Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patty's Day. We all were safe today and escaped any pinches by wearing our green. I actually put a new outfit on Brody, the size...6-12 months and it actually fit.

Well, today Kaden and I took a trip to the hospital to visit his pediatrican. I have noticed since Sunday that his g-tube site is looking really bad. It really hasn't looked great for a long time now, but lately it has been leaking and bleeding a lot. Then Sunday it looked a little swollen and then red. Last night he said it hurt and I asked him if he needs to go to the doctor. He said yes. For Kaden to say yes, it's got to hurt pretty bad (either that or he has realized that he gets stickers when he goes). The doctor thinks it might be some type of infection, but the culture takes about 48 hours for results so she has started him on antibiotics just in case.

It was a beautiful day today, over 80 degrees. When we got home I got his truck out and he drove it for a little while. I almost put the fear in him to the point that he was done at first. I didn't realize it was on the fast setting and he took off, forgetting from the last time he drove how to stop. He finally stopped and was very upset. After me talking him into continuing (it took me a while to get the darn thing out of the yard, and caused me to sweat, we were going to be out there more then two minutes darn it), he realized "oh yeah, it's not so bad" and wanted to drive to grandpa's. Instead we drove down the block and back and he was ready to go in.

I am amazed by Kaden every day. He is such a joy to be around and has the greatest personality. I know that Brody is intrigued by him. He sees Kaden and just stares and reaches out towards him at times. Kaden enjoys being a big brother (I think), well, most of the time. Last night he told me that he (Kaden) is happy and that Brody is sad because he cries (Brody was sleeping at the time). Then tonight while we were praying Kaden signed "thank you for my toys, thank you for baby's toys, thank you for mommy, thank you for daddy, thank you for grandma, thank you for grandpa, thank you for nana" then makes sure we mention Brody. It's very cute.

Not much else is really going on right now. I did take Brody to the doctor last week for his 4 week check up. He weighed 12 lbs 7 oz and is 25 1/4 inch long. He is such a sweet baby and does very well sleeping at night. We don't go to bed until after midnight most nights but he doesn't get up until around 5 am most mornings for his feeding. I know many think that they should eat every 3 hours and that I should be waking him up at night, but I agree with those who say "never wake a sleeping baby : )" besides I talked to his pediatrican about it and he says it's alright!

Missing My Angel...

The title says it all. I miss Ava. I know it's expected, but some days are worse then others, or rather month. I think about Ava all of the time, but I go through these spurts of remembering the sad moments. Lately, I haven't been able to get the day that she passed away out of my head, I pretty much live it over and over again, step by step. It amazes me how I can remember EVERYTHING that happened that day, but I can not remember how Ava felt in my arms, I can not remember what she smelled like, I can not remember all of the good things. But the memories from May 7th felt like it was only yesterday, however it feels like she was here so long ago. That was the worst experience, and nobody should ever have to go through anything like it. I know that I should be happy that Ava is not experiencing pain, and I am, but I wish it were under other circumstances...for instance that she was healed here on earth. As you have read in our previous post, there is a surgeon in Boston that repairs these hypoplastic left hearts...he makes them whole again. It makes me sad and basically sick to my stomach wondering "what if?". What if we would have known about this? Could we have gone to Boston to get Ava's heart repaired? Would it have worked? Would Ava still be here with us?

I know things happen for a reason. Trust me, I KNOW, we have experienced it one too many times. Maybe it's on my mind because of all the deaths that have been happening around us. In one month, 3 people that I personally know, have passed away. My dad's cousin is laying in a hospital, in a coma fighting for his life.

Many people say that death is nothing to fear, but it is my biggest. I am in fear of dying too young...I am a mommy and I want to be here with my kids forever. I am scared of family members dying. I think of things that can go wrong all to often, I know...definitly not healthy. Is that normal??? I think I am going to end this post before I make myself have nightmares when I get to bed.

Sorry, this ended up way off of where I was going. I just started typing away.

Title Change...

As you may have noticed, I have finally changed our title. I liked all of the suggestions, but this one definitely caught my eye. Thanks to you all for the help, I appreciate all the creativity.

