Totally stressed out...

Kaden ended up going to the ER today (we were there for almost 4 hours, 1 1/2 hours we spent in the waiting room, well what my dad and I made into a waiting room). We found out that he has RSV. He did a good job being a big boy though. He actually made out with 12 stickers between three different women there, we came home with one and I was wearing that one. The rest ended up getting "dirty" and he decided he wanted to throw them away.

So there is nothing we can do for Kaden besides continue alternating the tylenol and motrin as well as giving him his breathing treatments. Not only am I concerned for Kaden but I also worry about Brody. It scares me knowing what can happen with such a young baby getting this crud. What really has me paranoid, is that on Monday Kaden told us that he was a baby and put Brody's binkie in his mouth. I did rinse it off with hot water, but did not sterilize it. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking of what could go wrong with both of the boys. I really hope that we can keep Brody healthy and get Kaden back to himself really soon.

Sleepless night...

Last night was a sleepless night for us all, well except for Brody. Poor Kaden needed so much suctioning, it felt like Nate and I didn't even get to close our eyes long enough to fall asleep. Every time Kaden started coughing, he started crying. It seems like it really hurts him to cough. So, I called to make an appt for him after he showed that he couldn't get rid of his fever for good, however his doctor was already "full" for the day. I wanted to yell through the phone "My kid is SICK, it is Friday do you want me to wait until Monday???", but I didn't. Instead I asked how I could change to a different peds office (it didn't help that they wouldn't take Brody as a new patient). So, I am changing Kaden's doc to Brody's. Well, I ended up calling our doctor at Children's Mercy, but got the on-call doctor. I explained to him what was going on and he said it sounded like a respitory virus...SIGH. I worry about Kaden but I also worry about Brody getting it. I checked Kaden's O2 levels and it is riding at about 93-94%. This is low for him. I feel absolutely horrible for him. I wish that there was something I could do to make him feel better. He looks miserable and seems very weak. I think tomorrow I will take him to the ER and have them do x-rays and tests to see exactly what is going on and that way we can get meds if he needs them. Please say some extra prayers for us, to get Kaden healthy and keep Brody healthy. Thanks.

My poor big boy...

Kaden is not feeling well. He had a rough morning yesterday. It started by him needing continous suctioning. We got to school and he just sat down in the middle of the hallway whining because he needed so much suctioning. I ended up changing his trach to make sure it wasn't blocked. After everything was done he got up and walked to class like not much had happened. I told his nurse that if he isn't himself later on to call me and I would pick him up. He stayed at school all day and came home and seemed to be alright. Later on in the evening he began to get real cuddlely and whiny. As I was holding him he felt really hot. I took his temp and he had a fever. At 6:30 he told me he was ready for bed. Today he has had a fever off and on. I have been giving him motrin or tylenol and it seems to break it for a little while. I hope he gets over whatever it is and starts acting like himself soon. I also hope that the rest of us do not get it. I feel so bad for him when he doesn't feel well. I wish I could make him feel better. I think if he continues to act like this tomorrow I will take him to the doctor. I am worried that it could be bronchitis again or even pneumonia. He has a cough but tries hard not to do so. My poor baby.

Brody is doing well. He is a really good baby. Either he sleeps good at night or I thought it would be worse then it really is. He had his first appt and the doctor said he is gaining weight really well, I should hope so, the kid eats like a little piggy. Kaden is adjusting to having his new baby brother at home. I think he is a little confused with all of the changes and has a little bit of jealousy. I do not blame him, he has been use to getting all of the attention for pretty much the last 4 1/2 years. It doesn't help that daddy has been working on our new house every day.

Cute...

I just have a couple of cute stories to share with you.

First one:
Yesterday, I had just finished feeding Brody (which is going much better)and said "ok, now mommy needs to burp you." My nephew, Miles (he's five), was near me and said "oh you bought one of those things to put in his belly like Kaden" (talking about Kaden's mickey-button).

Second one:
I was letting Kaden pick out his two bedtime stories, one for himself, one for Ava. Miles was there and asked why he gets two bedtime stories. I explained it to him and his response was "because she is a spirit in the sky that we can't see?"

Third one:
I was feeding Brody (with a bottle because he is a little piggy and I (most of the time) have to follow breast feeding with a bottle of formula. Anyway I said something about Brody eating and Kaden lifted up his shirt and showed Brody his mickey-button and signed "eat".

I love how innocent little kids' minds are.

