Neubulizers, Antibiotics, and Shots...

Kaden made a trip to the ER today. The past few days we have been suctioning him a lot more then usual...especially at night. Thursday night, Kaden and I were awake every hour through the night because the poor guy continously coughed and then needed suctioned because he had so much mucuos. I would say we didn't go through one hour without at least five passes with the suction cathedar. Then last night he started running a low fever, however Tylenol seemed to fix that. He was so tired but wanted so bad to stay awake and involved with the activities. Once I got him on my lap, he was out like a light. So, when we woke up today (at 10:00am which was great after getting up through the night with him) he was running a slight fever again. I got us ready and called my dad to have him help bring Kaden to the ER since Nate was at work. I wanted them to check to see if he had bronchitis or pneumonia.

Kaden was not impressed that we were at the hospital. He did not want to be touched or bothered. He got a breathing treatment, that we will be doing at home for a while, then he got chest x-rays done. He was a really big boy with this. He got to stand up to do them, instead of laying down and grandpa got him to say cheese. He thought he was taking a picture. When the results came back the doctor said that "it was not quite pnuemonia." OK??? but wanted to give him a shot of what I believe was some type of antibiotic for pneumonia to stay ahead of it. And what better place to get a shot then in the butt??? Kaden of course had to be held down and the needle still came out and had to go right back in. The nurse said that this shot really stings and is painful for a little bit. However, Kaden really didn't cry much, he just clenched down, I don't know if that was because he was worn out or what. He did want mommy though and held on for dear life. Before holding him, the nurse mentioned the word band-aid and put it on him. Have I ever mentioned how much this child HATES band-aids? Kaden cried worse with this then he did with the shot. You should see how much fun we are having trying to change his diaper right now. He is so nervous we are going to pull it off. I think tomorrow he will have to soak it off in the tub...if he feels up to it. So the nurse did say that it was bronchitis and put him on the oral antibiotics as well as the breathing treatments. My poor guy, he just looks so miserable. It's amazing what tylenol will do for a couple hours though.

Thanksgiving went well. Thursday we had dinner with my family. Friday we went to Nate's family. While there Santa made a visit to their town so we went to see him. Kaden was a little hesitant to walk up to him. He did sit on Santa's lap...without mommy this year. After that he wanted to keep going up to him. He did really well. I am so proud of him. I asked him if he wanted to see Santa again. He of course said yes. So we will have to take a trip to the mall sometime soon. I will post pictures later of his first visit with Santa this year.

Happy Thanksgiving

We just wanted to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I am thankful for a lot of things, but the biggest one being our family.

My Turn...

I guess it is my turn to come down with something. Lucky me. Last night I went to bed at 9:30, that is WAY early for me, I even left dishes in the sink...which by the way drove me nuts this morning. I woke up and had a horrible headache and was just very tired. Now, my throat is feeling sore. I just hope that is the end of it, that no other symptoms come along. I also hope that I can keep Kaden from getting it. He has a surgery coming up and if he gets sick they will have to post-pone it and I am ready to get it done with.

Quick cute story. Today Kaden's class made stone soup. I sent a can of corn with him to put in the soup. I guess the teacher opened the can and asked Kaden to "put the corn in the soup." He did. The can and everything. I guess next time she will have to tell him to pour the corn in the soup!!! Silly guy. I love you buddy, you crack me up.

Flashback...

Today, as I was driving home for lunch I tried to call Nate. He didn't charge his phone last night, so it went straight to voicemail. I then got this really panicked feeling and begin to immediately think of the day that Ava passed away. I began to replay the events in my mind and it all started with me trying to call Nate and I couldn't get a hold of him so I called dispatch and I remember them asking me if everything was alright. I said "yes," through my crying and remember telling them that it was very important.