A special thanks to Sam for the blankets. We LOVE them. Kaden cuddled with his tonight as he fell asleep...too cute.

Helping Tucker's Heart...

Tucker was born in 2005 with Down Syndrome and a heart defect called Hypo-plastic left heart, the same heart defect that Ava was born with. He has undergone two out of the three heart surgeries required for this heart defect. However, even with all three surgeries, it is not a guarantee for a long life. His parents have found a surgeon in Boston that can repair his heart, giving him a whole heart and a very active, full life. This site has been put into play to help this family get to Boston, to offset cost for travel, room and food while they are there. The surgery is schedule for April 13, 2009. Please visit this site and see all the different raffles you can enter to win and help this family at the same time. Tucker is a beautiful little boy and you can read more about him and his family by clicking the button above but also visiting his mommy's blog site (you can find it on my side bar under The Bryant Family - Tucker. Thank you for helping this family.

Getting Older...

Yesterday I talked to a friend from high school about our 10 year reunion. 10 YEARS!!! That is unbelievable to me and definitely puts it into perspective as to exactly how old I am getting. Then tonight I found a picture of Nate and I on another friends facebook page. It almost made me laugh. I am not exactly sure how long ago this picture was taken, but I want to say about 5-6 years ago. Looking at it makes me want to pinch Nate's cheeks : ), he looks so adorable (AWWWW).

HELP WANTED...and pictures

I have been trying to think of a new title and really wanted one by the time Brody came into this world. However, as you can see I haven't really come up with anything worth hanging on to. So here is where you come in...I NEED HELP!!! I want all three kids involved. For example one that I thought of is "Two Boys and an Angel" but I wasn't too fond of it and know there is something better. Please give me ANY ideas you may have!!! Thank you (in advance) for your help.

Pictures...



My poor bubby...not feeling well and cuddling with his "babies" also known as stuffed animals


still not feeling well but getting comfort from his "babies"

In Our Thoughts and Prayers...

A friend of mine has just lost her mother, Shirley who has been battling cancer for the last couple of years. Shirly is the mother of 19 children (one who went to Heaven very early). They have just recently found out that the cancer was spreading quickly throughout her body. Shirly put up one amazing fight and continued to fight every day. Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers.

Whitney,
My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Your mother is a very special lady who is in a wonderful place watching over you. I know that there are no words right now that can ease your pain but just know that I am here if you need ANYTHING, anything at all. I love you.

Totally stressed out...

Kaden ended up going to the ER today (we were there for almost 4 hours, 1 1/2 hours we spent in the waiting room, well what my dad and I made into a waiting room). We found out that he has RSV. He did a good job being a big boy though. He actually made out with 12 stickers between three different women there, we came home with one and I was wearing that one. The rest ended up getting "dirty" and he decided he wanted to throw them away.

So there is nothing we can do for Kaden besides continue alternating the tylenol and motrin as well as giving him his breathing treatments. Not only am I concerned for Kaden but I also worry about Brody. It scares me knowing what can happen with such a young baby getting this crud. What really has me paranoid, is that on Monday Kaden told us that he was a baby and put Brody's binkie in his mouth. I did rinse it off with hot water, but did not sterilize it. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking of what could go wrong with both of the boys. I really hope that we can keep Brody healthy and get Kaden back to himself really soon.

Sleepless night...

Last night was a sleepless night for us all, well except for Brody. Poor Kaden needed so much suctioning, it felt like Nate and I didn't even get to close our eyes long enough to fall asleep. Every time Kaden started coughing, he started crying. It seems like it really hurts him to cough. So, I called to make an appt for him after he showed that he couldn't get rid of his fever for good, however his doctor was already "full" for the day. I wanted to yell through the phone "My kid is SICK, it is Friday do you want me to wait until Monday???", but I didn't. Instead I asked how I could change to a different peds office (it didn't help that they wouldn't take Brody as a new patient). So, I am changing Kaden's doc to Brody's. Well, I ended up calling our doctor at Children's Mercy, but got the on-call doctor. I explained to him what was going on and he said it sounded like a respitory virus...SIGH. I worry about Kaden but I also worry about Brody getting it. I checked Kaden's O2 levels and it is riding at about 93-94%. This is low for him. I feel absolutely horrible for him. I wish that there was something I could do to make him feel better. He looks miserable and seems very weak. I think tomorrow I will take him to the ER and have them do x-rays and tests to see exactly what is going on and that way we can get meds if he needs them. Please say some extra prayers for us, to get Kaden healthy and keep Brody healthy. Thanks.