On another note...
Things are going well. I am really sore (mostly in my back). I think it is from my spinal. I am getting bad headaches and backaches. Hopefully they will go away soon. Brody has his first doctors appt tomorrow. I am anxious to see how much he weighs now. When we left the hospital he was at 10 lbs 4 oz. I am not sure if he is back up some or not. Well, I am going to feed Mr. Brody and hit the sack. I am so tired!!!

Picture Time...

I not only posted the pictures of Mr. Brody, but I also finally posted the pictures I have promised a little while ago.

Meet Mr. Brody:






Here is Kaden, being a big boy waiting for his bronch.






Here we are releasing balloons for Angel Ava's birthday. If you can see it was a really windy day. We had a ton of balloons that ended up getting tangled together. My dad ended up cutting them apart so Kaden could send them one by one. He seemed to really enjoy that.







Sorry it has taken me so long to download pictures. I hope you enjoyed them.

We Are Home!!!

We got home about an hour ago. Sorry I haven't posted any pictures. I had Nate take the laptop home b/c we couldn't get internet in the hospital, but I kept the camera and never downloaded any pictures. I did hear from him however that I needed to post pictures b/c we got a lot of request for them. I will download them tonight when everything settles down and get some posted.

Things are going well. It sure was different to have a baby in a hospital so close to home. Nate was able to go home and hang out with Kaden at night and then take him to school in the mornings. I am sure Kaden enjoyed that very much. I am just so excited to be home!!! It is all to real.

I am really sore, but I hear that time will heal that...I sure hope so. The pain meds make me too drowsey so I really want to try to take as little as those as I have too. Hopefully the motrin helps out. Breastfeeding isn't going too well. The first time we put him on, he did awesome and I thought "wow, this is going to go great." So...I have changed my mind. This big guy is hungry and my milk hasn't come in. He isn't a dummy, he figures "Why in the world am I working so hard for nothing," so he gets really frustrated when it is time to feed and I have the hardest time getting him latched on. Hopefully within the next day or so my milk will start coming in, or I might just break down and give him a bottle.

The c-section went alright...but boy am I glad I decided to go that route. The doctor even had trouble getting Brody's shoulders through the incision. The nurse said that she thought he was going to have to cut it bigger, but he didn't. Nate told me that he thought the doctor was going to rip his head off with the amount of force he needed to use to get him out. Once Brody's head was out the first thing I heard from everyone was "look at those chubby cheeks!!!" Then I heard that he was 11 lbs. I knew he was going to be big, but not that big. The good news is that I love chubby babies : ).

So be on the look out tonight. I will post pictures soon.

Brody Jace Boeckman Born 02-09-09

We checked into the hospital around 7:15 a.m. and about 1230 p.m. the doctor began the c-section procedure. Brody Jace Boeckman was born big and healthy at 1241 p.m.
Brody weighed 11 lbs and was 23 inches in length. Everyone is doing good. Looks like Wednesday is the day to bring Brody home. Kaden wanted to hold Brody as soon as he saw Brody. Kaden was done holding Brody after about two minutes. Kaden told Brody bye bye and then tried to push Brody off his lap towards grandma. We had to have a talk with Kaden about how little (if you can call Brody that)Brody is and he has to be really gentle with him.

It feels great to hold Brody and know that he will be coming home soon.

Pictures will be coming soon.

Tomorrow is the BIG day!!!

I can't believe we are finally going to meet Brody tomorrow. I am so excited, but nervous at the same time. Nate or I will keep everyone posted tomorrow. Stay tuned...

Monday...

Today we had our doctor appt and sonogram. We did the sono first. I heard several times how large Brody is measuring, his stomach was too large for the ultrasound to actually measure. I knew there was a reason I am always hungry!!! Anyway, at the end of the sonogram I asked how big he was measuring. Ok guys, remember it can be off some, but at this time it measured him at 10 lbs 13 oz. My due date is Feb. 17th, however with the size of him my doctor wants to induce on Monday. Fine by me. I am so ready. We talked about the concerns the doctor has with him measuring so big. He even talked about the possibility of having a c-section. He is leaving everything up to us, and I think we are leaning towards the c-section after hearing what could go wrong.

I am really anxious to see just how big he really is. 10 lbs 13 oz??? Really, who has kids that big, and to think that is not even at full term. I will not be surprised if he is actually in the 9's though. We have determined that he has some chubby cheeks from looking at the ultrasound. I can not wait to see him and meet him. Nate thinks he will be born with a lot of dark hair, me I am thinking he may be more blond to start off with (like me, ok actually I was more bald then blond)but there is no way he should be bald with all the reflux I have been having. Both Kaden and Ava had the dark hair, like Nate when he was born. I am just getting very excited!!! I do have some shopping to finish this weekend before he comes. Man, did I put things off.

