Thursday, May 28, 2009


Today was Kaden's last day of pre-k. It totally hit me tonight, that he is going to be in Kindergarten in a couple of months...definitely brought a tear to my eye. I can't believe how far he has come, how much he has overcome and how much he has proved doctors wrong. I told him tonight that I think he is absolutely amazing and he just looked at me with an "come on mom" look and nodded his head yes (whatever you say mom!).

So, I just wanted to share what he typed out today:
"new school call kindergarten write you numbers letters look at books play with toys cut paper home for ovilla (meant to be Oliva [cartoon]) is a pig ovilla dress up on ha your bus to animal prade (parade) four sleeps"

I'm not too sure what the "four sleeps" is for, unless he thinks he will be starting Kindergarten in "four sleeps".

I think he seems pretty excited to start his new "big boy" school. I on the other hand can wait :).

Oh and boy do I have some pictures of one cool man. Today, Kaden rode on grandpa's motorcycle down the alley and back (twice, he wanted more). He was disappointed however, because he wanted to ride to his friends house. I told him he will have to wait until he is at grandpa's (grandpa only lives a block from his friend's house).

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

By Golly, He's Got It

Today Brody has seemed to figure out how to get back onto his back. The first go around was an accident, but the two other times I think it was a real thought out plan he had :). He hasn't seemed to pick it up as fast as he did the rolling onto his tummy, but he'll get it. He is also liking his belly a lot more. Oh and boy does he like putting things in his, blankies, my name it.

Tomorrow is Kaden's last day of pre-k. I can not believe that in a few months he will be in Kindergarten. My baby boy is growing up. I am is such awe over him. He is simply amazing.

So today I read another word he typed out that I didn't know he knew how to spell. He typed out "all done watching the show". I had no idea he knew how to spell watching...he is pretty good about making things plural, or adding "ing". Again, simply amazing.

One last thing...Monday I decided to let Brody taste baby food. He did pretty good, although I know he is still pretty young. We tried the sweet potatoes. He knew to open his mouth when he saw the spoon heading for it, and he moved it around in his mouth pretty good. I just didn't want to give him too much at this time. We will wait a little longer...he just seems so interested when we are eating "real" food around him, I had to try.

Well, it is almost the weekend and I can't wait. Hope everyone has a great rest of the week.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

As of Friday night, Brody has learned how to roll onto his belly. Does he like it there,, not really. He doesn't mind tummy time as long as we keep it short and sweet. Now that he has figured out how to roll onto his belly, he does it constantly. Once he gets there, he starts grunting and then screaming. He has figured out how to roll back onto his back. Needless to say, we are continously having to stop what we are doing to help him back onto his back. It is kind of funny!!! Pretty soon he will be rolling all over the place.

Kaden is a SUPER big brother. He continues to be very helpful, giving Brody his toys and wanting to help with diaper changes (I wonder how long that will last). The other day he was telling Brody and I all about Nemo on his communication device. Here is his conversation...

Nemo lives in the cool water sharks haves big teeth sharks haves no hair sharks scary hey brody you can play no no no no big boys

So he had given Brody the Nemo movie when he told him he could play then he took it away after typing no and started laughing. I thought it was funny that he is already teasing him, it probably won't be as funny later on down the road. He is so into the "big boy, little boy" stuff. According to Kaden "big books" are for big boys and "little books" are for little boys. He likes to seperate what he considers baby toys from big boy toys. He is too cute. And wow, he likes to tell us everything he can think up on his communication device. It is so nice to have and for him to be able to put into words his thoughts. He is absolutely amazing with all that he can spell. I have never met any other 4 year old or heard of one for that matter with that great of spelling. I am going to have to video tape him some day so I can look back on it in the future, just to remind myself of just how smart he was at this show him as well.

One more quick story. Today I asked Kaden if he wanted to hold Brody. He reached up to help me put Brody on his lap. Well, Brody has been into "gnawing" on things and what better place then Kaden's arm. Kaden didn't think it was the best place and was quick to give him back. My mom reminded me that it won't be that cute once he gets teeth...ouch!!! Well, I better get going. Tomorrow Kaden has a friend from school coming over to should be a great day for Kaden, this is the first. He absolutely adores this little boy. He talks about him all of the time. I guess the two of them hug all of the time at school. His teacher told me the other day that Kaden's friend had said to Kaden "you can hug me anytime you want." I thought it was super sweet. I have heard nothing but great things about this kiddo and how he treats Kaden. I am excited to see how tomorrow goes.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

And Now, For Your Viewing Pleasure...

I finally made myself sit down and download these pictures. Ok, so I downloaded them while I was doing other things, but anyhow they are downloaded and ready to be posted!!! So here goes...there are a ton of them.

Kaden's first day riding the bus to school. As you can see he is very thrilled ;).

As you can see there are some going way back to Easter...hey what can I say I am a "busy" mommy. There are also some from a trip we made to Hannibal, MO for a Boeckman reunion. I love the one with Kaden on the potty was hilarious, but when you got to go, you got to go. Kaden is doing very well now on the potty. He has an accident about once a day, not too shabby. Yesterday he finally stood while peeing (twice).