My poor big boy...

Kaden is not feeling well. He had a rough morning yesterday. It started by him needing continous suctioning. We got to school and he just sat down in the middle of the hallway whining because he needed so much suctioning. I ended up changing his trach to make sure it wasn't blocked. After everything was done he got up and walked to class like not much had happened. I told his nurse that if he isn't himself later on to call me and I would pick him up. He stayed at school all day and came home and seemed to be alright. Later on in the evening he began to get real cuddlely and whiny. As I was holding him he felt really hot. I took his temp and he had a fever. At 6:30 he told me he was ready for bed. Today he has had a fever off and on. I have been giving him motrin or tylenol and it seems to break it for a little while. I hope he gets over whatever it is and starts acting like himself soon. I also hope that the rest of us do not get it. I feel so bad for him when he doesn't feel well. I wish I could make him feel better. I think if he continues to act like this tomorrow I will take him to the doctor. I am worried that it could be bronchitis again or even pneumonia. He has a cough but tries hard not to do so. My poor baby.

Brody is doing well. He is a really good baby. Either he sleeps good at night or I thought it would be worse then it really is. He had his first appt and the doctor said he is gaining weight really well, I should hope so, the kid eats like a little piggy. Kaden is adjusting to having his new baby brother at home. I think he is a little confused with all of the changes and has a little bit of jealousy. I do not blame him, he has been use to getting all of the attention for pretty much the last 4 1/2 years. It doesn't help that daddy has been working on our new house every day.

Cute...

I just have a couple of cute stories to share with you.

First one:
Yesterday, I had just finished feeding Brody (which is going much better)and said "ok, now mommy needs to burp you." My nephew, Miles (he's five), was near me and said "oh you bought one of those things to put in his belly like Kaden" (talking about Kaden's mickey-button).

Second one:
I was letting Kaden pick out his two bedtime stories, one for himself, one for Ava. Miles was there and asked why he gets two bedtime stories. I explained it to him and his response was "because she is a spirit in the sky that we can't see?"

Third one:
I was feeding Brody (with a bottle because he is a little piggy and I (most of the time) have to follow breast feeding with a bottle of formula. Anyway I said something about Brody eating and Kaden lifted up his shirt and showed Brody his mickey-button and signed "eat".

I love how innocent little kids' minds are.

On another note...
Things are going well. I am really sore (mostly in my back). I think it is from my spinal. I am getting bad headaches and backaches. Hopefully they will go away soon. Brody has his first doctors appt tomorrow. I am anxious to see how much he weighs now. When we left the hospital he was at 10 lbs 4 oz. I am not sure if he is back up some or not. Well, I am going to feed Mr. Brody and hit the sack. I am so tired!!!

Picture Time...

I not only posted the pictures of Mr. Brody, but I also finally posted the pictures I have promised a little while ago.

Meet Mr. Brody:






Here is Kaden, being a big boy waiting for his bronch.






Here we are releasing balloons for Angel Ava's birthday. If you can see it was a really windy day. We had a ton of balloons that ended up getting tangled together. My dad ended up cutting them apart so Kaden could send them one by one. He seemed to really enjoy that.







Sorry it has taken me so long to download pictures. I hope you enjoyed them.

We Are Home!!!

We got home about an hour ago. Sorry I haven't posted any pictures. I had Nate take the laptop home b/c we couldn't get internet in the hospital, but I kept the camera and never downloaded any pictures. I did hear from him however that I needed to post pictures b/c we got a lot of request for them. I will download them tonight when everything settles down and get some posted.

Things are going well. It sure was different to have a baby in a hospital so close to home. Nate was able to go home and hang out with Kaden at night and then take him to school in the mornings. I am sure Kaden enjoyed that very much. I am just so excited to be home!!! It is all to real.

