Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I Am So Lucky...

I have the best job in the world...ok, not really. Today I was doing things to get stuff ready for group that I am now coordinating and ended up having to pick up a little man and hang out with him for awhile. While we were in a company vehicle (thank goodness), I hear "Mrs. Amy" and I turn around. He had thrown up all over himself along with part of the van. I asked him why he didn't tell me that he didn't feel good and he said "I told you I missed my mommy." I should have known : ). I felt so bad for him, but I do not do throw up. As I handed him paper towels to try to get some of it off of him, I was so close to throwing up myself. Driving him home, I almost threw up on the van too. UGH...talk about the most frustrating part...I came back and had to clean up this vomit with some type of vomit clean up kit, which didn't work that well. I spent so much time cleaning up this mess, I think I need a raise!!! I don't know what I am going to do when Brody gets sick. Kaden has a fundo so he can't throw up (which makes me feel horrible for him when he is sick). So that was the "highlight" of my day.

I am so glad I get to come home to Kaden, he always makes everything better, especially on days like today. How could he not...look at him. Now I just hope that we don't get sick.

Monday, December 29, 2008

AHHHHH...

I can not breathe!!! Seriously, this little man is making me so uncomfortable and I still have 7 weeks left. I don't know what I am going to do. Yesterday I couldn't do much because I would do something and then spend forever trying to get air to my lungs. Then I couldn't sleep last night because it felt like I couldn't catch a breath. I actually called my Dr.'s nurse and she probably thought I was crazy. I just wanted to make sure that it was normal because I couldn't remember going through the whole breathing issues with Kaden or Ava. She said with how I am carrying that Brody is probably just pushing up on my diaphragm. Thanks kiddo.

My mom and I were talking last night about how big Brody will probably be. We were comparing my stomach as of now to my stomach with Ava around the same time frame. I am way bigger with Brody then I was with Ava. I will be very surprised if this baby is not as big as Kaden. I don't know what I am going to do the last four weeks when he gains, what...1/2 lb a week. UGH.

Today I had to run to Wal-Mart. The cashier was asking me about my pregnancy and asked if it was my first. I told her no, that I had two others. As we were talking about everything, she then asked "their ages." I told her Kaden's and then hesitated for a second and told her about Ava. She looked very sorry that she asked, but continued by wishing me luck with this pregnancy. I have told myself that I want to include Ava in conversations about my kids, but when it comes time it is so hard because I don't know the reaction I am going to get and I really do not want to feel like I am putting people on the spot, but how else am I going to keep her memory alive???

On another note: I took my Christmas tree down yesterday. I typically leave it up until after New Year's but just felt the need to take it down yesterday. I am glad I got it out of the way!!!

I hope everyone enjoys their New Year's!!!! Have a safe and happy one!!!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Finally some new pictures and videos...


video
video

These are, of course, some photos from Christmas. Kaden was really excited about Santa coming to the house and continues to talk about him. One of the videos is of Kaden in the car. We were driving to Nate's hometown and there are some serious hills out there, the type that make your stomach leap out of your body. Kaden loves going down these hills as you can probably tell in the video. The other video is of Kaden enjoying a group singing Christmas music after visiting Santa Claus.

While I am at it, I have a couple of cute stories to share from today. The first one...Kaden was going through some of his new toys and signing who gave them to him...Santa, mommy and daddy, etc. Kaden got a gift from angel Ava. He picked it up and signed "sister" and then looked up to Heaven and signed "thank you." It was way too sweet. Then I was reading him Horton Hears A Who. I read one line that says something like "too small to be seen by an elephant's eyes" but read it as "elephant's eye" and turned the page. Kaden turned the page back and pointed to the "s" in eyes. What a smartie pants!!!

Well, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Now that it took me FOREVER to download these videos I think I am going to go to bed.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!


We would like to wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS. Kaden made out, he must have been a REALLY good boy this year!!! He woke up at about 7:15 and seemed excited that Santa came but was a little on the tired side so whined a little when he had to use too much effort to open up his gifts this morning. Once he got to grandpa and grandma's he was more into it. Now I have to figure out where we are going to put everything!!!!

I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful Christmas!!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Another Prayer Request...

Please keep Carson and Kaci over at My Three Sons in your prayers. Carson has been having difficulty gaining weight due to some feeding issues and they have been trying to keep him from getting admitted into the hospital by sending him home with a NG tube (inserted through the nose down to the stomach for feedings). However, they are having a hard time with Carson pulling it out and when mom tries to put it back in he goes limp. So far this week I think they have been to the ER twice (and it is only Tuesday)...this time hoping that they do not get admitted. It is really hard to be in the hospital with a child on any special occasion, especially Christmas. Please visit their site (on my side bar) and let them know that you are thinking and praying for them during this tough time.

Kaci, if you need anything...call me!!! I hope things get better and they can figure out what is going on with Carson. We are thinking about you and keeping you in our prayers.

Mr. Carson...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I just wanted to ask you all to visit Kayleigh Anne's blog (the button on the side bar). She was born very prematurely and has been in the hospital for a long period of time. She is battling pneumonia, which was very close to taking her life, but with continous prays she seems to be healing. Her mother and father put a button on their site for donations as they are struggling financially while trying to be there for Kayleigh while she is in the hospital. They also have two other children at home.

We have been there and know of the struggles they are going through. I know not everybody can help financial, but even your moral support and prayers will help them. Please read their blog to find out more about this precious little girl and while you are there, leave a comment for the family. Thank you so much.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Giving it another try...

I tried to post last night and after I had finished my post my Internet stopped working. Talk about driving somebody up the wall.

Well, basically I talked about Kaden's trip to see Santa. He did alright, considering that Santa sat right across from the book store in the mall. Kaden did sit on Santa's lap, after I picked him up from the floor and put him there. He signed what he wanted and signed "thank you." Santa's helper asked Kaden to show Santa how to sign "Merry Christmas." Mommy helped Kaden, but he did it as well as showing him how to sign "Santa Claus." Santa seemed to get a kick out of it. We also stopped in an area in the mall where a band was playing Christmas music. Kaden got right in front of the stage and danced his little bootie off. Everyone around looked as though they were enjoying the entertainment provided by the one and only MR. KADEN!!!!

We got about 3 or so inches of snow yesterday. It is very pretty, but is driving me crazy with how messy it makes everything.