I don't know if it is the upcoming holidays that brought this on or just something that will occasionally happen to me for the rest of my life. It really tugged on my heart, it just seemed so real again. I remember going out into the waiting room to call Nate because I was upset that they were going to reintubate her (put her back on the vent), that is when I couldn't get a hold of him. After I talked to him, I remember sitting there waiting to be able to go back in her room and then the chaplain came out. Even writing about it right now is making me lose my breath. I remember thinking that the nurses called for her just because I was so upset about the ventilator. Then someone else came out and told me that things were not looking good and asked if there was someone they could call. We went into a private room and they began to call Nate and my dad. Then someone came and got me saying that I needed to go to her room because they didn't think she was going to make it. I remember standing by her bed watching the doctor do CPR and not being able to breathe. They told me to sit down and I just sat there crying. Then the doctor talked to me and the next thing I know is they put her in my arms and used the bag to breathe for her a couple of times and then disconnected it. I remember feeling so bad for her, so bad for Nate that he had to drive up there knowing all this was going on and not being able to be by her side. I remember having the chaplain call him and let him know that she did not make it. I remember being confused about how to go about letting Kaden know. I remember it not feeling real, feeling like I was having a horrible nightmare and I couldn't wake up. I remember all those things like it was yesterday, but I can't remember how she felt in my arms, the important things like that.

Today, I still feel like I was dreaming, but that everything was a dream. Ava was a dream. I miss her so much and I wish that she didn't feel so far away from us. I know that I will continue to carry her in my heart, but it is not the same as if she were in my arms. How I wish I could hold her again, see her again. I look at her pictures over and over, but it is not the same.

I love you baby girl. Mommy, daddy and bubby miss you so much. You will forever be a part of us.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree...

You almost drove me crazy.

Today I decided to put up the tree. A few years ago I bought a pre-lit tree, the best thing next to slice bread, well so I thought until I put it up today. I plugged it in and 2/3 of the lights did not work. So Nate went through to look at each bulb and see if any looked burnt out (thanks babe). Poor guy had to look through the lights while still on the tree since we couldn't take them off. What a task, however one that was not a success. I decided to do the easy thing and go to the store to buy a couple strands of lights and just put them up on the tree for now. I get home plug the first set in, didn't work, second set, didn't work either. You have got to be kidding me!!! I was so frustrated at this point I wanted to through everything out of the window. My grandma had extra strands of lights and let me use a couple. SOOOO, after 4 hours we have a decorated tree with working lights.

So long Gray, you will be missed...

Well, kind of. Today was the day we had to give "Gray" back. For those of you who may not know, Gray is a device Kaden used to communicate...aka a Lightwriter. We had a group of people here today interested to see what else there was out there that might better benefit Mr. Kaden. We also had a rep from the company Dynavox and a person who works at the "loaning" company from which we are borrowing these items. They both brought some goodies, which Kaden called "Gray's family,"...no lie. He is so stinken smart and creative (this is the kid who named a one eye cat stuffed animal "One Eye Elephant". We are borrowing/checking out, however you want to look at it, something similar to the lightwriter. It is a little bigger but does basically the same thing.

I am so glad that we decided to look before we bought. I know exactly what I want Kaden to have. It is AWESOME. I don't know what it is called right now, and I am too lazy to get up to look. But anyway, it is a touch screen (I know that is a very technical name), and has different "pages" he can go into, touch button after button (these buttons have pictures and words on them) and make a sentence. For instance, he could push 5 different buttons to create "I want to eat candy," instead of typing it all out. It also has a keyboard so he could type out something if he wanted to (saying that he is really about that right now). It is a small device for all that it can do. It is a computer and you can actually go onto the Internet with it. Ok...this is kind of gross but it also has a button with a guy on it and air coming from his butt. The word on it...Fart. I know, I know. But what four year old boy doesn't say fart. So Kaden pushed that button and it sounded like, well a fart. It got everyone laughing so he kept doing it. Nate finally had to pull it away or one of us would have peed our pants. This thing does so much and would grow with Kaden. It has programs for really young ones (the reason for the fart button, I guess), then goes to young ones, teenagers, and then adults. I really want to get this one for him but we won't even be able to test it out until January. Of course it cost a little more then the lightwriter, but it would be so worth it. I can't wait until he can try it out. I will find out what it is called and let you all know so you can go on the website and know exactly what I am talking about. It really is amazing what technology can bring to someone's life.

I think I will stop here for now, as I am sure this post is really confusing...I don't think I will even proof read it (again...lazy).

