I Am So Lucky...

I have the best job in the world...ok, not really. Today I was doing things to get stuff ready for group that I am now coordinating and ended up having to pick up a little man and hang out with him for awhile. While we were in a company vehicle (thank goodness), I hear "Mrs. Amy" and I turn around. He had thrown up all over himself along with part of the van. I asked him why he didn't tell me that he didn't feel good and he said "I told you I missed my mommy." I should have known : ). I felt so bad for him, but I do not do throw up. As I handed him paper towels to try to get some of it off of him, I was so close to throwing up myself. Driving him home, I almost threw up on the van too. UGH...talk about the most frustrating part...I came back and had to clean up this vomit with some type of vomit clean up kit, which didn't work that well. I spent so much time cleaning up this mess, I think I need a raise!!! I don't know what I am going to do when Brody gets sick. Kaden has a fundo so he can't throw up (which makes me feel horrible for him when he is sick). So that was the "highlight" of my day.

I am so glad I get to come home to Kaden, he always makes everything better, especially on days like today. How could he not...look at him. Now I just hope that we don't get sick.

AHHHHH...

I can not breathe!!! Seriously, this little man is making me so uncomfortable and I still have 7 weeks left. I don't know what I am going to do. Yesterday I couldn't do much because I would do something and then spend forever trying to get air to my lungs. Then I couldn't sleep last night because it felt like I couldn't catch a breath. I actually called my Dr.'s nurse and she probably thought I was crazy. I just wanted to make sure that it was normal because I couldn't remember going through the whole breathing issues with Kaden or Ava. She said with how I am carrying that Brody is probably just pushing up on my diaphragm. Thanks kiddo.

My mom and I were talking last night about how big Brody will probably be. We were comparing my stomach as of now to my stomach with Ava around the same time frame. I am way bigger with Brody then I was with Ava. I will be very surprised if this baby is not as big as Kaden. I don't know what I am going to do the last four weeks when he gains, what...1/2 lb a week. UGH.

Today I had to run to Wal-Mart. The cashier was asking me about my pregnancy and asked if it was my first. I told her no, that I had two others. As we were talking about everything, she then asked "their ages." I told her Kaden's and then hesitated for a second and told her about Ava. She looked very sorry that she asked, but continued by wishing me luck with this pregnancy. I have told myself that I want to include Ava in conversations about my kids, but when it comes time it is so hard because I don't know the reaction I am going to get and I really do not want to feel like I am putting people on the spot, but how else am I going to keep her memory alive???

On another note: I took my Christmas tree down yesterday. I typically leave it up until after New Year's but just felt the need to take it down yesterday. I am glad I got it out of the way!!!

I hope everyone enjoys their New Year's!!!! Have a safe and happy one!!!

Finally some new pictures and videos...

These are, of course, some photos from Christmas. Kaden was really excited about Santa coming to the house and continues to talk about him. One of the videos is of Kaden in the car. We were driving to Nate's hometown and there are some serious hills out there, the type that make your stomach leap out of your body. Kaden loves going down these hills as you can probably tell in the video. The other video is of Kaden enjoying a group singing Christmas music after visiting Santa Claus.

While I am at it, I have a couple of cute stories to share from today. The first one...Kaden was going through some of his new toys and signing who gave them to him...Santa, mommy and daddy, etc. Kaden got a gift from angel Ava. He picked it up and signed "sister" and then looked up to Heaven and signed "thank you." It was way too sweet. Then I was reading him Horton Hears A Who. I read one line that says something like "too small to be seen by an elephant's eyes" but read it as "elephant's eye" and turned the page. Kaden turned the page back and pointed to the "s" in eyes. What a smartie pants!!!

Well, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Now that it took me FOREVER to download these videos I think I am going to go to bed.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

We would like to wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS. Kaden made out, he must have been a REALLY good boy this year!!! He woke up at about 7:15 and seemed excited that Santa came but was a little on the tired side so whined a little when he had to use too much effort to open up his gifts this morning. Once he got to grandpa and grandma's he was more into it. Now I have to figure out where we are going to put everything!!!!

I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful Christmas!!!

Another Prayer Request...

Please keep Carson and Kaci over at My Three Sons in your prayers. Carson has been having difficulty gaining weight due to some feeding issues and they have been trying to keep him from getting admitted into the hospital by sending him home with a NG tube (inserted through the nose down to the stomach for feedings). However, they are having a hard time with Carson pulling it out and when mom tries to put it back in he goes limp. So far this week I think they have been to the ER twice (and it is only Tuesday)...this time hoping that they do not get admitted. It is really hard to be in the hospital with a child on any special occasion, especially Christmas. Please visit their site (on my side bar) and let them know that you are thinking and praying for them during this tough time.

Kaci, if you need anything...call me!!! I hope things get better and they can figure out what is going on with Carson. We are thinking about you and keeping you in our prayers.

Mr. Carson...