Last, I have decided to post a picture of my continous growing bump. I will post other pictures as soon as I get them downloaded on the computer. I have become a little lazy with that part of it all. The only reason I can post these picture is because somebody sent it to me.


Kaden's first visit with Santa this year.



Saturday, December 13, 2008

Light Your Candles

Please do not forget to light your candles tomorrow from 7pm to 8pm to remember the life of our precious little Ava and all of the other little angels taken from their families too soon. Thank you.

Ava Rae Boeckman
January 31, 2008 - May 7, 2008












Baby girl,
We miss you every day. Yesterday mommy, daddy and Kaden decorated your grave site for Christmas. I hope you like it. Kaden picked out "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" to read to you. I don't know how much reading he actually did, but he did show you the pictures. We talk about you and think about you all of the time. I bought you your Christmas ornament. I was looking for a beautiful butterfly, but couldn't find one so I got you a barbie ballerina ornament. I thought that you would like it. Kaden thought so as well. He got a grinch ornament. We have many ornaments on our tree for you. I wish that you could be here with us on Christmas morning. As I shop for presents there are a ton of things I pass by wondering if you would like them. I wish that I could take you with us tomorrow when we go visit Santa, and see you on his lap with Kaden. I could picture your face now, looking up at him wondering who the heck he is, in a pretty and girly holiday dress with little bows in your hair.

I know that you are in a good place and that you are not feeling pain which makes me feel selfish wishing you were here instead. I miss you so much. You are always in my thoughts and in my heart. I love you so much. I do feel so lucky to have such a special little angel watching over us and protecting us. You were so beautiful when you were here with us, I couldn't even imagine how much more your beauty has grown since you've gained your wings. I am sure you are absoulutely gorgeous up there in Heaven.

Well, good night baby girl. I love you. Hugs and kisses forever.

Love always and forever,
mommy, daddy, Kaden and baby Brody

Thursday, December 11, 2008

It's Been A Long Day...

Today I had my three hour glucose test and it came back...normal!!! It was a pretty boring three hours but it did go by faster then I thought it would. After the second blood test the lab tech said I could leave for 45 minutes and come back for the next blood sample. I went out to my car and it would not start...darn me, I forgot to turn off my lights. Nate's friend came by and jumped it for me...thanks again Ryan. I also got a call from Kaden's medical supply company saying that his medicaid insurance is no longer valid. What great timing since I really had all the time in the world to call around to figure this out. However, I didn't get ahold of the person who could help me. How frustrating!!! So tomorrow I will continue my phone calls until I can get this resolved.

So the good news is, is that I do not have gestational diabetes, oh, and I got a "promotion" at work!!!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Monday, December 8, 2008

DECEMBER 14th...

I received something in the mail the other day and then read about the same thing in the newspaper yesterday. Compassionate Friends (an organization that provides support for bereaved parents) is sponsoring a world wide candle lighting. This candle lighting is a ceremony to remember children who have passed away. It is held on December 14th (which I believe is on a Sunday) at 7:00pm for each time zone. This is to cause kind of a wave of lighting around the world for 24 hours. Please take part in remembering Ava along with the other beautiful children who have lost their lives.

Another thing that I will make a tradition is the lighting of a candle on special events such as holidays to represent Ava celebrating with us. I hope this will make it easier for our family to remember that although we can not see or touch her that she is still with us.

Remember to light your candle on Dec. 14th 7:00pm to help remember little angels like our precious Ava.

Angel Ava


Angel Gabi


Angel Elli


Angel Brody


Angel Mariah Boeckman

Angel Madison Rice

Angel Jack Eickholt

and the many, many more little angels that families are missing every day.

If you would like, you can send me a picture of your candle and I will try to use the pictures to make something special. Thanks.

*Sorry, I could not figure out how to make the pictures all the same size.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Dr. Appointment

Today Kaden had a doctor appt for his regular vent check. He is doing very well and continues to impress the doctor as well as all the others there who know him. I explained to him this morning that he was going to the hospital and he immediately signed "hurt" and pointed to his leg where he got a previous shot. I told him that I didn't thing that he would get a shot today (which ended up being a lie, well kind of...he had blood drawn). The last 4 hospital visits he has been poked, so I don't blame him for being worried.

Kaden showed off all his new talents that the doctor hasn't seen too much of. He showed her how well he walks now, how he can spell, and his cute personality. He got many, many laughs and "awe's" today, just being his goofy self. The doctor and nurse walked us to our next appt, which was with Pre-admissions testing. When they were leaving Kaden signed "thanks for playing" to them (silly boy). During the pre-admissions we found out that they are going to wait to do the bronch because they do not feel comfortable putting him under after being sick and still having a cough. Then Kaden's doctor came back and took him up to the NICU to visit some staff that had taken care of him while there. It was so fun to see Kaden walking around from office to office and seeing the faces on everyone. That has been one thing Nate and I have always wanted, having Kaden walk into the NICU. I can't explain why, it has just been a little dream of ours for him. He got a little shy when a group of nurses came to see him...although I think it is because he had a crush on one of the nurses and her hair (he has a thing for curly hair, what can I say).

A cute story before I log off. Last night Nate and I were talking to Kaden about his baby brother before going to bed. Nate asked him what he was going to do when his baby brother came. Kaden then signed "baby, cry."

Me: Yes babies cry, what can you do when the baby cries?
Kaden signs: play toys, books, share.
Me: That is so nice that you are going to share your things with Brody.
Kaden signs: eat, diaper, sleep.
Nate and I: Oh so you are going to feed him and change his diaper and then put him to sleep.
Kaden: nods his head yes (which he just started, he typically signs yes, but the nod is soooo much cuter).

Nate and I also explained to him that things will be different then last time and that Brody will get to come home. Kaden signed "home" as if looking for reassurance. I am so excited to see the two of them together. Nate asked him if he was going to hold Brody, and Kaden nodded his head yes. However, the last few babies we have been around, Kaden doesn't seem to keep too much interest in them so we will see.

Oh, one more thing. Since Kaden has been sick, he has had the thickest mucus. Well the last three days now he has coughed up stuff so thick that it gets stuck in his trach and then we have to do an emergency trach change. Today, the third day, it happened on the way home from the hospital. I had no idea that my big pregnant butt could hop in the middle row so fast (let me tell you that was not an easy task) and then reach all the way to the back of the vehicle to grab the bag with the spare trach in it and end up changing it all in less then a minute. Nate was on the highway and couldn't pull over fast enough. I was kind of sore after doing this. I think it was from me hitting my belly on the seat a few times, either that or just being out of shape : ). I wonder what the vehicles next to us were thinking?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Here comes the three hour test..