I am really sore, but I hear that time will heal that...I sure hope so. The pain meds make me too drowsey so I really want to try to take as little as those as I have too. Hopefully the motrin helps out. Breastfeeding isn't going too well. The first time we put him on, he did awesome and I thought "wow, this is going to go great." So...I have changed my mind. This big guy is hungry and my milk hasn't come in. He isn't a dummy, he figures "Why in the world am I working so hard for nothing," so he gets really frustrated when it is time to feed and I have the hardest time getting him latched on. Hopefully within the next day or so my milk will start coming in, or I might just break down and give him a bottle.

The c-section went alright...but boy am I glad I decided to go that route. The doctor even had trouble getting Brody's shoulders through the incision. The nurse said that she thought he was going to have to cut it bigger, but he didn't. Nate told me that he thought the doctor was going to rip his head off with the amount of force he needed to use to get him out. Once Brody's head was out the first thing I heard from everyone was "look at those chubby cheeks!!!" Then I heard that he was 11 lbs. I knew he was going to be big, but not that big. The good news is that I love chubby babies : ).

So be on the look out tonight. I will post pictures soon.

Brody Jace Boeckman Born 02-09-09

We checked into the hospital around 7:15 a.m. and about 1230 p.m. the doctor began the c-section procedure. Brody Jace Boeckman was born big and healthy at 1241 p.m.
Brody weighed 11 lbs and was 23 inches in length. Everyone is doing good. Looks like Wednesday is the day to bring Brody home. Kaden wanted to hold Brody as soon as he saw Brody. Kaden was done holding Brody after about two minutes. Kaden told Brody bye bye and then tried to push Brody off his lap towards grandma. We had to have a talk with Kaden about how little (if you can call Brody that)Brody is and he has to be really gentle with him.

It feels great to hold Brody and know that he will be coming home soon.

Pictures will be coming soon.

Tomorrow is the BIG day!!!

I can't believe we are finally going to meet Brody tomorrow. I am so excited, but nervous at the same time. Nate or I will keep everyone posted tomorrow. Stay tuned...

Monday...

Today we had our doctor appt and sonogram. We did the sono first. I heard several times how large Brody is measuring, his stomach was too large for the ultrasound to actually measure. I knew there was a reason I am always hungry!!! Anyway, at the end of the sonogram I asked how big he was measuring. Ok guys, remember it can be off some, but at this time it measured him at 10 lbs 13 oz. My due date is Feb. 17th, however with the size of him my doctor wants to induce on Monday. Fine by me. I am so ready. We talked about the concerns the doctor has with him measuring so big. He even talked about the possibility of having a c-section. He is leaving everything up to us, and I think we are leaning towards the c-section after hearing what could go wrong.

I am really anxious to see just how big he really is. 10 lbs 13 oz??? Really, who has kids that big, and to think that is not even at full term. I will not be surprised if he is actually in the 9's though. We have determined that he has some chubby cheeks from looking at the ultrasound. I can not wait to see him and meet him. Nate thinks he will be born with a lot of dark hair, me I am thinking he may be more blond to start off with (like me, ok actually I was more bald then blond)but there is no way he should be bald with all the reflux I have been having. Both Kaden and Ava had the dark hair, like Nate when he was born. I am just getting very excited!!! I do have some shopping to finish this weekend before he comes. Man, did I put things off.

So, Monday we will have our new addition. I am excited for Kaden to meet him and see that our life will go back to "normal" shortly after. I worry for him and what he is thinking is going to happen after Brody is born. Today he did go through one of his toy boxes and showed me what toys are his and the ONE toy Brody can play with. I did get him talked into letting Brody play with more, it was kind of cute. I am not sure how cute it will be later when they are fighting over the toys, but for now I can smile at it.

So stay tuned, and Monday we should be able to post about Mr. Brody.

Good News...

First of all, I am sorry that I didn't keep everyone updated. I am very tired and coming down with something...probably just a cold but I feel horrible. However it comes and goes and since we have been home it has come and not gone away. Oh, yeah that brings me to this...WE ARE HOME!!! I was very surprised, something I wasn't expecting. The doctor that was on the day that Ava passed, was actually in the PICU today. He came down to the surgery waiting room and asked us if we would feel comfortable taking Kaden home today if it was ok with the surgeon. Of course we said "YES".

