Wednesday, May 6, 2009

One Year...

So one year has come and gone. This has been the fastest, yet the longest year of my life. So much has happened. First, we lost our baby girl (May 7, 2008). About a month later, I found out that I was pregnant. We had our baby boy, and now we are here again, with tomorrow marking the one year "anniversary" of loosing Ava Rae. I hate to call it anniversary. When I think of the word "anniversary", I think of a joyous occassion...like a wedding anniversary. I can tell you that May 7th was not a joyous occassion for me.

As I sit here typing this in tears, my heart is breaking. I know that I am blessed with my two boys, any mommy would be lucky to have the two of them. However, a piece of me is missing...my little girl. Ava would be a little over 15 months old today. I wonder what she would look like, what kind of personality she would have, what she would be getting into. I think about the future. I wonder how many boys daddy would have had to run off, what she would look like in a wedding gown, seeing her daddy walk her down the aisle, seeing her grow as a person.

I can not type much today, for many reasons. But as always, Ava baby, you are in my heart and on my mind. Our lives are forever changed because of you. You are a gift that was easily accepted from God, a gift that I would never return. I wish your time here with us was longer, a lot longer, but I am happy that I got the time that I did with you. I know that you watch over us, I feel it. My heart just aches for you, it always will I am sure. What I would give to hold you again, to hear you again, to kiss you again. You are my angel. My love for you goes deeper then words. Mommy, daddy, and bubby miss you. Brody is learning all about you already. He stares at your pictures on the wall all of the time. I think he too is in awe of your beauty. Again, we love you baby girl...forever and ever.

Love,
mommy

11 comments:

Gabriela said...

Denke an euch!
Gabriela

Mia hat eins mehr! said...

You are all in my thoughts and my prayers today...I hope that your schedule today helps you to get through the day as well as you may find some time to rest. Today, which is the 7th here in Germany already as I write this, I light up a candle that only burns for the precious angel Ava Rae. May you be carried with little signs and beautiful memories today.

Claudia

Isabella said...

Sending soooo many thoughts and prayers your way today.
Love
Megan

Angie said...

It was a year ago that I saw the obituary in the paper and began following your story...and my daughter was a week old. I was a mess and will forever be changed for Miss Ava! She is always on my mind and in my heart. I hope you can find some peace today, I will have you in my thoughts today!

Angie

Aimee said...

You will be in my thoughts and prayers today. I truely believe that little Ava is smiling down on you from heaven! Loves...

Rachel said...

You are in my thought and prayers today.

Anonymous said...

You are all in my thoughts today and as I read your post I start to tear up and wish she was with us. I know she is watching over all of us and sending her love down to us so that we do not hurt and take the pain and sorrow we have in our hearts. She knows that she was loved more than anything and will always be loved. Baby girl we miss you and love you always.
Aunt Pamela

BiLlY, sAm, AnD bOyS!!! said...

thinking of you!

The Butcher Family said...

Thinking of you, friend...on this day...a day no mother should ever have to face. It's not fair or right or normal or even close to being okay but we can have HOPE in our eternal futures with our girls! I am praying for peace for you...

Angel hugs~ Rebecca

Angel Gabi's Mommy said...

Thinking of you today and always! We miss your precious angel, just as we miss ours. But I'd like to think they get to laugh and play everyday together!

Love and prayers,
Micah

WE MISS YOU PRECIOUS AVA, you will NEVER be forgotten!

Amanda-The Family News! said...

Thinking of you and sweet Ava.
You are in my thoughts and prayers...

Amanda