Monday, September 29, 2008

Pictures Galore...

These are pictures from the weekend. The one with Kaden and my nephew in strollers was taken at the mall. Kaden grabbed Miles' hand and then when I wanted to take a picture, he wasn't to thrilled about capturing it on camera : ). The rest are from the Boeckman family celebrating Nate's dad's birthday. We went out to eat and then went bowling (another first for Kaden). He really enjoyed it. I posted a picture of him sitting in a chair with his arms up in the air...that was his reaction to me telling him it was his turn. We had a lot of fun. Needless to say...I suck at bowling. I use to go a lot when I was younger, and I actually got better scores then, then what I got Sunday. Talk about frustrating : ).

On another note...I have been pretty emotional lately (no thanks to the hormones). First of all, the other night I was looking for something on the blog and had to go back to posts around the time Ava passed away. I watched some of the videos I posted and it really made everything "real" again. I don't know how to explain it. I go day to day knowing that Ava is gone, and think about her all of the time, but the thought of her doesn't bring me down. I guess I try to focus on all the good, all the love, all of her cuteness. Then when I watched the videos and read the posts and even some of the comments it brought the reality of everything home again (which, by the way I never found what I was looking for). I went to bed crying that night and have been emotional since. I miss her so much and I guess watching those videos brought her back to life although I was not able to reach out and touch her, hold her or kiss her. What I would have given to reach through the computer and hold her. It is so frustrating to go days feeling good, thinking good thoughts and then boom...that one day throws everything off. So then the list goes on and on.

The highlight of my days, Kaden, is doing well. He is getting bigger and smarter every day. We haven't been pushing the potty training. We actually stopped all together for awhile and out of the blue one day at school he asked to use the potty and peed!!! Since then I would say he has asked every day and has used it at least once a day on his own free will. Baby steps!!! After MANY, MANY, MANY attempts to find a Halloween costume he has finally decided on Mickey Mouse (he has found a new interest in Mickey). Although after I ordered it he changed his mind once again, but I told him it was set in stone, he has to be Mickey. He didn't seem to sad over it. I am excited to see the costume on him as well as his reaction when he sees himself in the mirror.

Next weekend, we are taking a mini get away to Branson. We are excited to take Kaden on his first "vacation." I think he will have a blast.


My Three Sons said...

Oh here we go, posting on each other's blogs late at night. I was just getting ready to send the search party out for you. I haven't heard from you since you were downloading all of your pictures. I did laugh pretty loud when I saw your comment. I guess I'd better tone my blog down a bit. LOL

The pictures of Kaden are great. So did he get a higher score than you? :-) He looked like he had a ball. My boys actually went bowling last Friday with their dad. They always love to go. I went a couple years ago and I was pregnant with Carson and my bowling was terrible. I just blamed it on adjusting to the big belly. I'm sure that was all for you as well.

It is okay to be sad. Ava is real. She will always be real, just not tangible. Just remember, God took her and gave her wings, but he can never take away your wonderful memories. Your going to be alright. I know it. You are such a strong person who has every right to breakdown and grieve. You will only be stronger by that.

How is prego life going? Anymore appointments coming up? I know you must be getting so excited.

Okay, I know this is getting long so I will end by saying that we love you for who you are. Next time you start feeling down, just e-mail me. I will get you back on track.

Take care,


My Three Sons said...

Okay, well I'm going to bed too. I hope your tears were happy tears.

Really, I just wanted to post again so I could have the last word. :-)

Goodnight and give your babies a kiss from me.

mumof2boys said...

What a sweet little boy you have there. He sounds like he's doing so well, that's wonderful.

I can't imagine how you feel after losing Ava. It's so nice that you have videos to watch of her, but at the same time, hard that it upsets you.

You have a gorgeous family.

The Bryant Family said...

Hang in there girly. Ava was a part of you a part of your family, a part of your is OK to remember her and miss her. I know it has to be hard, I cannot even imagine. Just know you are loved and so is Ava, she is in the very best hands. :)
Kaden and the bowling party looked FUN! He looks like he really enjoyed it.
I hope you are feeling well. I dont remember, you found out it was a boy right. Did you pick a name yet?

Caden said...

Kaden's going to make such a cute Mickey! I need to get crackin on a costume for Caden. Ugh.

How fun going bowling. He looked like he had a great time! You guys will have a good time getting out of the house for a weekend. Anything longer than a weekend, and I'm ready to go home. Ha! Getting old, I guess. :)

We'll be thinking about you tomorrow for the level 2.


Rachel said...

Amy~ you have the right to be sad anytime you want! I am so sure it is so unpredictable. I can not even fathom what you must go thru and I too would want to reach into the computer and hold her. I'm not even her Mommy and I still miss her every day! You're being so strong for Kaden and that is what he needs, but it's ok to break down here and there. THat's your right as a grieving parent!

I think of you all the time! I pray for you every night!

Keep being strong and know that there are so many of us out here that love you guys!

PS...hope the pregnancy is going good.


Kyle, Aimee and Ava said...

I'm sure you did great at bowling. I used to love to go bowling especially "cosmic bowling" but haven't been in years. Looks like you all had fun!

Kaden will make such a cute Mickey Mouse. I'm going to dress Ava as a bumble bee this year.

Also, it's ok to be sad about Ava. She was and still is a very big part of your life! Kaci said it best "God took her and gave her wings, but he can't take away your memories".

Hope things are going good with the pregancy. So, when is your due date?

Anonymous said...

It was a blast this weekend and was wonderful seeing how much fun all the kids had. The pic with Kaden trying to chin grandpa's cake is precious, that was funny.

I sent you some pics from Kaden's birthday party that we took I hope that you got them.

Sweetie don't fret about breaking down over watching Ava's videos, because that just shows you how much she was loved by all. Heck I still cry when I watch them also. She is so missed but I try and tell myself that God decided he needed her to have wings and to watch over all of us. I think she was watching over Megan when she had her car wreck and I thank Ava for that because she could have seriously been hurt. Thank you "Angel Ava" you are so precious to us all God Bless you and we will always remember you.

Angel Gabi's Mommy said...

I love the pics of Kaden grabbing Miles' hand...he looks so cute with his little leg on his knee...too cute! You can see the frustration of, oh mom come on no more pics:)

I have been thinking about you so much lately! I was digging through some of my Gabi pics today for this months DS Awareness stuff I am doing on my blog. It brought tears to my eyes. It seems so long ago I touched her and got to love on her. It is simply not fair we must go through this life without our precious girls. We were blessed with other little ones to care for so as mothers we will and do find the strngth to continue, but our hearts will never be whole again.
I was also wondering if you and Nate are going to the Memorial Sevice for CMH this weekend. Email me and let me know. I was hoping we'd see you guys!
Sending lots of love your way!

Isabella said...

So Cute!! Looks Like Kaden had a great time bowling.