Today started very early for us with little sleep from the night. I was very proud of Kaden though. He was in a great mood from the start. We got to the hospital and he had a blast playing with all the toys in the waiting room. They called us back and he was such a big boy...no tears!!! He might actually be getting the hang of all this hospital business : ). We had actually made a trip to the ER Sunday morning because his mickey-button had come out sometime before we woke up. The hole closes up so fast, and I wasn't able to get the replacement in. They got in in pretty easily though in the ER. Ok, so back to today. One of us was able to walk back with Kaden until he was sedated. I let Nate go thinking I might be too anxious. The OR nurse was amazing and Kaden really warmed up to her. She told him to tell mommy bye and he did without hesitation. I gave him kisses and a hug and then he looked at Nate and told him "bye-bye." He wasn't nervous at all. Nate still walked back with him and told me he was a big boy the whole time.

After we heard that we were able to take him home we met him outside of the recovery room. He was so drowsy and not in the same great mood he had been in. In fact, I think he hit me like...three times, just because. Or maybe he was mad at me for letting him go back there...who knows.

So to the good news...awhile back we heard that Kaden's vocal chords are paralyzed closed (letting him make noise, but not get air past them). We were told that most likely Kaden will always need a trach, but that he could come off the vent. Well, today after the bronch and another procedure (do not know how to spell) they found that Kaden had some scar tissue that went from one side of his vocal chords to the other. They cut that out. He also had some tissue built up that they cut out from his trachea. The surgeon stated that she believes that his vocal chords might work and that she wants to do another scope sometime soon when he is awake to see how well, if at all they work. She continued by saying that she is going to talk to Kaden's vent doc and recommend that we work hard at getting him off the vent and if everything goes well with the next scope that we start working on weaning him from the trach as well. I know this is probably coming out to be very confusing. I guess I am just saying that there is a possibility that Kaden can come off the vent and get rid of the trach. I do not know how to explain how happy Nate and I were to here this. I can not wait to be able to get this other scope done...expect for the fact that I know that Kaden will be very, very upset.

I wish I had my camera later on today. We stopped at Nebraska Furniture Mart and Kaden was riding in the cart. He was so grouchy, I can't blame him really. He ended up leaning over the handle and put his head on my belly. I look down a little later and he was out. So here I am, leaning over a cart, Kaden has his head on my belly (drooling may I add) and pushing it around without trying to disturb him. Very comfortable may I add. Nate tried to switch spots with me, but I guess his "belly" wasn't cutting it because Kaden woke up, reached for me and feel back to sleep on the belly.

I do have pictures that I need to get posted. I know I take forever to do this, but I will get it done one day. I am sorry if this is confusing or does not make sense, but I am too tired to proof read it.

Happy 1st Birthday Angel

Ava,

I can not believe that you are one today. It is unbelievable to me how time can go by so fast, but at the same time seem so slow. There is not a day that goes by that we do not think of you and wonder what life would be like with you here with us. I can only imagine all the things you would be getting into right now. Oh, and to see you dig into your first birthday cake, I am sure it would have been a sight to see.

You have touched our hearts. Your fight was amazing, but God had other plans for you. Sometimes it is hard to understand exactly what they were, but I think that your story is helping other families whether or not they may be going through the same things that you went through. You are an inspiration to mommy and daddy. You and your bubby have taught us so many things that others never would have. I hope that you felt the love we have for you while you were here with us and continue to feel it. I also hope that you understand that we had the best intentions in every decision that we had to make for you. Although I would rather have you here with us (I know that may sound selfish)I want to thank you for not leaving the decision up to mommy and daddy. I know that may sound harsh, but I don't think I could have ever had the strength to make that type of decision. I know that you fought as hard as you could for each day you were here with us and I could not ask for anything more. The 3 1/2 months you were with us, although hard and short, are days I will never forget.

