So yes, I have finally posted more pictures. I am getting horrible about it because I really need to copy my memory card on a CD (it's getting really full, which in turn takes forever to download on to the computer). Anyway, as you can see both of my boys are getting big. Kaden is getting better and better at being a big brother. Brody just loves Kaden. When he sees Kaden, he just stares at him, he is really fascinated with Kaden (who wouldn't be, he's the coolest kid EVER : )).
The house is coming along. It won't be long until we can move in. I am getting very excited. I just can not wait for them to get all of the sheet rock up so I can paint (probably about the only thing I can actually help with and not screw up!!!). I also accepted a new job this last week. I actually wasn't looking for one, but it came at good timing. I was just getting burnt out at my old job. I will be a toddler teacher at a daycare. I actually can bring Brody there, but as of this time he is on the waiting list. The only "problem" is the pay decrease. I am definitely going to have to learn to be a little more frugal.
This last week I spoke with the elementary school principal where Kaden will be attending. I am very excited about it and very optimistic. She seemed very accomodating and excited to have Kaden there (as we all know it shouldn't be any different!). Well, tonight the school had a carnival (inside of course) and we took Kaden. He had a good time, but seemed more interested in checking out the classrooms then playing the games. They had one room set up as a dance room. The high school's dance team was there teaching kids how to do the electric slide. At the time, Kaden was the only kid in there and he had about 5 high school girls to himself. They were really good with him and as you have probably seen in previous posts he loved the dancing. He may not of danced the electric slide, but he did show his moves...and man can he move :). We had a good time.
Well, that is about all that has been going on. I hope everyone who got snow (like us) is keeping safe.
Today I heard a song that makes me think of Ava. My friend told me about this song but I had never heard it, well until today when it came on the radio on my way to pick up Kaden from school. It definitely got the tears going. I downloaded it onto the blog. Scroll down to the bottom of this page and you will see a purple box with different songs on it. Click on "Sissy's Song" by Alan Jackson (#9). Listening to this song makes me sad and happy at the same time. It is hard to explain, but my heart feels "warm" listening to it. It is like he is singing this song about Ava, as if he knew her. We miss you baby girl.
I started back to work yesterday. It was a long day. I could not wait to get home. At least the week seems to be going by pretty quickly. I was suppose to start Monday but we had to take Kaden to Children's Mercy. His mickey button (g-tube site) is horrible. He has group A strep, but the granuloma (spelling???) tissue is raw and bleeds all of the time. It will probably have to be surgically removed. Poor guy.
As of Brody, well he continues to grow...like a weed. My little 6 week old is in 6-9 month clothing. Today when I came home from work, I was just in awe looking at him laying on the couch. He is so long. He doesn't look like a 6 week old at all. Kaden is doing really well with him. He is pretty helpful, I think his favorite thing is to help mommy burp Brody but he also helps carry his carseat and feed him. He is in to giving him kisses, but most of the time it takes us to ask him to kiss Brody. So he does, without hesitation. What a great big brother Kaden makes : ).
Well, I hope you took time to listen to this song. I know when I hear it I will think of my Ava.
Happy St. Patty's Day. We all were safe today and escaped any pinches by wearing our green. I actually put a new outfit on Brody, the size...6-12 months and it actually fit.
Well, today Kaden and I took a trip to the hospital to visit his pediatrican. I have noticed since Sunday that his g-tube site is looking really bad. It really hasn't looked great for a long time now, but lately it has been leaking and bleeding a lot. Then Sunday it looked a little swollen and then red. Last night he said it hurt and I asked him if he needs to go to the doctor. He said yes. For Kaden to say yes, it's got to hurt pretty bad (either that or he has realized that he gets stickers when he goes). The doctor thinks it might be some type of infection, but the culture takes about 48 hours for results so she has started him on antibiotics just in case.