The picture of Kaden with green all over his mouth was of him licking an mm, his favorite candy (he doesn't eat them, just licks them). Then the picture of him in the hats are of him waiting for the ferry boat ride. The one with him and Nate are in the ferry, it was raining so we stayed inside of the boat. The one of Nate (Mr. Stud :)) and then of Kaden with his hood on are when we went to the of my favorite things we did on the mini-vacation. Our stroller was a little too big for some areas and there was one point where Nate and his dad had to lift the stroller up over their heads to get it through the cave...I was laughing my butt off. The first couple of pictures are the most recent, just took them a day or two ago. As you can see Brody is growing like a weed. He just turned 3 months and is in 12 months clothing. He is a very happy baby. Kaden is adjusting well to him and is mommy's big helper. He helped me change a diaper a couple of days ago...luckily for both of us it was just a wet one.

Things are going well here. But I better log off so I can finish getting things together. Hope you enjoyed the pictures.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Always Rushed...

I feel like the start from the start of my day to the end of my day I am RUSHED. I can not stand that feeling and because of it I think I am loosing my mind...seriously. I forget EVERYTHING, no kidding, EVERYTHING. Well, ok, I remember my name and the name of those I love :).

So, yesterday I went to Kaden's IEP meeting...for next year, when he starts KINDERGARTEN. Oh baby is going to be in Kindergarten. That brings tears to my eyes just typing it. So, back to being rushed. I was not satisfied with the meeting. Not that it was a horrible meeting, but that it was during my lunch hour and I feel like we really didn't accomplish much. I mean, it is going to be a new school, with new staff including nursing (our nurse, who has been with Kaden for about 2 1/2 years will be having a baby right before Kaden goes to school...great for her, sad for us). I really wanted to go over more, A LOT more. I am hoping to meet again before school starts, maybe even with Kaden to give him a chance to meet them and them to meet him (more then just a "hi"). Anyway, I am going to stop here, I am watching a show on autism and it is really interesting. I really do want to post pictures, hopefully this weekend.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Another Angel

June 23, 2008 - May 11, 2009
My heart breaks. Tonight I read that Kayleigh passed away last night in her parents' arms. Heaven has received another beautiful angel. Please pray for her family. She spent her 11 months of life in the hospital. Stop by her blog and leave her family a message. Believe it or not, it really brought some comfort to Nate and I when we could log on and read all of the thoughtful messages you all left when Ava passed away. You can find her button under my friends list.

My dad's cousin has passed away. Again, please send prayers of comfort and healing.

Thank you.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day

I hope all you mommies had a wonderful Mother's Day. I saw this on a blog I read tonight and wanted to share it with all of you.

Thoughts of a Mom

By Maureen K. Higgins

Many of you I have never even met face to face, but I've searched you out every day. I've looked for you on the Internet, on playgrounds and in grocery stores. I've become an expert at identifying you. You are well-worn. You are stronger than you ever wanted to be. Your words ring experience, experience you culled with your very heart and soul. You are compassionate beyond the expectations of this world.

You are my "sisters." Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority. A very elite sorority. We are special. Just like any other sorority, we were chosen to be members. Some of us were invited to join immediately, some not for months or even years. Some of us even tried to refuse membership, but to no avail. We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICU units, in obstetrician's offices, in emergency rooms, and during ultrasounds. We were initiated with somber telephone calls, consultations, evaluations, blood tests, x-rays, MRI films, and heart surgeries.

All of us have one thing in common. One day things were fine. We were pregnant, or we had just given birth, or we were nursing our newborn, or we were playing with our toddler. Yes, one minute everything was fine. Then, whether it happened in an instant, as it often does, or over the course of a few weeks or months, our entire lives changed. Something wasn't quite right. Then we found ourselves mothers of children with special needs.

We are united, we sisters, regardless of the diversity of our children's special needs. Some of our children undergo chemotherapy. Some need respirators and ventilators. Some are unable to talk, some are unable to walk. Some eat through feeding tubes. Some live in a different world. We do not discriminate against those mothers whose children's needs are not as "special" as our child's. We have mutual respect and empathy for all the women who walk in our shoes.

We are knowledgeable. We have educated ourselves with whatever materials we could find. We know "the" specialists in the field. We know "the" neurologists, "the" hospitals, "the" wonder drugs, "the" treatments. We know "the" tests that need to be done, we know "the" degenerative and progressive diseases and we hold our breath while our children are tested for them. Without formal education, we could become board certified in neurology, endocrinology, and psychiatry.

We have taken on our insurance companies and school boards to get what our children need to survive, and to flourish. We have prevailed upon the State to include augmentative communication devices in special education classes and mainstream schools for our children with cerebral palsy. We have labored to prove to insurance companies the medical necessity of gait trainers and other adaptive equipment for our children with spinal cord defects. We have sued municipalities to have our children properly classified so they could receive education and evaluation commensurate with their diagnosis.