I just wanted to ask you all to visit Kayleigh Anne's blog (the button on the side bar). She was born very prematurely and has been in the hospital for a long period of time. She is battling pneumonia, which was very close to taking her life, but with continous prays she seems to be healing. Her mother and father put a button on their site for donations as they are struggling financially while trying to be there for Kayleigh while she is in the hospital. They also have two other children at home.

We have been there and know of the struggles they are going through. I know not everybody can help financial, but even your moral support and prayers will help them. Please read their blog to find out more about this precious little girl and while you are there, leave a comment for the family. Thank you so much.

Giving it another try...

I tried to post last night and after I had finished my post my Internet stopped working. Talk about driving somebody up the wall.

Well, basically I talked about Kaden's trip to see Santa. He did alright, considering that Santa sat right across from the book store in the mall. Kaden did sit on Santa's lap, after I picked him up from the floor and put him there. He signed what he wanted and signed "thank you." Santa's helper asked Kaden to show Santa how to sign "Merry Christmas." Mommy helped Kaden, but he did it as well as showing him how to sign "Santa Claus." Santa seemed to get a kick out of it. We also stopped in an area in the mall where a band was playing Christmas music. Kaden got right in front of the stage and danced his little bootie off. Everyone around looked as though they were enjoying the entertainment provided by the one and only MR. KADEN!!!!

We got about 3 or so inches of snow yesterday. It is very pretty, but is driving me crazy with how messy it makes everything.

Last, I have decided to post a picture of my continous growing bump. I will post other pictures as soon as I get them downloaded on the computer. I have become a little lazy with that part of it all. The only reason I can post these picture is because somebody sent it to me.


Kaden's first visit with Santa this year.

Light Your Candles

Please do not forget to light your candles tomorrow from 7pm to 8pm to remember the life of our precious little Ava and all of the other little angels taken from their families too soon. Thank you.

Ava Rae Boeckman
January 31, 2008 - May 7, 2008












Baby girl,
We miss you every day. Yesterday mommy, daddy and Kaden decorated your grave site for Christmas. I hope you like it. Kaden picked out "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" to read to you. I don't know how much reading he actually did, but he did show you the pictures. We talk about you and think about you all of the time. I bought you your Christmas ornament. I was looking for a beautiful butterfly, but couldn't find one so I got you a barbie ballerina ornament. I thought that you would like it. Kaden thought so as well. He got a grinch ornament. We have many ornaments on our tree for you. I wish that you could be here with us on Christmas morning. As I shop for presents there are a ton of things I pass by wondering if you would like them. I wish that I could take you with us tomorrow when we go visit Santa, and see you on his lap with Kaden. I could picture your face now, looking up at him wondering who the heck he is, in a pretty and girly holiday dress with little bows in your hair.

I know that you are in a good place and that you are not feeling pain which makes me feel selfish wishing you were here instead. I miss you so much. You are always in my thoughts and in my heart. I love you so much. I do feel so lucky to have such a special little angel watching over us and protecting us. You were so beautiful when you were here with us, I couldn't even imagine how much more your beauty has grown since you've gained your wings. I am sure you are absoulutely gorgeous up there in Heaven.

Well, good night baby girl. I love you. Hugs and kisses forever.

Love always and forever,
mommy, daddy, Kaden and baby Brody

It's Been A Long Day...

Today I had my three hour glucose test and it came back...normal!!! It was a pretty boring three hours but it did go by faster then I thought it would. After the second blood test the lab tech said I could leave for 45 minutes and come back for the next blood sample. I went out to my car and it would not start...darn me, I forgot to turn off my lights. Nate's friend came by and jumped it for me...thanks again Ryan. I also got a call from Kaden's medical supply company saying that his medicaid insurance is no longer valid. What great timing since I really had all the time in the world to call around to figure this out. However, I didn't get ahold of the person who could help me. How frustrating!!! So tomorrow I will continue my phone calls until I can get this resolved.

So the good news is, is that I do not have gestational diabetes, oh, and I got a "promotion" at work!!!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

DECEMBER 14th...

I received something in the mail the other day and then read about the same thing in the newspaper yesterday. Compassionate Friends (an organization that provides support for bereaved parents) is sponsoring a world wide candle lighting. This candle lighting is a ceremony to remember children who have passed away. It is held on December 14th (which I believe is on a Sunday) at 7:00pm for each time zone. This is to cause kind of a wave of lighting around the world for 24 hours. Please take part in remembering Ava along with the other beautiful children who have lost their lives.

Another thing that I will make a tradition is the lighting of a candle on special events such as holidays to represent Ava celebrating with us. I hope this will make it easier for our family to remember that although we can not see or touch her that she is still with us.

Remember to light your candle on Dec. 14th 7:00pm to help remember little angels like our precious Ava.

Angel Ava


Angel Gabi


Angel Elli


Angel Brody


Angel Mariah Boeckman

Angel Madison Rice

Angel Jack Eickholt

and the many, many more little angels that families are missing every day.

If you would like, you can send me a picture of your candle and I will try to use the pictures to make something special. Thanks.

*Sorry, I could not figure out how to make the pictures all the same size.