Oh, one more thing. Kaden was so excited to see these new devices he didn't care that gray was leaving. He kept signing "thank you" to the two ladies who brought the equipment in. Now that gray is gone however, he doesn't want this new device, he wants his gray back. Poor guy, but I think he will get use to it.

What a day...

So, today started off like any normal day would. However, it soon changed. I had one of my younger client's this afternoon. We decided that we were going to paint, so I got out the supplies and began to squeeze paint from tubes/bottles into a "paint tray." Things didn't turn out so well. I started squeezing red paint, yes RED paint onto the tray, oh I want to add this is not WASHABLE paint. Next thing I know the stupid things top popped off (a top that is NOT suppose to pop off) and I had red paint ALL OVER ME. I was wearing my favorite maternity sweater and one of the few pairs of jeans that fit me that I actually like. Oh and my shoes, my poor shoes. Lets just put it this way...my new favorite outfit quickly turned into my red spotted outfit. I did have a shirt on under my sweater, so I took my sweater off and tried to wash it out in the bathroom sink. It didn't work too well so I sent it to my mom's so I could continue working in hopes that she can work some magic. I was SO frustrated that I was trying hard not to cry (something that comes pretty natural when I am frustrated).

Once I got home it got better...of course, Kaden lives here. Nate and I decided to play hide and seek with Kaden. I believe this is his first true game of it. He had a ball and kept signing "more." I had to finally explain to him that it was bedtime and that we could play more tomorrow. He was so funny, he definitely couldn't stay quiet in his hiding spot. At one point Nate hid him in his "babies" (aka stuffed animals) toy box (yes he has three toy boxes). I saw him swinging his arms and looked in another one of his toy boxes saying aloud "Kaden are you in the toy box?" He signed "baby", like "no mom, I am in the baby box." It was pretty cute, but probably something you had to be here for.

So tomorrow we will be saying bye-bye to "gray." This is Kaden's lightwriter, yes HE has a name and gender : ). To let everyone know, because we have gotten some questions about it, we have decided to look at more options to be sure there isn't anything that would better benefit Kaden before we decided to purchase something. He is going to be sad though. I tried explaining to him that a "girl" is coming to our house to get "gray" but that she will leave him something else to see if he likes that instead. I told him that we will end up buying him what works. He started shaking his head "no" and signing "girl" over and over. I felt horrible. I again explained it to him tonight and he had a look of concern on his face. I am worried about tomorrow, but hope that we see something that may work even better that he will be happy to use.

My Handsome Guy...

Here is Kaden's school picture. I am really happy with how it turned out. He is such a handsome little man, if I do say so myself. Mommy, Daddy and angel Ava love you big guy. Keep up all the hard work. You are becoming such a big boy!!!

New class, new friends...

Kaden started his first offical day of pre-k classes. He did well, although he DID NOT want to get up this morning. It made me laugh, I was trying to wake him up and he just kept shaking his "no" with his eyes still closed. What a grown up little man I have, just like most boys who do not want to wake up to go to school. Once we got there he was a little quiet for Kaden but I heard he got into the groove of things pretty fast. Many of his new friends had drawn him pictures on their free time. One little girl even went to the lengths of drawing a picture and folding it, putting it in an envelope and sticking it in his bookbag for him to find when he got home. Ooooh, Kaden's got a girlfriend (already)!!! I guess it is alright, since this year he hasn't really had a focus on one girl, not like last year!!! He fit right in and I think everyone (teachers that is)seem more comfortable with things. I am so proud of him. It is amazing to think that he just keeps getting older and older, kind of sad too. I did make it out of there this morning without crying, however, I was holding back the tears hardcore. He was very happy to see Nate and I when we picked him up and very eager to show us how he marched in class today...to cute, really!!!! My baby is growing up and won't slow down.

