Saturday, May 31, 2008

My beautiful angel.

This video is of Ava and her never ending hiccups. She was trying so hard to fall asleep.

Last night was difficult for me. I had the hardest time falling is becoming a trend. I actually ended up going through her things and trying hard to remember everything about her. It scares me when I feel like I can't remember she felt in my arms, how she smelled, anything. I decided to take one of her blankets to bed and cuddle with it (I got that idea from Micah and Jason...thanks, it is a great idea). I have been having unbelievably good days for awhile now, but last night it just hit...again. I miss her so much. I guess just the thought of not seeing her or holding her crept back into my mind. Not that I don't want to think about those things, it is just easier for me to get through a day not doing so...I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound so mean. Never the less, I miss Ava...EVERYTHING about her.

I love you baby girl, you are forever in my heart.


Isabella said...

That was such a sweet video. I just hate all of this for you. It breaks my heart to no end. I can't even begin to imagine how much you miss her. I am glad Micah suggested the blanket at bed time.
As always, if you need ANYTHING, please let me know. I am always here.
Love and Prayers Always

Anonymous said...

you've never met me, but i found your blog through a friend of mine, who is a contact of yours. first, let me say that i'm sorry. this may not help, but i find it a comforting thing. i've been reading a lot about reincarnation lately and found this. souls usually reincarnate together, in similar roles. you'll have your daughter again someday, the same sweet and beautiful child, in a different package. they say it's why there's such a strong connection when a mother looks at her baby the first time, there's a recognition, you've found a linked soul again. so while it hurts to know she's gone for now, you'll see her again someday, in heaven or another life. they also say that we live our life until we've completed a part of our soul. it's our job to learn a significant lesson and to teach a significant lesson to another soul. once that work is done, we're free to move into a realm where we are at peace, calm and full of love and light and energy, until it is our turn to live again. your little girl was sent by God to teach you. And when her job was done, she was called back home to Him. Her soul knew that it had done it's job and she could go back to the light. It is natural and right to miss your daughter, and to mourn her loss. But also rejoice for her, that she is in a place of love and warmth and light, and that she is never truly gone from you. You've been blessed with your son and daughter. The joy of one might have been short-lived, but never let it temper the memory of her, or keep you from basking in all that your son has to give you. You'll always remember her, love her, and miss her, until it is time for you to see her again.

Mary B. said...

I love the videos. They just help me remember so much more, better. Thanks for posting them. I'm back home and off all day tomorrow. Maybe we can talk then.

Rachel said...

Thank you for sharing this video. As I've said before, Ava is one beautiful girl. You are so lucky to have had her here. I miss her dearly in my heart. I pray every day for you and your family! Just remember...she is always in your heart and you will see her again, as I hope we all do! I only wish I was as strong as you. You are my hero! I live in KC, MO and if you ever need an extra shoulder...I am here.

Praying for you always,


My Three Sons said...

What a beautiful video. I think that is a wonderful idea to hold on to one of her blankets. You have a lot of emotions going through you so to feel like you'll forget certain things about Ava is only a natural fear. You will never forget anything about her so try to let your mind ease. She is always going to be a part of you. When I was little, my aunt died and my grandmother pointed at the brightest star in the sky and told me that it was aunt Billie looking down on me. 15 years later, I still find myself going outside and talking to the star. Maybe you could try something like that. It is comforting for me because unless it is storming like tonight, the stars are always out. Please take care and know that my family is praying for your pain to ease.

Love Kaci