We have learned to deal with the rest of the world, even if that means walking away from it. We have tolerated scorn in supermarkets during "tantrums" and gritted our teeth while discipline was advocated by the person behind us in line. We have tolerated inane suggestions and home remedies from well-meaning strangers.

We have our own personal copies of Emily Perl Kingsley's "A Trip To Holland" and Erma Bombeck's "The Special Mother." We keep them by our bedside and read and reread them during our toughest hours.

We have coped with holidays. We have found ways to get our physically handicapped children to the neighbors' front doors on Halloween, and we have found ways to help our deaf children form the words, "trick or treat." We have accepted that our children with sensory dysfunction will never wear velvet or lace on Christmas. We have painted a canvas of lights and a blazing Yule log with our words for our blind children. We have pureed turkey on Thanksgiving. We have bought white chocolate bunnies for Easter. And all the while, we have tried to create a festive atmosphere for the rest of our family.

We've gotten up every morning since our journey began wondering how we'd make it through another day, and gone to bed every evening not sure how we did it.

We've mourned the fact that we never got to relax and sip red wine in Italy. We've mourned the fact that our trip to Holland has required much more baggage than we ever imagined when we first visited the travel agent. And we've mourned because we left for the airport without most of the things we needed for the trip.

But we, sisters, we keep the faith always. We never stop believing. Our love for our special children and our belief in all that they will achieve in life knows no bounds. We dream of them scoring touchdowns and extra points and home runs. We visualize them running sprints and marathons. We dream of them planting vegetable seeds, riding horses, and chopping down trees. We hear their angelic voices singing Christmas carols. We see their palettes smeared with watercolors, and their fingers flying over ivory keys in a concert hall. We are amazed at the grace of their pirouettes. We never, never stop believing in all they will accomplish as they pass through this world.

But in the meantime, my sisters, the most important thing we do, is hold tight to their little hands as together, we special mothers and our special children, reach for the stars.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

One Year...

So one year has come and gone. This has been the fastest, yet the longest year of my life. So much has happened. First, we lost our baby girl (May 7, 2008). About a month later, I found out that I was pregnant. We had our baby boy, and now we are here again, with tomorrow marking the one year "anniversary" of loosing Ava Rae. I hate to call it anniversary. When I think of the word "anniversary", I think of a joyous a wedding anniversary. I can tell you that May 7th was not a joyous occassion for me.

As I sit here typing this in tears, my heart is breaking. I know that I am blessed with my two boys, any mommy would be lucky to have the two of them. However, a piece of me is little girl. Ava would be a little over 15 months old today. I wonder what she would look like, what kind of personality she would have, what she would be getting into. I think about the future. I wonder how many boys daddy would have had to run off, what she would look like in a wedding gown, seeing her daddy walk her down the aisle, seeing her grow as a person.

I can not type much today, for many reasons. But as always, Ava baby, you are in my heart and on my mind. Our lives are forever changed because of you. You are a gift that was easily accepted from God, a gift that I would never return. I wish your time here with us was longer, a lot longer, but I am happy that I got the time that I did with you. I know that you watch over us, I feel it. My heart just aches for you, it always will I am sure. What I would give to hold you again, to hear you again, to kiss you again. You are my angel. My love for you goes deeper then words. Mommy, daddy, and bubby miss you. Brody is learning all about you already. He stares at your pictures on the wall all of the time. I think he too is in awe of your beauty. Again, we love you baby girl...forever and ever.


Monday, May 4, 2009's a secret

Saturday, Nate and I had a wedding to go to. My parents watched the boys and took them shopping (as they do the first weekend of every month to get new toys and books). We of course, came home late and the boys were already sleeping. So come Sunday, Kaden woke up and grabbed white. First thing he types "like to run Kaden's friends off vent." I helped him with his sentence, so he retypes it "I like to run with my friends when I am off my vent." He then continues by typing "lets go." I couldn't help but laugh. Shortly after he reminds me that he went shopping with grandpa and grandma the day before. He then types "Kaden got mommy disney card snow white mothers day." I laughed and reminded him that it is suppose to be a secret :). He is so funny.

So, as I mentioned before, it has almost been a year since we lost Ava. This Thursday will mark the year. As you all have probably heard over and over again, we miss her terribly. There is not a day that goes by that she is not thought of. There are no words to describe our feelings and the pain that we feel every day although it may not be mentioned. Well, a little while ago I was scheduling appts. for Kaden. I think with my lack of sleep at the time (having a newborn and just returning to work)I was not thinking clearly and scheduled several of his appts. for Thursday. When making it, I knew something was significant for this day, I just couldn't put my finger on it until I got them all scheduled. I am so upset with myself. It is already difficult to go to Children's Mercy. I am nervous and can already imagine how difficult it will be on Thursday. I could put the appts. off, but some of them Kaden really needs and I can not put his needs off because of mine. After a long day at CMH on Thursday, we will come home to go to Kindergarten round up for Kaden. It will be a busy day, but the whole time I will have little Miss Ava on my mind.

I know I need to post pictures, it just takes so much time and I don't have the time to give right now. I will try to do it this weekend.