I do have a hard time remembering little things, like how you felt in my arms, how soft yours skin was, the sound of your cry. However, I will never forget the love I have for you and the beauty that surrounded you. I think about all that we are going to miss not having you around. I think about how daddy feels about not having is little girl, how he won't be able to scare away your first boyfriend, or how he won't be able to walk you down the aisle. I hear songs that speak of daughters and it makes me miss you even more. They say with time that the heart heals, although I am not sure how true that is. I do think with time that it just becomes more of a reality.

Well baby girl, Kaden and I need to finish getting ready so we can go pick up your daddy and start to celebrate your birthday. We love you more then words can express and miss you terribly. I hope you love all the balloons you will be getting today. I know Kaden is excited to send some to you. He wants to bring you flowers too!!! I know that he misses you so much.

Love you always and forever,
Mommy, Daddy, Kaden and baby Brody

What a weekend...

This coming weekend is approaching fast...too fast. Ava's birthday is just a few days away. Please help us celebrate her life by sending balloons her way. I have had a few people ask me what color I think she would have liked. I think that she would be like her big brother...in which color doesn't matter, just the joy of the balloons themselves. However, she was definitely my "pretty in pink" girl (ok, she was pretty in any color, but my favorite was pink, maybe it's a girl thing).

So Friday, we have an appt in KC for Kaden's pre-admissions stuff. It is also my mom's 21st ; ) birthday. Saturday, of course, is our angels birthday and then Sunday we are headed back to KC to stay the next couple of days for Kaden's bronch. We have decided to go up on Sunday because it is about a 2 hour drive and it seems we happen to be first case every time. It's just easier to stay the night up there the night before. I continue to be concerned about how things are going to go (emotionally). With it being so close to Ava's birthday doesn't help anything. I worry about how Kaden will be feeling and if he will be able to express his thoughts about any of it. My heart breaks just thinking about what could go on in his head. One of us, Nate or I, will stay in the PICU with him over night. I couldn't imagine leaving him there by himself, I am sure that would be a very scary experience for him that I do not want him to go through (for any young child at that). Again, it makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

Well, then we will come home Tuesday. I'll go back to work and hope that Brody comes soon so I can take that maternity leave. I NEED a "break", work is stressing me out on top of other things.

One more thing...
I got a something in the mail awhile back about making a quilt block in memory of Ava to be used at the CMH. I don't know how many of you have seen the memory quilts they have hanging in the hallway, but that is what it will be used for. So anyway, I finally got ours done, (I know, last minute) but now I have to get it to the chaplain. I plan on calling her tomorrow to see if I can just bring it to her Friday or if I need to send it overnight. We will see. So, for those of you who visit the hospital...keep your eyes opened. I don't know how long it will take for them to put the quilts together, but if I hear anything I will let you know.

Thanks.

One Step Closer...

I had a doctor appt today. The baby is still growing, but I already knew that!!! I am dialated to 1cm. I know, it doesn't seem like much, but it sure made me happy to know that I am not just experiencing the contractions without any progress. I'll take it. I still have 3 1/2 weeks left until my due date, so we will see if he comes a little early, whether on his own or at the request of the doctor.

Sleep just keeps getting harder and harder to come by. Who needs sleep, right? I know they say it is to prepare you for when the baby comes, but I really think that is unfair. I think Kaden is getting on a different schedule as well. The little stinker woke up a little after 5am yesterday morning and didn't want to go back to sleep. Actually, he has been getting up when I get up for work and he is normally my sleeping buddy on the weekend, sleeping until at least 9. Maybe, he knows things are changing. He is doing really well in school. He actually has a bronch coming up so we will be at CMH the 2nd and 3rd of Feb. for that. I am not looking forward to it. One reason, I do not know how he is going to react being in the PICU after everything with Ava. Second reason, I don't know how I am going to feel about being in the PICU after everything with Ava. I knew that the time would come, I just wish it didn't have to.

Which brings me to my next topic. Ava's birthday is going to be here in about a week. I can't believe that she will be one already. It makes me so sad to know all that we missed with her this past year. Well, we have decided to do a balloon release to celebrate with her. It is so hard to think of ways to celebrate a special occassion like this without her here to celebrate it with. Please join us, as there are many of you who follow along in our journey, and release a balloon for Ava. We would love to see pictures of you all with your balloons so that we can put it in Ava's scrap book. You can e-mail them to me at nateandamy1@yahoo.com. I think that I am going to do cupcakes and things with our family, but haven't thought of all the details. I want to thank you all for being (in a way) a part of our family, although we haven't had the pleasure of meeting most of you. I will put a reminder up for Ava's birthday the closer we get to it. Thanks again.

