I am SO FRUSTRATED right now. Lets start from the begining...
Last night they began to wean Ava from the vent. She was doing well, so early this morning they switched her to a mode where she would have to do the work on her own. She handled that for about 5-6 hours and then they switched her back to let her rest. After awhile they again switched her back to the mode for her to do the work on her own in hopes of taking her off the vent today. Well, as we came back up from lunch there were quite a few people in her room. The doctor then stated that as they were about to take Ava off of the vent, her heart rate and oxygen rate dropped low. They, of course, decided to keep her on the vent. The poor baby. I am so frustrated because...first of all the nurse did not think she was ready, but the doctor continued to try. Second, they stopped all of her pain and sedation meds this morning, the poor girl continues to gag which in turn drops her heart rate. I don't understand why they would think that after only two days of having her chest closed she should feel fine. I know that I wouldn't. I can't get over the fact that her blood pressure and heart rate is higher than it has been, but that it is alright. They had stopped all pain meds in order for her to be more awake...um, hello who wants to be that awake and feel pain. I understand that she needs to be awake for her to come off of the vent, but why on earth can she not have morphine when she needs it? Nate just asked the nurse if they can give it to her again and the nurse said that she is going to. Sometimes I feel like the doctors push these kiddos so they can get them out of the bed space, especially now when they are so full. I want her to come off of the vent more than anyone, but at her own time...when she is showing she can handle it. I also want her to be as comfortable as she can be and it is driving me crazy when I bring up that I think she is in pain and I don't get any clarification or results. I did hear from the doc, that the tube is probably irritating her, I kind of figure that but what about her chest...it does have staples in it and I am sure that it is not feeling all that great.
On top of all that, Nate and Kaden are leaving early this evening. I feel like I am just going to break down and cry. I know that it will be good for all of us, Kaden will get to go home and to school and get things back to somewhat normal. Nate will get to get out of the hospital and back to work and be around some of his friends and I will not feel as torn between Kaden and Ava right now. It is going to be hard to be away from Kaden, but as I experienced a couple of weeks ago, it is easier not to feel so guilty being here at the hospital with Ava. I just want us all to be at home...I wish it was that easy. At least my mom and sister will be here tomorrow to keep me company for part of the day.
Well, enough of me venting...please pray for Ava to come off of the vent soon and for her to feel comfort. Please also pray for the guidance of the doctors so they can make decisions that will benefit Ava's recovery. Thank you.
Do Not Worry
8 years ago