So today I had my glucose test. I have to go back for the 3 hour test next week. How fun??? I am really nervous because the number was pretty high, and at the time I hadn't eaten for the day. I read about gestational diabetes on the internet just a little bit ago and it has made me very nervous. I don't know why for sure, I know there are many women that get it. I guess, just with everything we have been through with Kaden and Ava and then to put this on Brody as well as myself just scares me. I don't know for sure what to expect, just some of the things I have read bother me. Who knows, maybe it will be nothing when I go back for this lovely testing. I guess I need to change my eating habits anyway. Lately I have been craving sugar and unfortunately I have plenty of it in my house. I really need to say bye to it all, starting today. Man, that means I need to go grocery shopping for something I can munch on besides apples. They may get old really fast. Maybe if I start now, it will help me get back to my girlish figure faster : ), yeah right.

The doctor also talked about the size of Brody (this was before the results of my test). He said that they will keep an eye on things but that they may have to induce because he seems to be such a big baby. I wouldn't mind having him a little early, myself!!!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Pictures

Here are a few pictures Kaden's teacher sent me of him enjoying school. What a big boy!!! He is so amazing, I can not get enough of him.

He is doing better, still has a cough with a little raspiness behind it. He has an appt on Friday and was suppose to have a bronch done on Monday. They will let us know on Friday if they will continue with that or not. The antibiotic that he is on has given him diarrea...something that I have waken up to the past couple of mornings. It is not the greatest thing to clean up especially when everyone is still wanting to sleep. I started coating his little bottom with aquaphor tonight in hopes of keeping it from breaking down. We have definitely been there, done that (while in the NICU)and let me tell you it was one of the worse things for him (that is saying a lot with all that he has been through). Every time he would wet or dirty his diaper he would clamp down and his O2 sats would drop as well as heart rate sometimes. It was just horrible and nothing would work. Once we got home it cleared up pretty fast. I have never really understood why, because even in the NICU I would change his diaper anytime it needed it. Ok, this is going into too much detail, so I will just let you know that Kaden seems to be doing a better.

Pictures of Kaden at school





Saturday, November 29, 2008

Neubulizers, Antibiotics, and Shots...

Kaden made a trip to the ER today. The past few days we have been suctioning him a lot more then usual...especially at night. Thursday night, Kaden and I were awake every hour through the night because the poor guy continously coughed and then needed suctioned because he had so much mucuos. I would say we didn't go through one hour without at least five passes with the suction cathedar. Then last night he started running a low fever, however Tylenol seemed to fix that. He was so tired but wanted so bad to stay awake and involved with the activities. Once I got him on my lap, he was out like a light. So, when we woke up today (at 10:00am which was great after getting up through the night with him) he was running a slight fever again. I got us ready and called my dad to have him help bring Kaden to the ER since Nate was at work. I wanted them to check to see if he had bronchitis or pneumonia.

Kaden was not impressed that we were at the hospital. He did not want to be touched or bothered. He got a breathing treatment, that we will be doing at home for a while, then he got chest x-rays done. He was a really big boy with this. He got to stand up to do them, instead of laying down and grandpa got him to say cheese. He thought he was taking a picture. When the results came back the doctor said that "it was not quite pnuemonia." OK??? but wanted to give him a shot of what I believe was some type of antibiotic for pneumonia to stay ahead of it. And what better place to get a shot then in the butt??? Kaden of course had to be held down and the needle still came out and had to go right back in. The nurse said that this shot really stings and is painful for a little bit. However, Kaden really didn't cry much, he just clenched down, I don't know if that was because he was worn out or what. He did want mommy though and held on for dear life. Before holding him, the nurse mentioned the word band-aid and put it on him. Have I ever mentioned how much this child HATES band-aids? Kaden cried worse with this then he did with the shot. You should see how much fun we are having trying to change his diaper right now. He is so nervous we are going to pull it off. I think tomorrow he will have to soak it off in the tub...if he feels up to it. So the nurse did say that it was bronchitis and put him on the oral antibiotics as well as the breathing treatments. My poor guy, he just looks so miserable. It's amazing what tylenol will do for a couple hours though.

Thanksgiving went well. Thursday we had dinner with my family. Friday we went to Nate's family. While there Santa made a visit to their town so we went to see him. Kaden was a little hesitant to walk up to him. He did sit on Santa's lap...without mommy this year. After that he wanted to keep going up to him. He did really well. I am so proud of him. I asked him if he wanted to see Santa again. He of course said yes. So we will have to take a trip to the mall sometime soon. I will post pictures later of his first visit with Santa this year.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

We just wanted to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I am thankful for a lot of things, but the biggest one being our family.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

My Turn...

I guess it is my turn to come down with something. Lucky me. Last night I went to bed at 9:30, that is WAY early for me, I even left dishes in the sink...which by the way drove me nuts this morning. I woke up and had a horrible headache and was just very tired. Now, my throat is feeling sore. I just hope that is the end of it, that no other symptoms come along. I also hope that I can keep Kaden from getting it. He has a surgery coming up and if he gets sick they will have to post-pone it and I am ready to get it done with.

Quick cute story. Today Kaden's class made stone soup. I sent a can of corn with him to put in the soup. I guess the teacher opened the can and asked Kaden to "put the corn in the soup." He did. The can and everything. I guess next time she will have to tell him to pour the corn in the soup!!! Silly guy. I love you buddy, you crack me up.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Flashback...

Today, as I was driving home for lunch I tried to call Nate. He didn't charge his phone last night, so it went straight to voicemail. I then got this really panicked feeling and begin to immediately think of the day that Ava passed away. I began to replay the events in my mind and it all started with me trying to call Nate and I couldn't get a hold of him so I called dispatch and I remember them asking me if everything was alright. I said "yes," through my crying and remember telling them that it was very important.