***SIGH***

Finally, I have been able to change the background. It was driving me a little nuts, that with other things like HORMONES. So, now I will go with the Valentines theme, I know it is a little early, but who knows how much time I will have to do things in the near future.

I continue to be uncomfortable. Sleep is getting harder and harder to come by. Seriously, how many pillows does a pregnant women need to get comfortable??? I guess it probably would help if I didn't sleep between two bed hogs (aka Nate and Kaden), but in the non-pregnant world that is the best place to be :). I don't know if my stomach can take too much more, ok, well my whole body. I am so sore, almost all of the time. I can't get up without regretting thinking it over and then regretting it. However, most of the time I do not have a choice of staying where I am. I wake up almost every hour to roll over, the whole time saying "Ow Ow Ow" and moving little by little. I know, I know, I am complaining, but right now I feel I have every right too : ). I will be in complete shock if Brody isn't close to Kaden's weight, although I don't remember feeling so awful back then, but hey, that was over 4 years ago.

I am so excited to meet this little guy. I am really excited to see Kaden with him. I think he is going to do very well with him. I am nervous about making sure that Kaden feels loved and not left out. Nate is busy with building the house right now, so I think I will be here with the boys by myself quite a bit, and I just want to make sure that Kaden has enough attention from mommy.

Today, my mom, Kaden and I went shopping for part of the day. We didn't get too much. We actually went to get my birthday present, however I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for. We went to a furniture store and looked around. We ended up by the children's furniture and Kaden found a bunkbed, his size. He was able to get on it and off of it by himself. But yes, we have received the furniture you all helped him get (some of you have been asking about it), we just haven't put it up yet because we have decided to wait until we get into the new house. I did remind him that he already has a big boy bed and when we get into the house he will be sleeping in it, which I am excited for but nervous about at the same time.

Other then that, I finally started getting into the "nesting" stage. However, I am so tired and sore all of the time it is hard for me to actually get going. Oh, one day...maybe.

Is it just me...

I know a lot of the blogs I follow and vice-versa use the cutest blog on the block for their backgrounds...so I was just wondering, is anyone else unable to get on their site. I have been waiting for awhile to change my background and have not been able to get on their site. Any advice???

Waiting...

I have been wanting to change my background for the last couple of days, but unfortunately the site I use is down right now. It is driving me a little on the crazy side. Hopefully within the next few days I can get it done, however, by then I will probably be a too lazy.

Well, yesterday I had a doctor's appt. They asked if I was having any contractions and I told the nurse that I didn't know if the were braxton hicks or real ones. So the doctor checked me. I was not dilated yet (which is fine with me b/c it is still kind of early) but he did say my cervix is softening. He then measured the baby. After doing so, he sat down and shook his head. He then says..."I don't know Amy, he is a big baby." He asked me how big Kaden and Ava were. I am confused about this part...he said something about the baby being 8.5-9lbs. Then he said something about having him at 38 weeks. He said that they will probably do an ultrasound at this time and see how big he is and decide from there. I am confused because when I first heard the 8.5-9lbs Nate and I figured he was talking about how much he felt Brody might weigh at birth. Well, then I started thinking, I told him how much my other two weighed and that I had no complications so why not just let me go until Brody decides to come on his own. So now I am wondering if he is thinking that he is at that weight now and that is the reason for his expression and comment after measuring me/baby. It would totally explain why I am as uncomfortable as I am. No joke. Today I woke up and could barely walk...ok, move. If I didn't know any better I would think that I was going to have him any day...like he is just going to fall out of me (ok that was probably too much information).

Today, I took out all the clothes that my mother and I bought, as well as the clothes that others gave us and separated sizes and did a lot of washing. Brody should be good for the 3-6months size. I am so excited. Baby clothes are the best!!! I can not wait to put them on him. I think I already have his "going home" outfit picked out!!! So now, I need to get everything else!!! After the appt. I started thinking, 38 weeks, that is in like 3 weeks from now. Not much time to get everything done and bought. Why am I such a procrastinator???

