Saturday, April 5, 2008

A Little Frustrated

I want to start out by saying that I don't mean to sound so down, but I am getting a little frustrated. Not at anyone in particular, just at this whole situation. I would NEVER wish any of this on anyone. I just want to be able to go home...too.

I guess I just don't understand how it seems like everyone else heals/recovers so quickly. Ava is in a double room, meaning that she ends up having roommates (most of which are infants who have had heart surgery themselves). Lucky for them they are quickly taken out of the PICU and get to go to the floor...preparing to leave for home!!! However, I get to see this progress in others babies, but not in my own...which is making me a little frustrated. Don't get me wrong...I am thankful for Ava's progress so far and happy that these other babies are recovering, I just want to be in the situation that our neighbors seem to be in and not in the same situation that Kaden went through. I love and am thankful for the fact that Ava is as strong as she is and she still fighting. I just get worried that by the time we are ready to leave we will be on or way back up for her second surgery. I know that there are other things to worry about, but with Kaden it would be too hard to be up here for a longer period of time. I just can't believe it has already been almost 9 weeks and time keeps ticking.

Ava is still on the vent and we were hoping that she would be able to come off today...but she has too much fluid built up. They are going to look at her heart and make sure that it is still functioning right before they decide what they are going to do with the extra fluid. I will keep you updated on that. Right now she is just sleeping away. I think I remember hearing that they were going to start feedings today, through her G-tube. So I guess that is another step forward.

I am sorry for posting my frustration. I know that I have a lot to be thankful for. I think my emotions sometimes get the best of me. Thank you for "listening." Hopefully I will be able to post something more positive later.


Isabella said...

Don't appoligize for feeling this way. It is normal!! There is nothing more frustrating than sitting and waiting and then watching everyone else get better and go home. I know the feelings of helplessness and all you want is for God to just reach down and fix little Ava. Your post brought tears to my eyes. It is so hard when you have Kaden at home and Ava at the hospital. You are never able to fully feel like you are where you should be. I know I would miss Abby and Maddy so bad when I was in KC but then when I would go home I would feel like I abanodoned Bella. I wish I had a magic wand and I could make this all go away for you. I can however pray, and beleive me I will be praying and praying and praying!!! And Amy, please let me know if I can do anything for you. And as always the offer still stands for you to call me if you ever need to.
Love and even more prayers

Carey said...

hey there, i emailed you, but we're still here. ryan is here with me, minus my a little less chaotic this weekend. i think i'm going to jazzercise in the morning, would you like to go? it might do you some good to get away for an hour??? come on up if you can tonight.

Ashlea said...

You have every right to feel that way, and unfortunately, the best we can do is listen to you. It's awful to sit and watch people come and go. I don't think that they should put long term patients in double rooms. I know it's a little far-fetched, but maybe you should ask to be moved to a single room. It really won't do anything beneficial for her particularly, but at least you don't get (what I liked to call) a slap in the face every time a kiddo is doing well. I understand how you feel, and don't apologize for it. Things will get better, and remember there are so many people thinking and praying for you guys.