I don't know if it is the upcoming holidays that brought this on or just something that will occasionally happen to me for the rest of my life. It really tugged on my heart, it just seemed so real again. I remember going out into the waiting room to call Nate because I was upset that they were going to reintubate her (put her back on the vent), that is when I couldn't get a hold of him. After I talked to him, I remember sitting there waiting to be able to go back in her room and then the chaplain came out. Even writing about it right now is making me lose my breath. I remember thinking that the nurses called for her just because I was so upset about the ventilator. Then someone else came out and told me that things were not looking good and asked if there was someone they could call. We went into a private room and they began to call Nate and my dad. Then someone came and got me saying that I needed to go to her room because they didn't think she was going to make it. I remember standing by her bed watching the doctor do CPR and not being able to breathe. They told me to sit down and I just sat there crying. Then the doctor talked to me and the next thing I know is they put her in my arms and used the bag to breathe for her a couple of times and then disconnected it. I remember feeling so bad for her, so bad for Nate that he had to drive up there knowing all this was going on and not being able to be by her side. I remember having the chaplain call him and let him know that she did not make it. I remember being confused about how to go about letting Kaden know. I remember it not feeling real, feeling like I was having a horrible nightmare and I couldn't wake up. I remember all those things like it was yesterday, but I can't remember how she felt in my arms, the important things like that.

Today, I still feel like I was dreaming, but that everything was a dream. Ava was a dream. I miss her so much and I wish that she didn't feel so far away from us. I know that I will continue to carry her in my heart, but it is not the same as if she were in my arms. How I wish I could hold her again, see her again. I look at her pictures over and over, but it is not the same.

I love you baby girl. Mommy, daddy and bubby miss you so much. You will forever be a part of us.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree...

You almost drove me crazy.

Today I decided to put up the tree. A few years ago I bought a pre-lit tree, the best thing next to slice bread, well so I thought until I put it up today. I plugged it in and 2/3 of the lights did not work. So Nate went through to look at each bulb and see if any looked burnt out (thanks babe). Poor guy had to look through the lights while still on the tree since we couldn't take them off. What a task, however one that was not a success. I decided to do the easy thing and go to the store to buy a couple strands of lights and just put them up on the tree for now. I get home plug the first set in, didn't work, second set, didn't work either. You have got to be kidding me!!! I was so frustrated at this point I wanted to through everything out of the window. My grandma had extra strands of lights and let me use a couple. SOOOO, after 4 hours we have a decorated tree with working lights.

Friday, November 21, 2008

So long Gray, you will be missed...

Well, kind of. Today was the day we had to give "Gray" back. For those of you who may not know, Gray is a device Kaden used to communicate...aka a Lightwriter. We had a group of people here today interested to see what else there was out there that might better benefit Mr. Kaden. We also had a rep from the company Dynavox and a person who works at the "loaning" company from which we are borrowing these items. They both brought some goodies, which Kaden called "Gray's family,"...no lie. He is so stinken smart and creative (this is the kid who named a one eye cat stuffed animal "One Eye Elephant". We are borrowing/checking out, however you want to look at it, something similar to the lightwriter. It is a little bigger but does basically the same thing.

I am so glad that we decided to look before we bought. I know exactly what I want Kaden to have. It is AWESOME. I don't know what it is called right now, and I am too lazy to get up to look. But anyway, it is a touch screen (I know that is a very technical name), and has different "pages" he can go into, touch button after button (these buttons have pictures and words on them) and make a sentence. For instance, he could push 5 different buttons to create "I want to eat candy," instead of typing it all out. It also has a keyboard so he could type out something if he wanted to (saying that he is really about that right now). It is a small device for all that it can do. It is a computer and you can actually go onto the Internet with it. Ok...this is kind of gross but it also has a button with a guy on it and air coming from his butt. The word on it...Fart. I know, I know. But what four year old boy doesn't say fart. So Kaden pushed that button and it sounded like, well a fart. It got everyone laughing so he kept doing it. Nate finally had to pull it away or one of us would have peed our pants. This thing does so much and would grow with Kaden. It has programs for really young ones (the reason for the fart button, I guess), then goes to young ones, teenagers, and then adults. I really want to get this one for him but we won't even be able to test it out until January. Of course it cost a little more then the lightwriter, but it would be so worth it. I can't wait until he can try it out. I will find out what it is called and let you all know so you can go on the website and know exactly what I am talking about. It really is amazing what technology can bring to someone's life.

I think I will stop here for now, as I am sure this post is really confusing...I don't think I will even proof read it (again...lazy).

Oh, one more thing. Kaden was so excited to see these new devices he didn't care that gray was leaving. He kept signing "thank you" to the two ladies who brought the equipment in. Now that gray is gone however, he doesn't want this new device, he wants his gray back. Poor guy, but I think he will get use to it.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

What a day...

So, today started off like any normal day would. However, it soon changed. I had one of my younger client's this afternoon. We decided that we were going to paint, so I got out the supplies and began to squeeze paint from tubes/bottles into a "paint tray." Things didn't turn out so well. I started squeezing red paint, yes RED paint onto the tray, oh I want to add this is not WASHABLE paint. Next thing I know the stupid things top popped off (a top that is NOT suppose to pop off) and I had red paint ALL OVER ME. I was wearing my favorite maternity sweater and one of the few pairs of jeans that fit me that I actually like. Oh and my shoes, my poor shoes. Lets just put it this way...my new favorite outfit quickly turned into my red spotted outfit. I did have a shirt on under my sweater, so I took my sweater off and tried to wash it out in the bathroom sink. It didn't work too well so I sent it to my mom's so I could continue working in hopes that she can work some magic. I was SO frustrated that I was trying hard not to cry (something that comes pretty natural when I am frustrated).

Once I got home it got better...of course, Kaden lives here. Nate and I decided to play hide and seek with Kaden. I believe this is his first true game of it. He had a ball and kept signing "more." I had to finally explain to him that it was bedtime and that we could play more tomorrow. He was so funny, he definitely couldn't stay quiet in his hiding spot. At one point Nate hid him in his "babies" (aka stuffed animals) toy box (yes he has three toy boxes). I saw him swinging his arms and looked in another one of his toy boxes saying aloud "Kaden are you in the toy box?" He signed "baby", like "no mom, I am in the baby box." It was pretty cute, but probably something you had to be here for.

So tomorrow we will be saying bye-bye to "gray." This is Kaden's lightwriter, yes HE has a name and gender : ). To let everyone know, because we have gotten some questions about it, we have decided to look at more options to be sure there isn't anything that would better benefit Kaden before we decided to purchase something. He is going to be sad though. I tried explaining to him that a "girl" is coming to our house to get "gray" but that she will leave him something else to see if he likes that instead. I told him that we will end up buying him what works. He started shaking his head "no" and signing "girl" over and over. I felt horrible. I again explained it to him tonight and he had a look of concern on his face. I am worried about tomorrow, but hope that we see something that may work even better that he will be happy to use.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

My Handsome Guy...