It was a beautiful day today, over 80 degrees. When we got home I got his truck out and he drove it for a little while. I almost put the fear in him to the point that he was done at first. I didn't realize it was on the fast setting and he took off, forgetting from the last time he drove how to stop. He finally stopped and was very upset. After me talking him into continuing (it took me a while to get the darn thing out of the yard, and caused me to sweat, we were going to be out there more then two minutes darn it), he realized "oh yeah, it's not so bad" and wanted to drive to grandpa's. Instead we drove down the block and back and he was ready to go in.
I am amazed by Kaden every day. He is such a joy to be around and has the greatest personality. I know that Brody is intrigued by him. He sees Kaden and just stares and reaches out towards him at times. Kaden enjoys being a big brother (I think), well, most of the time. Last night he told me that he (Kaden) is happy and that Brody is sad because he cries (Brody was sleeping at the time). Then tonight while we were praying Kaden signed "thank you for my toys, thank you for baby's toys, thank you for mommy, thank you for daddy, thank you for grandma, thank you for grandpa, thank you for nana" then makes sure we mention Brody. It's very cute.
Not much else is really going on right now. I did take Brody to the doctor last week for his 4 week check up. He weighed 12 lbs 7 oz and is 25 1/4 inch long. He is such a sweet baby and does very well sleeping at night. We don't go to bed until after midnight most nights but he doesn't get up until around 5 am most mornings for his feeding. I know many think that they should eat every 3 hours and that I should be waking him up at night, but I agree with those who say "never wake a sleeping baby : )" besides I talked to his pediatrican about it and he says it's alright!
The title says it all. I miss Ava. I know it's expected, but some days are worse then others, or rather month. I think about Ava all of the time, but I go through these spurts of remembering the sad moments. Lately, I haven't been able to get the day that she passed away out of my head, I pretty much live it over and over again, step by step. It amazes me how I can remember EVERYTHING that happened that day, but I can not remember how Ava felt in my arms, I can not remember what she smelled like, I can not remember all of the good things. But the memories from May 7th felt like it was only yesterday, however it feels like she was here so long ago. That was the worst experience, and nobody should ever have to go through anything like it. I know that I should be happy that Ava is not experiencing pain, and I am, but I wish it were under other circumstances...for instance that she was healed here on earth. As you have read in our previous post, there is a surgeon in Boston that repairs these hypoplastic left hearts...he makes them whole again. It makes me sad and basically sick to my stomach wondering "what if?". What if we would have known about this? Could we have gone to Boston to get Ava's heart repaired? Would it have worked? Would Ava still be here with us?
I know things happen for a reason. Trust me, I KNOW, we have experienced it one too many times. Maybe it's on my mind because of all the deaths that have been happening around us. In one month, 3 people that I personally know, have passed away. My dad's cousin is laying in a hospital, in a coma fighting for his life.
Many people say that death is nothing to fear, but it is my biggest. I am in fear of dying too young...I am a mommy and I want to be here with my kids forever. I am scared of family members dying. I think of things that can go wrong all to often, I know...definitly not healthy. Is that normal??? I think I am going to end this post before I make myself have nightmares when I get to bed.
Sorry, this ended up way off of where I was going. I just started typing away.
Tucker was born in 2005 with Down Syndrome and a heart defect called Hypo-plastic left heart, the same heart defect that Ava was born with. He has undergone two out of the three heart surgeries required for this heart defect. However, even with all three surgeries, it is not a guarantee for a long life. His parents have found a surgeon in Boston that can repair his heart, giving him a whole heart and a very active, full life. This site has been put into play to help this family get to Boston, to offset cost for travel, room and food while they are there. The surgery is schedule for April 13, 2009. Please visit this site and see all the different raffles you can enter to win and help this family at the same time. Tucker is a beautiful little boy and you can read more about him and his family by clicking the button above but also visiting his mommy's blog site (you can find it on my side bar under The Bryant Family - Tucker. Thank you for helping this family.