A Little Fun...

I have two things I would like from all of our readers...

First of all, I am amazed at how many readers we have. It really touches my heart to know that my babies touch yours. I can not believe how many people log on and read each day. I am very curious to know who you all are and how you found our blog (if you remember, I can't remember how I have found others myself). So please, leave a comment and let us know...

While your at it, I would like for you guys to guess a weight for baby Brody. My mom, grandma and I were talking about it tonight, here are their guesses...

My mom - 1st guess 10 lbs 13 oz, after I gave her a look like she was crazy she changed it to 10 lbs 3 oz but she thinks he will be around 26 in....I never heard of a baby that long : ) I think she is a little tired!!!!

My grandma - 9 lbs 8 oz

Me - hopefully big enough, but not too big. I will be surprised if he is not close to Kaden's weight and height.

Just a little background info:
Nate was just a little over 10 lbs when he was born

Me, well I was 8 lbs 1/2 oz and 21 inches long

Kaden - 9 lbs 13 oz and 23 inches long

Ava - 8 lbs 8 oz and 20 1/2 inches long (I was told 8 lbs 7 oz however it was written at 8 oz)

Baby Brody - ??????? On the last sono I was exactly 26 weeks and he was measuring at about 29 weeks 3 days.

While I am talking about baby weights, did you all see the baby who was born weighing 14 lbs...that I would like to stay away from!!!

So, leave a comment and let us know who you are, how you found us and your guess on Baby Brody's weight!!! It will be very interesting and fun for us to read. Thank you for your time!!! For those we already know in the blogging world, we would still like to hear from you too!!!

I hope everyone is having a great New Year so far!!!

I might try to post a recent picture of the belly to give you all an idea of how big I really am, tomorrow.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I hope everyone had a safe and happy new year!!!


I have a lot to say about 2008. We have been through highs and lows (about as low as any parent could get). I am excited to start a new year and look forward to experiencing the new gifts life has to give us.

Kaden,
You have grown so much over the last year. What a big boy you are becoming. You have learned to walk and continue to work on the potty training, but I know in your own time you will get it (hopefully sooner then later). You continue to amaze mommy and daddy with how incredibly smart you are. You have been working so hard to come off your vent, unfortunately the bronchitis you had still has it's affects on your lungs which is making it difficult for you to come off your vent for very long.

You have taught mommy and daddy so much. I only pray that you feel how special you are to mommy and daddy. We love you so much. For your four years here with us, you have been through a lot. Not only with what you have gone through but watching what your sissy has been through and then all of us as a family. You give mommy and daddy incredible strength, you must have some type of superhero powers. You are definitely mommy and daddy's hero. We are so proud of you and feel so lucky that you are OUR son. The love we have for you is undescribable, it goes way beyond words. I pray that your 2009 is filled with nothing but greatness for you. You deserved every bit of it.

We love you so much. You are very special and we are very lucky to have the pleasure of watching you grow, learn and just love you.

Love you always and forever,
Mommy and Daddy


Angel Ava,
Although you are not physically here with us, your memory is always with us. We miss you so much. Even with the outcome, we are glad you came into our lives (like the song "The Dance"). Thank you for fighting as long as you did, just so mommy, daddy and bubby could be with you a little longer. This year has gone by so fast. I can not believe that you will almost be one. It is unbelievable to me.

I feel like you were here so long ago, I think because of how much I miss you. However, I remember every detail of the night I had you. I remember how fast you came into this world. I remember how much I was shaking when I was holding you after you were born and giving you to daddy because I was scared I was going to hurt you or something because I couldn't stop shaking. I hope you know how proud daddy and I are of you. You are an amazing little girl who touched many lives (you take after your brother in that department!!).

I thought about you a lot tonight. I wish you could have celebrated with us, even if you were already in bed like your bubby. Your so precious to us and our love for you will never fade, no matter how many years go bye.

We love you baby girl.

Love always and forever,
mommy and daddy