Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Still here...

Things have been busy around here. I guess that is what comes with having a baby. Blogging has taken a back seat, although I still try to come on and check out other blogs. I also can say I haven't been in the mood to blog. So here I am...prepared to catch you up with our lives.

My new job is going "well". I like it. Toddlers (2 yrs. old, at that), well, I have my moments. I never realized what it is like to be around a real "terrible two" child. OH MY!!! I am so blessed to have Kaden and it really worries me the possibilities of how Brody could turn out to be at this age :). Hopefully, I won't have to experience it with him. Well, and if we do then hopefully I won't have to get my hair colored more frequently then I do now (and no I don't have gray hair yet, at least I don't think I do).

Kaden is getting so big...as always. Potty training is going well. It has been on and off for the longest time and I think he has finally decided he is ready. When he gets home from school he starts wearing his big boy underwear until bedtime. On the weekends it's all day. He is doing well. This last weekend he had an accident once a day, not too shabby. I am so proud of him!!! He shows me more and more how much he knows and how much he wants to say with his "white". This last weekend I found out that Kaden's friend from school (one that he talks about all of the time and gave his phone number to so he could come over and play) lives a block from my parents house. I told him and he then typed "Seth lives by grandpa grandmas house." So later I asked him to tell grandma where his friend lives and he types "at home." DUH MOM!!! Yesterday he had a doctors appt in KC. After getting home we were going to go to my parents and he types "next stop grandpa and grandmas." What a little smarty!!! I also taught him "Daddy is a goober." Great fun.

As I said Kaden had a doctors appt in KC with Cardiology and PT. His heart looks great and the abnormality that they thought they had seen (his tricuspid valve being lower then it should be) they aren't quite sure if it really is there. PT was just to look at how he walked. His ankles roll in a little. There is not much to do about it right now. His legs are like twigs with little muscle right now and his feet are flat. She explained it is from him not baring weight on his feet for a long period of time due to his illness (which we already figured). Other then that all seems to be going well with Kaden besides a little cold or something we all seem to be going through.

Brody is growing. He is such a sweet, happy baby. He smiles all of the time and a couple times I have heard a true laugh. He too is going through some type of cold. His poor eyes (along with Kaden's ) are draining horrible crud. I really need to post pictures of him, but I am lazy enough as it is to blog, pictures is almost a chore right now for me.

It has been almost a year since Ava has passed away. I can't believe it has only been a year. It feels so long ago. I miss her every day, that hasn't changed. I look at her pictures and long to hold her. I try to remember how it felt holding her. Today an image popped in my head with me holding her on a pillow in the PICU (in the big room we were sharing with another baby). I remember sitting in the chair close to the window. I remember how things were set up and it was almost like my mind was taking me back to that time. I am sad. The crazy thing about it is that I am also happy, happy with the life that I am living (who knew you could live life feeling two total opposite feelings). I am happy that Kaden and Brody are in my life. Of course things would be better if Ava was with us, but who knows if it would have been better for her. I have to make myself believe that this was for the better (that sounds horrible). Maybe she was in greater pain then we knew, or maybe she would have endured more pain then I would have wanted to see her in...not that I would want her in any kind of pain. As I have said before, I thank Ava for not leaving her daddy and I with any kind of decision to make, as I don't think I would have been strong enough to let her go. I know that God was with her. I can not say that I do not think that she was scared, because I could see fear in her eyes...as anyone would have had with not being able to breath. I do not think she was scared or feeling pain for a long time, but she did feel it. I am sad and it makes me sick to my stomach thinking that those are the last feelings she might have felt. Did she feel me holding her? I feel horrible for crying during her last breaths. I can't not remembering telling her I love her before she passed. Was I too caught up in my own emotions and feelings? I CAN'T REMEMBER. Why is it I can remember the details of that day, except for this? I remember going to her bedside while they were performing chest compressions and not being able to breath myself so they had me sit. I remember the doctor putting her in my arms and the nurse bagging her for a small period of time. I remember holding her tight and crying. Did I tell her I love her? I'd like to think she knew I loved her. Her first smile was at me, and I got a lot of them. I know she recognized me. How I wish I could have made life better for her. How I wish that I would have known how things would turn out...I could change somethings. I would NEVER change that she was in our lives. I would change little things that happened, like me spending every minute with her, taking more pictures and definitely taking more video. The feeling of frustration with just everything is so overwhelming at times like now. However, I think I am going to end it here before I get too sick to my stomach. I could ramble on and on about my feelings, but luckily for you I will stop here.