Here is Kaden's school picture. I am really happy with how it turned out. He is such a handsome little man, if I do say so myself. Mommy, Daddy and angel Ava love you big guy. Keep up all the hard work. You are becoming such a big boy!!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

New class, new friends...

Kaden started his first offical day of pre-k classes. He did well, although he DID NOT want to get up this morning. It made me laugh, I was trying to wake him up and he just kept shaking his "no" with his eyes still closed. What a grown up little man I have, just like most boys who do not want to wake up to go to school. Once we got there he was a little quiet for Kaden but I heard he got into the groove of things pretty fast. Many of his new friends had drawn him pictures on their free time. One little girl even went to the lengths of drawing a picture and folding it, putting it in an envelope and sticking it in his bookbag for him to find when he got home. Ooooh, Kaden's got a girlfriend (already)!!! I guess it is alright, since this year he hasn't really had a focus on one girl, not like last year!!! He fit right in and I think everyone (teachers that is)seem more comfortable with things. I am so proud of him. It is amazing to think that he just keeps getting older and older, kind of sad too. I did make it out of there this morning without crying, however, I was holding back the tears hardcore. He was very happy to see Nate and I when we picked him up and very eager to show us how he marched in class today...to cute, really!!!! My baby is growing up and won't slow down.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Babies and Boo-boos

My cousin, her husband and their twin baby girls came down to visit. I was excited to see how Kaden would react to two babies. He seemed a little in awe at first, but for the rest of the day didn't seem to think twice about it. However, lately he has become mommy's little helper and today was no exception. I was trying to help my cousin out and change one of the girls' diaper as the other one was fussing because she was hungry. Kaden came to the rescue : ). He gave mommy a diaper and the wipes and then signed "mommy, help?" Of course I let him, I have to get him prepared for Brody, ok, I am totally kidding, but I did let him help. He opened the diaper for me as I lifted her legs and I told him to put it under her. He did, it just ended up upside down, so I fixed it a little. He wanted to use the baby wipe on her, so I let him. He then fastened her diaper, again with mommy's help and then helped me dress her. It was very cute and heartwarming to watch him be such a great big helper. He did such a great job. I again swelled up with pride. What's not to be proud of??? I have a the best little guy in my life.

Well, here comes the boo-boo part. Today I bought Kaden a potty seat that goes on top of the regular toilet (his bottom is getting a little too big for his own potty, and that is not saying much, because this little guy does not have a butt). I put him on the toilet (which he has done many times at grandpa and grandma's house) and told him to sit there while I had to run into the kitchen real quick. Before I know it I hear a "boom" and I ask Kaden what he is doing as I am walking back to the bathroom. I then hear him cry. I walked in and he is on the floor crying his eyes out, his pants stuck inbetween the toilet seat and the toilet itself. I sit on the floor with him trying to comfort him (remember, I can't pick him up although I really wanted to). I noticed a big red mark from his hairline to his eyebrow. I asked him where he hurts and he pointed to that area (duh mom). I asked him what happened but he either couldn't tell me or didn't feel up to it. Poor guy...I thought I ruined the big potty...but he did ask to use the potty tonight although we put him on his little potty chair. I guess I will have to get a chair to put in the bathroom and sit in there with him from now on. I felt absolutely HORRIBLE.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Sono pictures

Here are pictures of Mr. Brody. In the second picture, if you look closely you can see his smile (or cry). Can babies cry at this point??? Just curious if any of you know.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Busy Day...

Today I had my appt. It went very well. Everything still looks great with Brody!!! He did however, change positions from being head down to being sideways. I did get some pretty good 3-D pictures, but will post them tomorrow. There is one where we thought he looked like he was smiling. The picture didn't turn out as well with that one, but if you look closely you will see it. Like I thought, he is going to be a big boy. Right now he is measuring about 2 1/2 weeks bigger then a baby at his gestation (does that make sense???). It was really good to be reassured that everything still looks great!!!

When we got back, we went to pick Kaden up from school. There was a meeting today about Kaden going into pre-k (I know, I know, but there have been some difficulties and he hasn't started yet). So he is now going to start this Monday. I am nervous for him. I don't know how to explain my feelings about this whole situation, as it has been very draining emotionally. I know that sounds dramatic, but it just goes back to wanting everyone to realize that Kaden is a typical 4 year old boy. I am glad that his early childhood teacher was able to advocate for him as well. We will miss her and the paras so much. When starting this whole school thing, I was really nervous for Kaden, not because he was going to be in school, but for how he would feel about it. The teacher and paras made me feel like Kaden was welcomed, just like any other child in that school. I actually felt like he was (and is) really loved in that class. This transition has made me feel differently then when he started the early childhood program. It really makes me nervous because this program is in the same school as the early childhood program. How will getting him in to Kindergarten next be??? I know that it is a new experience for those involved, but geez. I don't want to get too into it because I could go on and on forever. I just hope that once Kaden starts everyone will realize that it is not as big of deal as it has been made out to be. I try to understand their concerns, but at times I just want to scream "IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!!!" Part of the concern is safety (which I understand), but that is why the nurse goes to school with him. I can't wait for Kaden to show them all that he can do. I am so proud of Kaden and all that he has become (and I know that I am not the only one). Thinking about how far he has come brings tears to my eyes. He is amazing, nothing can bring him down. I hope that he carries that with him throughout his life. Nate and I are so lucky to have this little guy in our lives...he is such an inspiration. I know that he will continue to touch lives with all the steps he takes as he grows.

Kaden,
First of all, mommy and daddy love you so much. We are so lucky to have been blessed with such a caring, motivated, happy, beautiful child such as yourself. I hope you feel how proud we are of you and that you feel the same about yourself. You are ABSOLUTELY amazing. You touch the lives of everyone who gets to know you. I hope you never feel frustrated or intimidated by those who can not seem to open their minds to new things, as you (just like anyone else) will probably run into these people along your path. When you come across these people, continue to shine...it might get them to open their eyes a little more and hopefully their minds and hearts as well.

