One Year...

So one year has come and gone. This has been the fastest, yet the longest year of my life. So much has happened. First, we lost our baby girl (May 7, 2008). About a month later, I found out that I was pregnant. We had our baby boy, and now we are here again, with tomorrow marking the one year "anniversary" of loosing Ava Rae. I hate to call it anniversary. When I think of the word "anniversary", I think of a joyous occassion...like a wedding anniversary. I can tell you that May 7th was not a joyous occassion for me.

As I sit here typing this in tears, my heart is breaking. I know that I am blessed with my two boys, any mommy would be lucky to have the two of them. However, a piece of me is missing...my little girl. Ava would be a little over 15 months old today. I wonder what she would look like, what kind of personality she would have, what she would be getting into. I think about the future. I wonder how many boys daddy would have had to run off, what she would look like in a wedding gown, seeing her daddy walk her down the aisle, seeing her grow as a person.

I can not type much today, for many reasons. But as always, Ava baby, you are in my heart and on my mind. Our lives are forever changed because of you. You are a gift that was easily accepted from God, a gift that I would never return. I wish your time here with us was longer, a lot longer, but I am happy that I got the time that I did with you. I know that you watch over us, I feel it. My heart just aches for you, it always will I am sure. What I would give to hold you again, to hear you again, to kiss you again. You are my angel. My love for you goes deeper then words. Mommy, daddy, and bubby miss you. Brody is learning all about you already. He stares at your pictures on the wall all of the time. I think he too is in awe of your beauty. Again, we love you baby girl...forever and ever.

Love,
mommy