Babies and Boo-boos

My cousin, her husband and their twin baby girls came down to visit. I was excited to see how Kaden would react to two babies. He seemed a little in awe at first, but for the rest of the day didn't seem to think twice about it. However, lately he has become mommy's little helper and today was no exception. I was trying to help my cousin out and change one of the girls' diaper as the other one was fussing because she was hungry. Kaden came to the rescue : ). He gave mommy a diaper and the wipes and then signed "mommy, help?" Of course I let him, I have to get him prepared for Brody, ok, I am totally kidding, but I did let him help. He opened the diaper for me as I lifted her legs and I told him to put it under her. He did, it just ended up upside down, so I fixed it a little. He wanted to use the baby wipe on her, so I let him. He then fastened her diaper, again with mommy's help and then helped me dress her. It was very cute and heartwarming to watch him be such a great big helper. He did such a great job. I again swelled up with pride. What's not to be proud of??? I have a the best little guy in my life.

Well, here comes the boo-boo part. Today I bought Kaden a potty seat that goes on top of the regular toilet (his bottom is getting a little too big for his own potty, and that is not saying much, because this little guy does not have a butt). I put him on the toilet (which he has done many times at grandpa and grandma's house) and told him to sit there while I had to run into the kitchen real quick. Before I know it I hear a "boom" and I ask Kaden what he is doing as I am walking back to the bathroom. I then hear him cry. I walked in and he is on the floor crying his eyes out, his pants stuck inbetween the toilet seat and the toilet itself. I sit on the floor with him trying to comfort him (remember, I can't pick him up although I really wanted to). I noticed a big red mark from his hairline to his eyebrow. I asked him where he hurts and he pointed to that area (duh mom). I asked him what happened but he either couldn't tell me or didn't feel up to it. Poor guy...I thought I ruined the big potty...but he did ask to use the potty tonight although we put him on his little potty chair. I guess I will have to get a chair to put in the bathroom and sit in there with him from now on. I felt absolutely HORRIBLE.

Sono pictures

Here are pictures of Mr. Brody. In the second picture, if you look closely you can see his smile (or cry). Can babies cry at this point??? Just curious if any of you know.

Busy Day...

Today I had my appt. It went very well. Everything still looks great with Brody!!! He did however, change positions from being head down to being sideways. I did get some pretty good 3-D pictures, but will post them tomorrow. There is one where we thought he looked like he was smiling. The picture didn't turn out as well with that one, but if you look closely you will see it. Like I thought, he is going to be a big boy. Right now he is measuring about 2 1/2 weeks bigger then a baby at his gestation (does that make sense???). It was really good to be reassured that everything still looks great!!!

When we got back, we went to pick Kaden up from school. There was a meeting today about Kaden going into pre-k (I know, I know, but there have been some difficulties and he hasn't started yet). So he is now going to start this Monday. I am nervous for him. I don't know how to explain my feelings about this whole situation, as it has been very draining emotionally. I know that sounds dramatic, but it just goes back to wanting everyone to realize that Kaden is a typical 4 year old boy. I am glad that his early childhood teacher was able to advocate for him as well. We will miss her and the paras so much. When starting this whole school thing, I was really nervous for Kaden, not because he was going to be in school, but for how he would feel about it. The teacher and paras made me feel like Kaden was welcomed, just like any other child in that school. I actually felt like he was (and is) really loved in that class. This transition has made me feel differently then when he started the early childhood program. It really makes me nervous because this program is in the same school as the early childhood program. How will getting him in to Kindergarten next be??? I know that it is a new experience for those involved, but geez. I don't want to get too into it because I could go on and on forever. I just hope that once Kaden starts everyone will realize that it is not as big of deal as it has been made out to be. I try to understand their concerns, but at times I just want to scream "IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!!!" Part of the concern is safety (which I understand), but that is why the nurse goes to school with him. I can't wait for Kaden to show them all that he can do. I am so proud of Kaden and all that he has become (and I know that I am not the only one). Thinking about how far he has come brings tears to my eyes. He is amazing, nothing can bring him down. I hope that he carries that with him throughout his life. Nate and I are so lucky to have this little guy in our lives...he is such an inspiration. I know that he will continue to touch lives with all the steps he takes as he grows.

Kaden,
First of all, mommy and daddy love you so much. We are so lucky to have been blessed with such a caring, motivated, happy, beautiful child such as yourself. I hope you feel how proud we are of you and that you feel the same about yourself. You are ABSOLUTELY amazing. You touch the lives of everyone who gets to know you. I hope you never feel frustrated or intimidated by those who can not seem to open their minds to new things, as you (just like anyone else) will probably run into these people along your path. When you come across these people, continue to shine...it might get them to open their eyes a little more and hopefully their minds and hearts as well.