You have this amazing ability to put a smile on my face, even on my bad days. The love I feel for you goes beyond words. My heart is flooded with so many great emotions for you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for bringing me a love that I have never experienced in my life. Thank you for all the lessons you have taught to daddy and me. Thank you for your wonderful hugs and kisses. And thank you for bringing joy to my life. I love you big boy, and will for the rest of eternity.

Love always and forever,
Amy

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sorry Kaden...

Mommy is done picking up Kaden until after Brody is born. I feel horrible about it, but it was confirmed yesterday by my doctor that I do have an umbilical hernia. GO FIGURE!!! I really think it was from picking up my big boy. One day I was picking him up to put him in his booster seat and I got a horrible pain near my belly button. I think I even told who was ever with me at the time, that I think I just gave myself a hernia, joking around. Well, for a couple of days I had really sharp random pains near it. I ended up calling my doctor's nurse who believed it was just pains from pregnancy. Well, a few days later I noticed a semi-large lump next to my belly button. Nate seemed about as grossed out as if I were showing him guts coming out of my nose or something. I started wondering what it could be and decided that it was probably a hernia. It is painful, not a sharp pain, but an annoying pain that won't go away. When the doctor was checking it out, I thought I was going to pass out...it hurt so bad, but he did say that it was a hernia. There is nothing we really can do for it now as long as it doesn't pose any danger, since I am pregnant. I just pray that it doesn't do anything that will end up with me needing surgery right now. That is the last thing I need.

So, that leads me to my story today. I don't know what was going on with Kaden, but he was not my happy, go lucky Kaden today. I came home from work to bring him to school. He did not want to go to school, and had a major melt-down (for Kaden).
After making our way outside to the car, he started crying and went limp, then sat on the ground (I think it is because he wanted mommy to pick him up and carry him to the car and I wouldn't). I finally picked him up (yeah, I know, I already heard it from Nate) to put him in his booster seat. He was quiet and looked so sad all the way to school, it broke my heart. Well, we get to school, I get him out of the car and he does it again. He kept shaking his head "no" and signing "school" although he couldn't tell me why. We get into the classroom and he doesn't want to sit at the table, but instead turns into me puts his head on my shoulder and crys. As I talked to him, he kept signing that he wanted to go home with me, or that he wanted me to stay with him at school. It was so hard for me when I left...I had to fight back the tears. I have no idea what brought this on, as this is not my Kaden at all. His nurse and I were talking about it and were wondering if he feels heartbroken that I won't carry him around (as he gets into those moods). I have explained to him that mommy has an owie on her belly and I can not pick him up anymore. However, I do not think that helped at all, especially after going through what we did today. I try to make him think positive by explaining to him that he gets to be a big boy, well, today during his meltdown I asked him "Kaden, don't you want to be a big boy." He shook his head "no." Poor guy. I guess I'll have some making up to do after Brody is born.

Tomorrow I go to the specialist one last time just to make sure that everything is still going well. I am excited that I get to see Brody again. I am very curious as to how big he is right now. I think he is going to be a big baby boy like his brother was. I will let you know tomorrow. If I get more sono pictures I will be posting them!!!

Monday, November 10, 2008

That Darn Old Flu Shot...

Today we took Kaden to get his flu shot. I have heard lots of stories that you should tell you children why they are going to see the doctor. I don't know yet how much I agree with it, as it seems to put the fear in them. BUT...today we let him know that he was going to get one shot and that it will probably hurt but only for a little bit. He kind of gave us that look like "um, ok I guess, what else do you want me to say." When we got to the hospital Nate dropped us off at the door and went to park the car. The nurse and I were holding Kaden's hands. For a moment we almost had to drag him into the hospital and he was protesting the whole way, telling everyone off that he spotted. He stopped and then signed "grumpy." I asked him if he was grumpy because he was going to get a shot and he signed "yes." I almost wanted to take him back to the car and go home. I explained to him that the shot is to help him from getting really sick and that we all had to get one. So anyway, we get to the office, which was packed by the way, and there was a little girl in there whose mother must have "warned" her as well because she was having a fit. I even heard her tell her mom that she didn't love her anymore (Kaden did say that he still loves me!!!). Well, Kaden pointed to her and signed "grumpy." Yep bubby she is grumpy too. He did fine until we had to go into the room. He even did pretty good getting the shot. I could tell that he was trying so hard not to cry, but he jerked back and bumped his head. So I think that in combination with the shot, brought on the waterworks (don't forget the band-aid, he hates those things).

Tonight, before Kaden was going to bed we were reading "Love You Forever." There is a part in the story that says the mother was "very old, and sick." He then pointed to himself and his leg where he got the shot. (remember, earlier in the day I explained to him that the shot is to keep him from getting really sick.) I asked him if he was sick and he signed "yes." There I go, confusing my little guy. I had to tell him that he is not sick, that he got the shot so he wouldn't get sick (knock on wood). It is funny how things get turned around. Well, then before putting on his pjs I asked him if I could take his band-aid off. Wrong thing to ask. He shook his head "no" very hard and started crying, worst then when he got the shot. Man, I am a mean mommy. I didn't take it off and had to convience him that I was NOT going to take it off in order to put on his pjs. Even after the pjs were on he cried, until I reassured him that he gets to go to sleep now and that the band-aid was staying on.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

5 Minutes For Mom...

As many of you know, Kaden won a new bedroom set. It all started with 5 Minutes For Mom. Well, they are at it again...giving away gifts for the holidays. If you are interested in winning gifts for yourself or your children go to the link and check it out. They have also started a new program called "under the tree." Here, you can nominate a family you feel is in need of help this Christmas. It is such a wonderful way to spread the cheer during this season. Please check it out, especially if you know a family that might need help. I will be trying to add buttons that will take you straight to the posts later. At this time I can not figure it out. In the meantime, just click on the link above.

On another note I was very close to putting up the Christmas tree today. I normally put it up a little on the early side, but never this early. I was a little bored and asked Kaden if he wanted to put up the tree. He signed "yes" but I ended up deciding to wait a little longer.. I don't want others to think that I am crazy. I love this time of year and it keeps getting better as Kaden keeps getting older. His understanding of Santa and how great it is to open gifts is so much fun to watch.