So, Monday we will have our new addition. I am excited for Kaden to meet him and see that our life will go back to "normal" shortly after. I worry for him and what he is thinking is going to happen after Brody is born. Today he did go through one of his toy boxes and showed me what toys are his and the ONE toy Brody can play with. I did get him talked into letting Brody play with more, it was kind of cute. I am not sure how cute it will be later when they are fighting over the toys, but for now I can smile at it.

So stay tuned, and Monday we should be able to post about Mr. Brody.

Good News...

First of all, I am sorry that I didn't keep everyone updated. I am very tired and coming down with something...probably just a cold but I feel horrible. However it comes and goes and since we have been home it has come and not gone away. Oh, yeah that brings me to this...WE ARE HOME!!! I was very surprised, something I wasn't expecting. The doctor that was on the day that Ava passed, was actually in the PICU today. He came down to the surgery waiting room and asked us if we would feel comfortable taking Kaden home today if it was ok with the surgeon. Of course we said "YES".

Today started very early for us with little sleep from the night. I was very proud of Kaden though. He was in a great mood from the start. We got to the hospital and he had a blast playing with all the toys in the waiting room. They called us back and he was such a big boy...no tears!!! He might actually be getting the hang of all this hospital business : ). We had actually made a trip to the ER Sunday morning because his mickey-button had come out sometime before we woke up. The hole closes up so fast, and I wasn't able to get the replacement in. They got in in pretty easily though in the ER. Ok, so back to today. One of us was able to walk back with Kaden until he was sedated. I let Nate go thinking I might be too anxious. The OR nurse was amazing and Kaden really warmed up to her. She told him to tell mommy bye and he did without hesitation. I gave him kisses and a hug and then he looked at Nate and told him "bye-bye." He wasn't nervous at all. Nate still walked back with him and told me he was a big boy the whole time.

After we heard that we were able to take him home we met him outside of the recovery room. He was so drowsy and not in the same great mood he had been in. In fact, I think he hit me like...three times, just because. Or maybe he was mad at me for letting him go back there...who knows.

So to the good news...awhile back we heard that Kaden's vocal chords are paralyzed closed (letting him make noise, but not get air past them). We were told that most likely Kaden will always need a trach, but that he could come off the vent. Well, today after the bronch and another procedure (do not know how to spell) they found that Kaden had some scar tissue that went from one side of his vocal chords to the other. They cut that out. He also had some tissue built up that they cut out from his trachea. The surgeon stated that she believes that his vocal chords might work and that she wants to do another scope sometime soon when he is awake to see how well, if at all they work. She continued by saying that she is going to talk to Kaden's vent doc and recommend that we work hard at getting him off the vent and if everything goes well with the next scope that we start working on weaning him from the trach as well. I know this is probably coming out to be very confusing. I guess I am just saying that there is a possibility that Kaden can come off the vent and get rid of the trach. I do not know how to explain how happy Nate and I were to here this. I can not wait to be able to get this other scope done...expect for the fact that I know that Kaden will be very, very upset.

I wish I had my camera later on today. We stopped at Nebraska Furniture Mart and Kaden was riding in the cart. He was so grouchy, I can't blame him really. He ended up leaning over the handle and put his head on my belly. I look down a little later and he was out. So here I am, leaning over a cart, Kaden has his head on my belly (drooling may I add) and pushing it around without trying to disturb him. Very comfortable may I add. Nate tried to switch spots with me, but I guess his "belly" wasn't cutting it because Kaden woke up, reached for me and feel back to sleep on the belly.

I do have pictures that I need to get posted. I know I take forever to do this, but I will get it done one day. I am sorry if this is confusing or does not make sense, but I am too tired to proof read it.

Happy 1st Birthday Angel

Ava,

I can not believe that you are one today. It is unbelievable to me how time can go by so fast, but at the same time seem so slow. There is not a day that goes by that we do not think of you and wonder what life would be like with you here with us. I can only imagine all the things you would be getting into right now. Oh, and to see you dig into your first birthday cake, I am sure it would have been a sight to see.

You have touched our hearts. Your fight was amazing, but God had other plans for you. Sometimes it is hard to understand exactly what they were, but I think that your story is helping other families whether or not they may be going through the same things that you went through. You are an inspiration to mommy and daddy. You and your bubby have taught us so many things that others never would have. I hope that you felt the love we have for you while you were here with us and continue to feel it. I also hope that you understand that we had the best intentions in every decision that we had to make for you. Although I would rather have you here with us (I know that may sound selfish)I want to thank you for not leaving the decision up to mommy and daddy. I know that may sound harsh, but I don't think I could have ever had the strength to make that type of decision. I know that you fought as hard as you could for each day you were here with us and I could not ask for anything more. The 3 1/2 months you were with us, although hard and short, are days I will never forget.