Yesterday I talked to a friend from high school about our 10 year reunion. 10 YEARS!!! That is unbelievable to me and definitely puts it into perspective as to exactly how old I am getting. Then tonight I found a picture of Nate and I on another friends facebook page. It almost made me laugh. I am not exactly sure how long ago this picture was taken, but I want to say about 5-6 years ago. Looking at it makes me want to pinch Nate's cheeks : ), he looks so adorable (AWWWW).
I have been trying to think of a new title and really wanted one by the time Brody came into this world. However, as you can see I haven't really come up with anything worth hanging on to. So here is where you come in...I NEED HELP!!! I want all three kids involved. For example one that I thought of is "Two Boys and an Angel" but I wasn't too fond of it and know there is something better. Please give me ANY ideas you may have!!! Thank you (in advance) for your help.
My poor bubby...not feeling well and cuddling with his "babies" also known as stuffed animals still not feeling well but getting comfort from his "babies"
A friend of mine has just lost her mother, Shirley who has been battling cancer for the last couple of years. Shirly is the mother of 19 children (one who went to Heaven very early). They have just recently found out that the cancer was spreading quickly throughout her body. Shirly put up one amazing fight and continued to fight every day. Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers.
Whitney, My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Your mother is a very special lady who is in a wonderful place watching over you. I know that there are no words right now that can ease your pain but just know that I am here if you need ANYTHING, anything at all. I love you.
March 31st is Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Awareness Day. Please wear turquoise this day for Kaden and all of the other's who have been diagnoised with this birth defect.
Jan. 31, 2008 to May 7, 2008 You are in our hearts and will be forever. We love you baby girl and miss you so much.
Our Big Boy
We love you bubby.
While we try to teach our children about life, our children teach us what life is all about. (author unknown)
Special Angel In Heaven
There's a special Angel in Heaven that is a part of me. It is not where I wanted her but where God wanted her to be.
She was here but just a moment like a night time shooting star. And though she is in Heaven she isn't very far.
She touched the heart of many like only an Angel can do. I would've held her every minute if the end I only knew.
So I send this special message to the Heaven up above. Please take care of my Angel and send her all my love. -Author unknown
A WALK TO REMEMBER
I walk to remember the steps you'll never take. I carry you with me as I firmly plant my feet. Our trek started long ago, before my belly swelled. You were a love that grew-like butterfly wings that beat. Your gentle flutters than became kicks upon which I would dwell. And I would talk to you, sweet babe, about the world you soon would meet. The sun always shown upon us then-when you were in my womb. And I was eager to show you the world that would have been your home. How you'd have loved the sun shining-blue skies without a cloud. The autumn leaves turning-the snow falling all around. The flowers in the summer,would have filled your eyes with smiles. And the rain that might have fallen would have caused you great surprise. You would have traveled far with me-holding me by the hand. And I'd have shown you all I could-more than I can imagine. You hold my heart tightly now, as thought we're holding hands. How far we've traveled, little one-and my life with you has been sweet. For I carry you in my heart as I firmly plant my feet.
I have four wonderful, beautiful children. Three are here on earth with us, the other received her wings and is now in Heaven watching over us. I take pride in my children, they are the strongest people I have ever met. I have been blessed to be a part of their lives. I am TRULY grateful that God chose my husband and I to love these children. I have never known a greater love than a mommy's love.
THE CHOSEN ONES I had a dream the other night. It came to me so clear. I stood before the throne of God,afraid to come too near. God said to me, "I hear your prayers. There are answers you can't find. I brought you here to talk to me and help to ease your mind. "I said,"Well, yes, God, I am upset...About my special one. This punishment is awfully harsh...Whatever have I done?" God looked at me and shook his head, He said, "My Dear, you've got it wrong. I sent this special child to you because you are so strong. I searched and searched to try and find someone with a love so rare. Parents so unselfish they could give him that special care. I try to save my special gifts,like those you're speaking of,for a special kind of parents I call the 'Chosen Ones. 'Of all the ones to choose from,I know I've got it done...Parents who deserve my best,an honor you have won." -Unknown