However, this year will be more bitter/sweet. I love seeing the excitement in Kaden when he talks about Santa, but at the same time I realize that we will not have Ava here to share in that excitement. It is getting more and more difficult to accept that she is not here during these holidays. I didn't get to dress her up for her first Halloween. She will not be tasting her first Thanksgiving dinner with us (or making a mess with it), she won't be sitting with us around the tree her first Christmas morning...and she will not have the chance to dig into her cake on her first birthday. It is hard to realize how much we have missed already with her. With that being said...I am thankful that I got to hold her that first time (and every single time after that), give her her first kiss. Give her her first bath, change that first diaper. See her first smile, paint her toenails for the first time, hear her cry for the first time, see her suck on her fingers for the first time, making Kaden a big brother for the first time. I know that although she was here for a very short time (97 days), she made a big impact on my life by letting me experience all of those firsts' with her. It might be selfish, I just wish that we could have experienced a WHOLE LOT more with her.

Mommy, daddy, and bubby love you baby girl and miss you every day. Sweet dreams angel love.

Love you always and forever.

Mommy holding Ava for the first time...




Kaden's first Christmas at home...



Doesn't he look so little.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Halloween Pictures


Mommy and daddy posing with our Mickey Mouse. (Halloween night)


Daddy walking with Kaden after getting more candy. (Halloween night)


Kaden enjoying a laffy taffy. (Boo in the Zoo)


Kaden at his Halloween party. (At school)


Kaden trying on cousin Miles' Hulk mask. (Boo in the Zoo)


Aunt Melanie and The Hulk (aka Miles). (Boo in the Zoo)


Daddy trying to convience Kaden that the clown they see is a good clown. Kaden wasn't too sure about him. The clown had to disapear to get Kaden to keep walking. He must not have been as cute as daddy when daddy was wearing a clown mask not too long ago!!! (Boo in the zoo)

Friday, October 31, 2008

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO EVERYONE!!! I hope everyone had a safe Halloween and got lots and lots of candy.

We took Kaden out trick or treating tonight. He was excited initially to get CANDY!!! He was too cute going up to the doors. He would sign "thank you" to everyone and often signed "Happy Halloween." He made a very cute Mickey Mouse. Halfway through he was ready to go home. He seemed really tired, but once we got home he had to go through each and every piece of candy he got tonight. Unfortunately it is his turn to be out of sorts. He is starting to come down with something, but hopefully it is nothing too serious...probably just a cold. He has a runny nose, cough and so much secretions. I feel horrible for him. Last night we were up about four times, each one lasting about 30 minutes to an hour. He was wreching and need constant suctioning. Poor guy. I hope that it doesn't last too long. Good news is, is that he doesn't have a fever right now and he is still pretty happy and seems to be tolerating whatever it is.

Today Ava would be 9 months old. It is almost unreal to me. I wonder what she would be doing now??? Crawling, babbling, eating baby food??? I think about how her and Kaden would get along, if Kaden would be the big brother that she looked up to, if she would be the little sister that wouldn't leave Kaden alone. We miss her so much. We have too really BIG pictures of Ava that are in the hallway right now. Every time we leave, Kaden will walk up to the pictures and say "bye" to them, and before bed he wants to give them kisses. Man, I love my kids. So anyway, tonight as I was pushing an empty stroller (because Kaden wanted to walk for awhile) it made me think of how my pretty girl, Ava, would be sitting in it, in probably the most girly costume I could find.

From there my mind changed gears to how next year Brody Jace will be sitting in the stroller. That's right, I think we have a middle name. After seeing it typed out though, I am not sure if I like the spelling. We will see. So anyway, this little guy is definitely a mover. Tonight while we were putting Kaden to bed, Brody started kicking (or punching) away. I told Nate to look, because we can know see him moving. Then I grabbed Kaden's hand and put it on my belly. Brody really kicked him and Kaden was really quick to pull his hand off of mommy's belly, almost like "what the heck was that." I was laughing so hard. He didn't want to touch my belly again.

Well, I am going to hang out with Nate. He has pretty much been gone the last two weeks for training. I will try to post pictures tomorrow of our cute little Mickey Mouse. I think there is actually a picture of my belly in at least one of them...so girls (you know who you are) I am expecting to see some of you too after I post these!!!


We miss you baby girl and think about you constantly. We love, love, love you!!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hubby Tag...

I saw this tag on Sam and Bill's Bunch and thought it was very cute and definitely different. So now it's my turn...

This is my HANDSOME husband


1. Full Name: I rather not put his full name, but his real name is Nathan (which his family goes by) I call him Nate as well as a lot of his friends.
2. How long have we been married: Just over two years...just celebrated our second anniversary.
3. How long did we date: 4 years
4. Who eats the sweets: depends on what they are...Nate loves ice cream as well as oatmeal cream pies.
5. Who said I love you first: that would be Nate. I actually didn't say it back right away (I felt it, but wanted to make sure, that is kind of mean when I think about it).
6. Who's Taller: Nate...we are both tall but he is about 5 inches taller then me. He is 6'3", I am 5'10"
7.Who sings better: That's funny...I would say I sing better but that is not saying much. I can't sing, so just imagine how great he can!!!
8. Who is smarter: depends on what you are asking.
9. Who does the laundry: pretty much...ME, but I won't do his hunting clothes.
10. Who pays the bills: Nate
11. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed: NOBODY...since Kaden is in our bed, we all sleep sideways. We have a king size and Kaden sleeps by the headboard so we can make sure that his tubing doesn't get under us, I sleep in the middle, and Nate sleeps by the footboard. I know, it is a site to see!!!
12. Who mows the lawn: Nate, I hate the smell of cut grass and gasoline.
13. Who cooks dinner: most of the time I do, unless I work really late then Nate does.
14. Who drives: Both of us...Nate can easily fall asleep behind the wheel when he is tired...I don't understand it.
15. Who admits they are wrong: are you crazy...neither one of us...we are both hard headed
16. Who asked who out first: We just hung out as a big group for awhile, but Nate did end up asking me "what I want(ed)" and that he wanted to be with me...How cute!!!
17. Who wears the pants: I guess we both do, although I tend to get a little upset when I don't get my way (according to Nate)
18. What does he do that surprises you? when he helps out around the house without me "nagging" him to do so.
19. What is your favorite feature on him? EVERYTHING (I know, sounds corney...but have you seen him??? I think he is pretty hot, myself!!!)
20. What is your favorite quality he has? he is an awesome daddy, and I know that I can trust him
21. Does he have a nickname for you? not really, he just always calls me babe or baby (which I heard once that those nicknames are for lazy people...???, I think it is still nice to hear)
22.What is his favorite food? that's easy...chicken enchiladas or chicken with mashed potatoes and "white" gravy
23.What is his favorite sport? Nate loves sports...basketball, football, baseball, golf, hunting...you name it
24.What is your favorite thing to do as a couple? hang out either as a family or just the two of us. We like to rent movies and watch them after Kaden goes to bed (I know, hold on to your hats, we are very adventerous).
25. Does he have any hidden talents? he claims he can draw...the six years we've been together I haven't seen anything yet...one day!!!
26. What do you admire most about him? That is easy...I am amazed at his strength and support and love for our family. With everything we have been through, I know that we can do anything together...we have a bond that nobody can take away from us (as a couple and as a family).
27. What is his favorite color? blue
28. How did he propose? This might be a long story...He was in the police academy and came back for the weekend. It was a Friday night and when I got home from work he was already there sitting on the couch. Our plan was to go out to celebrate my birthday since he would be gone during the week. He told me to go upstairs and get ready so we can leave. I went upstairs and noticed our bedroom door was closed (it was never closed). I opened it to get my things together and there were candles EVERYWHERE and rose petals on the bed in the shape of a heart with a single rose on top. There was also a new down comforter on the bed...so honestly I thought that was my birthday present and he just set up a beautiful presentation. He came upstairs and tried his hardest to get me to pick up the rose. I told him that I wanted to leave it so I could take pictures when we got back. He then told me that we should put the rose in water...I said it already has a water thing on the stem. He tried again by telling me to smell the rose...what do I do...lay on the bed and leaned over to smell it. I finally picked it up and saw a ring dangling from the rose on a string. I looked at him and asked him what it was. He got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. I don't know if I ever said yes...I do remember saying "are you forreal" twenty thousand times. (and he actually asked for my dad's permission) The rest is history!!!


