Monday, October 27, 2008

The Greatest Love...




I just have been thinking about how lucky I am to experience the greatest love that there is...being a mommy. I can not explain how much I love my babies. I am totally head over heals for them. I try not to think about the negative all of the time, but I can not get over the fact of how difficult it is as a mommy (or daddy) to sit back and watch your baby (or babies) go through something you have no control over. I miss Ava every day. I feel that she is watching over us and helping me keep Kaden as well as Brody safe. But yet, as a mommy I want to know that Kaden is happy, that he is treated fair when I am not around. I want others to love him as much as I love him. I want them to believe in him, as much as I believe in him. He is a true gift, not only to me, but to those who open their world to him. He is the most friendly, loving boy I know. I can not get enough of his kisses or big hugs. He tells us he loves us all of the time(by typing it on his lightwriter) and he continues to tell us that he loves Ava and now Brody. He types "kiss" and then kisses us, or "hug" and then hugs us. He can make me smile through anything.

Since everything has happened, I feel that I have become more "over-protected" of Kaden. I do not like leaving him to go to work, I don't even like taking him to school. I don't like the fact that I can not be there with him all of the time. I don't know if that is because of the kind of person I am, or if it's because of the person I have become. I wish I could put Kaden in a bubble and know that nothing will ever hurt him physically or emotionally. I know that is impossible. I know (deep, deep down) that it is "good" for Kaden to experience life. He deserves it, but he also deserves to be treated fairly, to be treated just like everyone else.

Tomorrow, Kaden is going to be sitting in the pre-K class to see how it goes. I am excited for him, but also scared for him. He didn't seem to excited about it tonight when we talked about it which makes me want to say "never mind, you don't have to go to pre-K, you can stay were you are comfortable." Then, I have to talk myself into letting him grow up and tell myself that he is a big boy, he can handle it. I think what worries me is that the teacher seems "intimidated" (for lack of a better word) to have him in her class. Our first experience of Kaden going to school was great...although I was sad that he was already going. The teacher and para's were amazing. They welcomed him with open arms, and, well, I guess I just expected that from everyone. However, that is not the case. I don't feel as comfortable letting him go. I know that with time (and probably very little time) this teacher will fall in love with him too.

I added "My Wish" by Rascall Flatts again to our song list because whenever I hear this song, I think about Kaden and now Brody. It is very fitting.

Kaden, angel Ava, and baby Brody,

I love you guys more then I will EVER be able to tell you. I hope you feel every ounce of it. I promise to always be there for you, no matter what the situation. I hope you feel that you can come to me with anything. I hope that you know that daddy and mommy feel blessed that you are in our lives and that you all are very much wanted. We love, love, love you guys, forever and always.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Love always and forever,
mommy

5 comments:

My Three Sons said...

I just love your passion. I'm pretty sure that all three of your babies know just how much you love them. They are all lucky to have you as thier mommy.

As far as Kaden, it is always hard to watch your first child go to school. I know that Kaden's situation is different but your still a mommy and it is so hard to know that they are "growing up". I was bawling when I watched Coltan get on the school bus. I then looked like a crazy mom and drove to his school to video tape him getting off of the bus and walk into the school. Then of course I was back at his sitters when he got off the bus to take more pictures. So, as I'm typing this, I laughing my rear off at the site of you doing the same thing. (just so you know, I was a little more relaxed when Cody started school, not so dramatic)

Take care and never forget how much even I have learned from you. Your motherhood is as graceful as a beautiful ballet. You are a one of a kind!

Love you!!!

The Bryant Family said...

OMG Gosh Amy--you put it so well. Our kids are our everything, it is so hard to let them go, to experience those unpleasantries. I am very sad that you didnt feel warm and fuzzy about the teacher. Maybe if you talk to her about it...tell her you felt like maybe she was uncomfortable and maybe explain anything that could be scary. I know we shouldnt have to handle the teacher with kid gloves but if it helps Kaden or you feel better and more at ease. I believe Kaden will light up her life...he is such a sweet, smart kid. The kids will love him! Tuckers teacher is tough. She expects the same from him as the typical kids, I wasnt sure I would like that. (yes I want that but it was kind of a drag him to what is expected kind of thing) IT is truly a gift to see Tuck put his coat up and go to sit for breakfast with the other kids. They all greet him with HI TUCKER..Look Tucker is here...Sit here Tucker....I believe it will be the same for Kaden. Hang in there. Change is hard, very hard...but look how far he has come.
Is there anything I can do about helping to get him the computer that his is currently borrowing? I know you said you were working on a few things to get him one. Is there anything I can do? What is the machine called exactly? I can do some phone work on my end. I have a few contacts that I can try. Have you ever contacted Reach For Kids? they were a great resource for me when I needed help with Tuckers Neocate... (ouch very expensive formula) They have some organizations that they can get funds from. Let me know.
Hugs to you.....

Rachel said...

Amy,

Kaden is gonna be just fine. He is one of the strongest kids I've ever had the pleasure of knowing (even though I don't "know" him). You are such a wonderful Mom to love so deeply!

He's gonna do G-R-E-A-T. And his teacher and the kids are gonna love him.

PS...I didn't know you chose the name Brody...where the heck have I been. I love it!

Rachel

Susan (5 Minutes For Mom) said...

Okay, now I'm crying!!!!

I know what you mean about loving your babies just sooooooo much. I feel like that too... that I cannot even explain how much I love my girls.

I'm sure Kaden will love school and will bless the entire classroom!!!

kristen@nosmallthing said...

Hi there...I have a little boy with severe hearing loss, and he wears hearing aids. I remember signing him up for pre-k (he is in his second year of pre-k now, so this was almost two years ago when I signed him up). I have two children that had just gone to this pre-k, so the director was very very familiar with me. I asked her if the teachers could make a very small accomodation for my son, Henry, and she of course said yes. She gave me all the "right" answers. But I could tell that her heart was not in it. I could tell by some of her comments, that she didn't feel this was the pre-k for Henry. And that she didn't really want to deal with the accomodations, and perhaps she was nervous about how to "handle" him. I don't know. In the end, I was so frustrated with her responses, and felt that he would have more success in an environment that was more accepting.

Anyway, all that is just to say that I know what you mean about the teacher being hesitant... I wonder if it is just new to them, and they are just unsure of how to deal with a child that needs any accomodation at all. I don't know. It's hard for us mommies, isn't it? To let go a little? But you're right...we've got to let them experience life. Even the tough stuff. Kaden seems like a beautiful boy, and I'm sure he will touch everyone he meets.