Dr. Appointment

Today Kaden had a doctor appt for his regular vent check. He is doing very well and continues to impress the doctor as well as all the others there who know him. I explained to him this morning that he was going to the hospital and he immediately signed "hurt" and pointed to his leg where he got a previous shot. I told him that I didn't thing that he would get a shot today (which ended up being a lie, well kind of...he had blood drawn). The last 4 hospital visits he has been poked, so I don't blame him for being worried.

Kaden showed off all his new talents that the doctor hasn't seen too much of. He showed her how well he walks now, how he can spell, and his cute personality. He got many, many laughs and "awe's" today, just being his goofy self. The doctor and nurse walked us to our next appt, which was with Pre-admissions testing. When they were leaving Kaden signed "thanks for playing" to them (silly boy). During the pre-admissions we found out that they are going to wait to do the bronch because they do not feel comfortable putting him under after being sick and still having a cough. Then Kaden's doctor came back and took him up to the NICU to visit some staff that had taken care of him while there. It was so fun to see Kaden walking around from office to office and seeing the faces on everyone. That has been one thing Nate and I have always wanted, having Kaden walk into the NICU. I can't explain why, it has just been a little dream of ours for him. He got a little shy when a group of nurses came to see him...although I think it is because he had a crush on one of the nurses and her hair (he has a thing for curly hair, what can I say).

A cute story before I log off. Last night Nate and I were talking to Kaden about his baby brother before going to bed. Nate asked him what he was going to do when his baby brother came. Kaden then signed "baby, cry."

Me: Yes babies cry, what can you do when the baby cries?
Kaden signs: play toys, books, share.
Me: That is so nice that you are going to share your things with Brody.
Kaden signs: eat, diaper, sleep.
Nate and I: Oh so you are going to feed him and change his diaper and then put him to sleep.
Kaden: nods his head yes (which he just started, he typically signs yes, but the nod is soooo much cuter).

Nate and I also explained to him that things will be different then last time and that Brody will get to come home. Kaden signed "home" as if looking for reassurance. I am so excited to see the two of them together. Nate asked him if he was going to hold Brody, and Kaden nodded his head yes. However, the last few babies we have been around, Kaden doesn't seem to keep too much interest in them so we will see.

Oh, one more thing. Since Kaden has been sick, he has had the thickest mucus. Well the last three days now he has coughed up stuff so thick that it gets stuck in his trach and then we have to do an emergency trach change. Today, the third day, it happened on the way home from the hospital. I had no idea that my big pregnant butt could hop in the middle row so fast (let me tell you that was not an easy task) and then reach all the way to the back of the vehicle to grab the bag with the spare trach in it and end up changing it all in less then a minute. Nate was on the highway and couldn't pull over fast enough. I was kind of sore after doing this. I think it was from me hitting my belly on the seat a few times, either that or just being out of shape : ). I wonder what the vehicles next to us were thinking?

Here comes the three hour test..

So today I had my glucose test. I have to go back for the 3 hour test next week. How fun??? I am really nervous because the number was pretty high, and at the time I hadn't eaten for the day. I read about gestational diabetes on the internet just a little bit ago and it has made me very nervous. I don't know why for sure, I know there are many women that get it. I guess, just with everything we have been through with Kaden and Ava and then to put this on Brody as well as myself just scares me. I don't know for sure what to expect, just some of the things I have read bother me. Who knows, maybe it will be nothing when I go back for this lovely testing. I guess I need to change my eating habits anyway. Lately I have been craving sugar and unfortunately I have plenty of it in my house. I really need to say bye to it all, starting today. Man, that means I need to go grocery shopping for something I can munch on besides apples. They may get old really fast. Maybe if I start now, it will help me get back to my girlish figure faster : ), yeah right.

The doctor also talked about the size of Brody (this was before the results of my test). He said that they will keep an eye on things but that they may have to induce because he seems to be such a big baby. I wouldn't mind having him a little early, myself!!!

Pictures

Here are a few pictures Kaden's teacher sent me of him enjoying school. What a big boy!!! He is so amazing, I can not get enough of him.

He is doing better, still has a cough with a little raspiness behind it. He has an appt on Friday and was suppose to have a bronch done on Monday. They will let us know on Friday if they will continue with that or not. The antibiotic that he is on has given him diarrea...something that I have waken up to the past couple of mornings. It is not the greatest thing to clean up especially when everyone is still wanting to sleep. I started coating his little bottom with aquaphor tonight in hopes of keeping it from breaking down. We have definitely been there, done that (while in the NICU)and let me tell you it was one of the worse things for him (that is saying a lot with all that he has been through). Every time he would wet or dirty his diaper he would clamp down and his O2 sats would drop as well as heart rate sometimes. It was just horrible and nothing would work. Once we got home it cleared up pretty fast. I have never really understood why, because even in the NICU I would change his diaper anytime it needed it. Ok, this is going into too much detail, so I will just let you know that Kaden seems to be doing a better.

Pictures of Kaden at school