Monday, April 13, 2009


Easter was good. Kaden wasn't into coloring the eggs, but he didn't mind hunting for them. He was really excited about the goodies he got in his Easter basket...one of the things being a collection of Max and Ruby dvd's from grandma and grandpa (one of his favorite cartoons). So on to the "Oh Rats"...either Max or Ruby said it (not sure which one, I missed that part) but Kaden typed it out on his "white." I explained to him that people say "oh rats" when they mess something up. Then daddy comes home and Kaden has to show him the new phrase he learned and typed it out again. Nate asked him if he knew what it meant and he typed "oh rats mess up." He then goes on to tip over his toy box and types "oh rats" again. I told him he can't do something on PURPOSE and say it. So he starts knocking the toys out of the box that didn't fall out, all the while repeating "oh rats, oh rats." I gave up and started laughing!!!

Thursday, April 9, 2009


Today Brody had his 2 month check up. He weighs 15 lbs 7 oz and is 27 1/4 inch long. This puts him in the 99.8th percentile. So basically if you look at it, out of 1000 babies there are only 2 babies taller then him. He has gained 3 lbs and grew 2 inches since his 1 month check-up.

Brody is doing well. He is such a happy baby. He is smiling a lot now, and cooing like no other (he has so much to say). I think pretty soon we will be hearing him laugh.

Kaden is doing well too. He started riding the bus yesterday to school. I am not sure how much he likes it as he still request that I take him and pick him up. He does however, accept the fact that he is riding it and doesn't get upset about it. I can not believe how fast he is growing up. It makes me so proud but sad at the same time. He is so funny too. When we pray at night, Kaden will sign something that usually happens during the day to add to our prayers. Well the other night he signed something that I couldn't figure out (some of his signs look the same). He got frustrated and asked for "white" (his new talking device). I told him that God understands his signs and that I would get him white when we were done saying our prayers. We finished and I stayed true to my word. When he started to type what he had been signing it read "wash hands bathroom." Well, at the time "white" was not working properly and not reading the words aloud. As soon as I started to read "wash hands bathroom" back to him, he puts his hands together to "finish" praying. I thought it was the cutest thing and wish that it was something I could have caught on video. Again, this little guy never fails to amaze me. He has the greatest personality and I can see it coming through Brody as well. I am the luckiest mommy!!!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Here's the picture

Here's the picture of Kaden and his "girlfriend".

Thanks Cristen!!!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Kaden's got a girlfriend...

Kaden loves the idea of having girlfriends. When you ask him if he has a girlfriend he always says "yes." Sometime it is his nurse Cristen and other times it is girls from the early childhood class he use to be in. Well, today Cristen sent me a picture of Kaden via text and what can I say...Kaden is the man. The class was sitting in circle time and Mr. Kaden was sitting next to a girl in the class with his arm around her. It was way too cute, he is just way too cute. I wish I could download it but I don't know how to. So tonight when I put him to bed we were talking about him and this girl. I asked him if he put his arm around a girl today and he said yes and started laughing. I then started chanting "Kaden's got a girlfriend, Kaden's got a girlfriend." He thought that was hilarious. Then when we were praying, he signed "thank you for girl." I was trying not to laugh.

Kaden you are absolutely amazing. I know I have said it before, but you just amaze me each and every single day. I am totally in love with you and will be for the rest of my life. I thank God for giving you to me, as well as your sissy and bubby. You guys will always have my heart in your hands. I love you baby, forever and ever.