You have this amazing ability to put a smile on my face, even on my bad days. The love I feel for you goes beyond words. My heart is flooded with so many great emotions for you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for bringing me a love that I have never experienced in my life. Thank you for all the lessons you have taught to daddy and me. Thank you for your wonderful hugs and kisses. And thank you for bringing joy to my life. I love you big boy, and will for the rest of eternity.

Love always and forever,
Amy

Sorry Kaden...

Mommy is done picking up Kaden until after Brody is born. I feel horrible about it, but it was confirmed yesterday by my doctor that I do have an umbilical hernia. GO FIGURE!!! I really think it was from picking up my big boy. One day I was picking him up to put him in his booster seat and I got a horrible pain near my belly button. I think I even told who was ever with me at the time, that I think I just gave myself a hernia, joking around. Well, for a couple of days I had really sharp random pains near it. I ended up calling my doctor's nurse who believed it was just pains from pregnancy. Well, a few days later I noticed a semi-large lump next to my belly button. Nate seemed about as grossed out as if I were showing him guts coming out of my nose or something. I started wondering what it could be and decided that it was probably a hernia. It is painful, not a sharp pain, but an annoying pain that won't go away. When the doctor was checking it out, I thought I was going to pass out...it hurt so bad, but he did say that it was a hernia. There is nothing we really can do for it now as long as it doesn't pose any danger, since I am pregnant. I just pray that it doesn't do anything that will end up with me needing surgery right now. That is the last thing I need.

So, that leads me to my story today. I don't know what was going on with Kaden, but he was not my happy, go lucky Kaden today. I came home from work to bring him to school. He did not want to go to school, and had a major melt-down (for Kaden).
After making our way outside to the car, he started crying and went limp, then sat on the ground (I think it is because he wanted mommy to pick him up and carry him to the car and I wouldn't). I finally picked him up (yeah, I know, I already heard it from Nate) to put him in his booster seat. He was quiet and looked so sad all the way to school, it broke my heart. Well, we get to school, I get him out of the car and he does it again. He kept shaking his head "no" and signing "school" although he couldn't tell me why. We get into the classroom and he doesn't want to sit at the table, but instead turns into me puts his head on my shoulder and crys. As I talked to him, he kept signing that he wanted to go home with me, or that he wanted me to stay with him at school. It was so hard for me when I left...I had to fight back the tears. I have no idea what brought this on, as this is not my Kaden at all. His nurse and I were talking about it and were wondering if he feels heartbroken that I won't carry him around (as he gets into those moods). I have explained to him that mommy has an owie on her belly and I can not pick him up anymore. However, I do not think that helped at all, especially after going through what we did today. I try to make him think positive by explaining to him that he gets to be a big boy, well, today during his meltdown I asked him "Kaden, don't you want to be a big boy." He shook his head "no." Poor guy. I guess I'll have some making up to do after Brody is born.

Tomorrow I go to the specialist one last time just to make sure that everything is still going well. I am excited that I get to see Brody again. I am very curious as to how big he is right now. I think he is going to be a big baby boy like his brother was. I will let you know tomorrow. If I get more sono pictures I will be posting them!!!

That Darn Old Flu Shot...

Today we took Kaden to get his flu shot. I have heard lots of stories that you should tell you children why they are going to see the doctor. I don't know yet how much I agree with it, as it seems to put the fear in them. BUT...today we let him know that he was going to get one shot and that it will probably hurt but only for a little bit. He kind of gave us that look like "um, ok I guess, what else do you want me to say." When we got to the hospital Nate dropped us off at the door and went to park the car. The nurse and I were holding Kaden's hands. For a moment we almost had to drag him into the hospital and he was protesting the whole way, telling everyone off that he spotted. He stopped and then signed "grumpy." I asked him if he was grumpy because he was going to get a shot and he signed "yes." I almost wanted to take him back to the car and go home. I explained to him that the shot is to help him from getting really sick and that we all had to get one. So anyway, we get to the office, which was packed by the way, and there was a little girl in there whose mother must have "warned" her as well because she was having a fit. I even heard her tell her mom that she didn't love her anymore (Kaden did say that he still loves me!!!). Well, Kaden pointed to her and signed "grumpy." Yep bubby she is grumpy too. He did fine until we had to go into the room. He even did pretty good getting the shot. I could tell that he was trying so hard not to cry, but he jerked back and bumped his head. So I think that in combination with the shot, brought on the waterworks (don't forget the band-aid, he hates those things).