I love you babe...we are lucky to have you in our lives!!!

I tag anyone who wants to do this. It actually is a bit fun to spill the beans on the hubby!!!

Drum Roll Please...

and the winner of the wonderful new bedroom set is...




Thank you guys so much for your votes and for spreading the word for others to vote for Kaden. We are so overwhelmed at how many votes Kaden received, but feel very blessed to have each and every one of them. We have so many great people in our lives who offer us so much support (I am not just talking about all of the votes either). I just hope that we can do the same for others, make other's feel as lucky as our family feels, as loved, as thought of. The outpour of love for Kaden and Angel Ava touches my heart to no end. I KNOW how special these babies are, how much they impact ME, but it is heartwarming to know that they do the same for so many others. Thank you guys again for EVERYTHING!!!

By the way...keep an eye out for pictures of Kaden in his new bed!!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

What to do???

So this morning, I dropped Kaden off for his "trial run" in the pre-k class. He seemed very excited. Since he has already met the class, they knew his name and face so it wasn't too big of a deal. He took a seat and seem to have no fears. He gave me a kiss and even got too distracted to wave bye to me...so I had to sneek in one more kiss.

As I was leaving, I stopped to talk to his early childhood teacher about what time I should pick him up. I, of course, started crying. I don't know why, exactly. I know a lot has to do with emotions and I would say part of it has to do with hormones : ).

So anyway, then I go to work to find out my client cancelled for this morning so I come home. Now I am lost. I don't know what to do. I decided to go get a building permit for this house we are suppose to be building...when???, I don't know, but hopefully soon. Nate keeps saying that he wants it started this week, but I don't see that happening. Anyway, then maybe I'll go to Wal-Mart to get the rest of the halloween stuff for Kaden's school party. Hopefully that will keep me busy until noonish. (sigh) I always thought it would be nice to have time to myself, but now that I have it, I am not sure I want it...yet.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Greatest Love...




I just have been thinking about how lucky I am to experience the greatest love that there is...being a mommy. I can not explain how much I love my babies. I am totally head over heals for them. I try not to think about the negative all of the time, but I can not get over the fact of how difficult it is as a mommy (or daddy) to sit back and watch your baby (or babies) go through something you have no control over. I miss Ava every day. I feel that she is watching over us and helping me keep Kaden as well as Brody safe. But yet, as a mommy I want to know that Kaden is happy, that he is treated fair when I am not around. I want others to love him as much as I love him. I want them to believe in him, as much as I believe in him. He is a true gift, not only to me, but to those who open their world to him. He is the most friendly, loving boy I know. I can not get enough of his kisses or big hugs. He tells us he loves us all of the time(by typing it on his lightwriter) and he continues to tell us that he loves Ava and now Brody. He types "kiss" and then kisses us, or "hug" and then hugs us. He can make me smile through anything.

Since everything has happened, I feel that I have become more "over-protected" of Kaden. I do not like leaving him to go to work, I don't even like taking him to school. I don't like the fact that I can not be there with him all of the time. I don't know if that is because of the kind of person I am, or if it's because of the person I have become. I wish I could put Kaden in a bubble and know that nothing will ever hurt him physically or emotionally. I know that is impossible. I know (deep, deep down) that it is "good" for Kaden to experience life. He deserves it, but he also deserves to be treated fairly, to be treated just like everyone else.

Tomorrow, Kaden is going to be sitting in the pre-K class to see how it goes. I am excited for him, but also scared for him. He didn't seem to excited about it tonight when we talked about it which makes me want to say "never mind, you don't have to go to pre-K, you can stay were you are comfortable." Then, I have to talk myself into letting him grow up and tell myself that he is a big boy, he can handle it. I think what worries me is that the teacher seems "intimidated" (for lack of a better word) to have him in her class. Our first experience of Kaden going to school was great...although I was sad that he was already going. The teacher and para's were amazing. They welcomed him with open arms, and, well, I guess I just expected that from everyone. However, that is not the case. I don't feel as comfortable letting him go. I know that with time (and probably very little time) this teacher will fall in love with him too.

I added "My Wish" by Rascall Flatts again to our song list because whenever I hear this song, I think about Kaden and now Brody. It is very fitting.

Kaden, angel Ava, and baby Brody,

I love you guys more then I will EVER be able to tell you. I hope you feel every ounce of it. I promise to always be there for you, no matter what the situation. I hope you feel that you can come to me with anything. I hope that you know that daddy and mommy feel blessed that you are in our lives and that you all are very much wanted. We love, love, love you guys, forever and always.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Love always and forever,
mommy