I do have a hard time remembering little things, like how you felt in my arms, how soft yours skin was, the sound of your cry. However, I will never forget the love I have for you and the beauty that surrounded you. I think about all that we are going to miss not having you around. I think about how daddy feels about not having is little girl, how he won't be able to scare away your first boyfriend, or how he won't be able to walk you down the aisle. I hear songs that speak of daughters and it makes me miss you even more. They say with time that the heart heals, although I am not sure how true that is. I do think with time that it just becomes more of a reality.

Well baby girl, Kaden and I need to finish getting ready so we can go pick up your daddy and start to celebrate your birthday. We love you more then words can express and miss you terribly. I hope you love all the balloons you will be getting today. I know Kaden is excited to send some to you. He wants to bring you flowers too!!! I know that he misses you so much.

Love you always and forever,
Mommy, Daddy, Kaden and baby Brody

What a weekend...

This coming weekend is approaching fast...too fast. Ava's birthday is just a few days away. Please help us celebrate her life by sending balloons her way. I have had a few people ask me what color I think she would have liked. I think that she would be like her big brother...in which color doesn't matter, just the joy of the balloons themselves. However, she was definitely my "pretty in pink" girl (ok, she was pretty in any color, but my favorite was pink, maybe it's a girl thing).

So Friday, we have an appt in KC for Kaden's pre-admissions stuff. It is also my mom's 21st ; ) birthday. Saturday, of course, is our angels birthday and then Sunday we are headed back to KC to stay the next couple of days for Kaden's bronch. We have decided to go up on Sunday because it is about a 2 hour drive and it seems we happen to be first case every time. It's just easier to stay the night up there the night before. I continue to be concerned about how things are going to go (emotionally). With it being so close to Ava's birthday doesn't help anything. I worry about how Kaden will be feeling and if he will be able to express his thoughts about any of it. My heart breaks just thinking about what could go on in his head. One of us, Nate or I, will stay in the PICU with him over night. I couldn't imagine leaving him there by himself, I am sure that would be a very scary experience for him that I do not want him to go through (for any young child at that). Again, it makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

Well, then we will come home Tuesday. I'll go back to work and hope that Brody comes soon so I can take that maternity leave. I NEED a "break", work is stressing me out on top of other things.

One more thing...
I got a something in the mail awhile back about making a quilt block in memory of Ava to be used at the CMH. I don't know how many of you have seen the memory quilts they have hanging in the hallway, but that is what it will be used for. So anyway, I finally got ours done, (I know, last minute) but now I have to get it to the chaplain. I plan on calling her tomorrow to see if I can just bring it to her Friday or if I need to send it overnight. We will see. So, for those of you who visit the hospital...keep your eyes opened. I don't know how long it will take for them to put the quilts together, but if I hear anything I will let you know.

Thanks.

One Step Closer...

I had a doctor appt today. The baby is still growing, but I already knew that!!! I am dialated to 1cm. I know, it doesn't seem like much, but it sure made me happy to know that I am not just experiencing the contractions without any progress. I'll take it. I still have 3 1/2 weeks left until my due date, so we will see if he comes a little early, whether on his own or at the request of the doctor.

Sleep just keeps getting harder and harder to come by. Who needs sleep, right? I know they say it is to prepare you for when the baby comes, but I really think that is unfair. I think Kaden is getting on a different schedule as well. The little stinker woke up a little after 5am yesterday morning and didn't want to go back to sleep. Actually, he has been getting up when I get up for work and he is normally my sleeping buddy on the weekend, sleeping until at least 9. Maybe, he knows things are changing. He is doing really well in school. He actually has a bronch coming up so we will be at CMH the 2nd and 3rd of Feb. for that. I am not looking forward to it. One reason, I do not know how he is going to react being in the PICU after everything with Ava. Second reason, I don't know how I am going to feel about being in the PICU after everything with Ava. I knew that the time would come, I just wish it didn't have to.

Which brings me to my next topic. Ava's birthday is going to be here in about a week. I can't believe that she will be one already. It makes me so sad to know all that we missed with her this past year. Well, we have decided to do a balloon release to celebrate with her. It is so hard to think of ways to celebrate a special occassion like this without her here to celebrate it with. Please join us, as there are many of you who follow along in our journey, and release a balloon for Ava. We would love to see pictures of you all with your balloons so that we can put it in Ava's scrap book. You can e-mail them to me at nateandamy1@yahoo.com. I think that I am going to do cupcakes and things with our family, but haven't thought of all the details. I want to thank you all for being (in a way) a part of our family, although we haven't had the pleasure of meeting most of you. I will put a reminder up for Ava's birthday the closer we get to it. Thanks again.

