I wrote this note to Ava and didn't get a chance to post it on her birthday.
Happy Birthday Angel 1/31/08-5/7/08
Happy 2nd Birthday baby girl. Sorry mommy didn’t get a chance to write yesterday, it was kind of a busy day. I hope you enjoyed all of the balloons you got. It was amazing to watch them float right up to you. I have never seen balloons get so high before…it was almost like you were so excited to receive them they couldn’t get there fast enough.
I can not believe you are two already. As I have said before, I can not believe how time goes by so fast but it seems like forever ago that I got to hold you. We miss you so much. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about just how much I miss you. Yesterday, daddy and I were talking about you. This time it was a little different. Typically we try to keep things upbeat for your brothers, especially Kaden since he seems to understand what has happened. But yesterday was different…it wasn’t a bad talk, just different. We talked about what we thought you would look like right now and how we thought your personality would be. We talked about how there would be one more carseat in our car. How you and and your brothers probably would drive each other nuts on long trips (short trips too!!!). We talked about how spoiled you would be (and rightfully so J ), and just how much we missed you. Your daddy doesn’t say too much about stuff, but during this talk (although he did a lot of agreeing and did not have a lot to say) I could tell how much he misses you. His baby girl, his daddy’s little girl, the princess who had him wrapped around his little finger isn’t physically here with him, with us. I worry about your daddy sometimes. He is a tough guy, but sometimes I think he hides his feelings to stay strong for the rest of us. I know how bad my heart aches thinking about all of the mommy/daughter things we could have done together, I can only imagine how bad daddy’s aches. He will never get to scare away any of the boys you would have brought home, or most likely followed you home (I am sure you would have had a ton of admirers). He will never get to walk his baby girl down the aisle or dance those many, many dances with you. He will never get invited to the tea parties you would have probably had or play barbies (which every daddy should have a chance to do with his little girl). I think about this stuff a lot, and I imagine how fun it would be to watch you do these things with daddy.
We feel so blessed to have the opportunity we had with you. The short time you were here with us, you left an unbelievable impact on our lives. You are one of the three most amazing people I know. You were such a good baby, a strong and brave baby. I don’t know how you and your brother did it…went through everything and still kept a smile on those incredibly beautiful little faces of yours. Oh Ava, what I would give to have you back with us again (I know that is really selfish of me, to bring you back with all of the pain you had to go through from a place where you are pain-free now). I always wonder “what if”, there are so many things that I wish I could have changed to make your life a lot easier, but I know that God gave you to daddy and me for a reason. He knew that you would receive more love then you could have anywhere else, not only from daddy, Kaden and I but from the rest of our family. You are a very, very loved and admired little girl that will forever be in our hearts. We love and miss you more then words could ever describe. Happy Birthday baby girl.
Love Always and Forever,
mommy (daddy, bubby and baby Brody)
Do Not Worry
9 years ago