Tonight, before Kaden was going to bed we were reading "Love You Forever." There is a part in the story that says the mother was "very old, and sick." He then pointed to himself and his leg where he got the shot. (remember, earlier in the day I explained to him that the shot is to keep him from getting really sick.) I asked him if he was sick and he signed "yes." There I go, confusing my little guy. I had to tell him that he is not sick, that he got the shot so he wouldn't get sick (knock on wood). It is funny how things get turned around. Well, then before putting on his pjs I asked him if I could take his band-aid off. Wrong thing to ask. He shook his head "no" very hard and started crying, worst then when he got the shot. Man, I am a mean mommy. I didn't take it off and had to convience him that I was NOT going to take it off in order to put on his pjs. Even after the pjs were on he cried, until I reassured him that he gets to go to sleep now and that the band-aid was staying on.

5 Minutes For Mom...

As many of you know, Kaden won a new bedroom set. It all started with 5 Minutes For Mom. Well, they are at it again...giving away gifts for the holidays. If you are interested in winning gifts for yourself or your children go to the link and check it out. They have also started a new program called "under the tree." Here, you can nominate a family you feel is in need of help this Christmas. It is such a wonderful way to spread the cheer during this season. Please check it out, especially if you know a family that might need help. I will be trying to add buttons that will take you straight to the posts later. At this time I can not figure it out. In the meantime, just click on the link above.

On another note I was very close to putting up the Christmas tree today. I normally put it up a little on the early side, but never this early. I was a little bored and asked Kaden if he wanted to put up the tree. He signed "yes" but I ended up deciding to wait a little longer.. I don't want others to think that I am crazy. I love this time of year and it keeps getting better as Kaden keeps getting older. His understanding of Santa and how great it is to open gifts is so much fun to watch.

However, this year will be more bitter/sweet. I love seeing the excitement in Kaden when he talks about Santa, but at the same time I realize that we will not have Ava here to share in that excitement. It is getting more and more difficult to accept that she is not here during these holidays. I didn't get to dress her up for her first Halloween. She will not be tasting her first Thanksgiving dinner with us (or making a mess with it), she won't be sitting with us around the tree her first Christmas morning...and she will not have the chance to dig into her cake on her first birthday. It is hard to realize how much we have missed already with her. With that being said...I am thankful that I got to hold her that first time (and every single time after that), give her her first kiss. Give her her first bath, change that first diaper. See her first smile, paint her toenails for the first time, hear her cry for the first time, see her suck on her fingers for the first time, making Kaden a big brother for the first time. I know that although she was here for a very short time (97 days), she made a big impact on my life by letting me experience all of those firsts' with her. It might be selfish, I just wish that we could have experienced a WHOLE LOT more with her.

Mommy, daddy, and bubby love you baby girl and miss you every day. Sweet dreams angel love.

Love you always and forever.

Mommy holding Ava for the first time...




Kaden's first Christmas at home...



Doesn't he look so little.

Halloween Pictures

Mommy and daddy posing with our Mickey Mouse. (Halloween night)


Daddy walking with Kaden after getting more candy. (Halloween night)


Kaden enjoying a laffy taffy. (Boo in the Zoo)


Kaden at his Halloween party. (At school)


Kaden trying on cousin Miles' Hulk mask. (Boo in the Zoo)


Aunt Melanie and The Hulk (aka Miles). (Boo in the Zoo)


Daddy trying to convience Kaden that the clown they see is a good clown. Kaden wasn't too sure about him. The clown had to disapear to get Kaden to keep walking. He must not have been as cute as daddy when daddy was wearing a clown mask not too long ago!!! (Boo in the zoo)