***SIGH***

Finally, I have been able to change the background. It was driving me a little nuts, that with other things like HORMONES. So, now I will go with the Valentines theme, I know it is a little early, but who knows how much time I will have to do things in the near future.

I continue to be uncomfortable. Sleep is getting harder and harder to come by. Seriously, how many pillows does a pregnant women need to get comfortable??? I guess it probably would help if I didn't sleep between two bed hogs (aka Nate and Kaden), but in the non-pregnant world that is the best place to be :). I don't know if my stomach can take too much more, ok, well my whole body. I am so sore, almost all of the time. I can't get up without regretting thinking it over and then regretting it. However, most of the time I do not have a choice of staying where I am. I wake up almost every hour to roll over, the whole time saying "Ow Ow Ow" and moving little by little. I know, I know, I am complaining, but right now I feel I have every right too : ). I will be in complete shock if Brody isn't close to Kaden's weight, although I don't remember feeling so awful back then, but hey, that was over 4 years ago.

I am so excited to meet this little guy. I am really excited to see Kaden with him. I think he is going to do very well with him. I am nervous about making sure that Kaden feels loved and not left out. Nate is busy with building the house right now, so I think I will be here with the boys by myself quite a bit, and I just want to make sure that Kaden has enough attention from mommy.

Today, my mom, Kaden and I went shopping for part of the day. We didn't get too much. We actually went to get my birthday present, however I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for. We went to a furniture store and looked around. We ended up by the children's furniture and Kaden found a bunkbed, his size. He was able to get on it and off of it by himself. But yes, we have received the furniture you all helped him get (some of you have been asking about it), we just haven't put it up yet because we have decided to wait until we get into the new house. I did remind him that he already has a big boy bed and when we get into the house he will be sleeping in it, which I am excited for but nervous about at the same time.

Other then that, I finally started getting into the "nesting" stage. However, I am so tired and sore all of the time it is hard for me to actually get going. Oh, one day...maybe.

Is it just me...

I know a lot of the blogs I follow and vice-versa use the cutest blog on the block for their backgrounds...so I was just wondering, is anyone else unable to get on their site. I have been waiting for awhile to change my background and have not been able to get on their site. Any advice???

Waiting...

I have been wanting to change my background for the last couple of days, but unfortunately the site I use is down right now. It is driving me a little on the crazy side. Hopefully within the next few days I can get it done, however, by then I will probably be a too lazy.

Well, yesterday I had a doctor's appt. They asked if I was having any contractions and I told the nurse that I didn't know if the were braxton hicks or real ones. So the doctor checked me. I was not dilated yet (which is fine with me b/c it is still kind of early) but he did say my cervix is softening. He then measured the baby. After doing so, he sat down and shook his head. He then says..."I don't know Amy, he is a big baby." He asked me how big Kaden and Ava were. I am confused about this part...he said something about the baby being 8.5-9lbs. Then he said something about having him at 38 weeks. He said that they will probably do an ultrasound at this time and see how big he is and decide from there. I am confused because when I first heard the 8.5-9lbs Nate and I figured he was talking about how much he felt Brody might weigh at birth. Well, then I started thinking, I told him how much my other two weighed and that I had no complications so why not just let me go until Brody decides to come on his own. So now I am wondering if he is thinking that he is at that weight now and that is the reason for his expression and comment after measuring me/baby. It would totally explain why I am as uncomfortable as I am. No joke. Today I woke up and could barely walk...ok, move. If I didn't know any better I would think that I was going to have him any day...like he is just going to fall out of me (ok that was probably too much information).

Today, I took out all the clothes that my mother and I bought, as well as the clothes that others gave us and separated sizes and did a lot of washing. Brody should be good for the 3-6months size. I am so excited. Baby clothes are the best!!! I can not wait to put them on him. I think I already have his "going home" outfit picked out!!! So now, I need to get everything else!!! After the appt. I started thinking, 38 weeks, that is in like 3 weeks from now. Not much time to get everything done and bought. Why am I such a procrastinator???

A Little Fun...

I have two things I would like from all of our readers...

First of all, I am amazed at how many readers we have. It really touches my heart to know that my babies touch yours. I can not believe how many people log on and read each day. I am very curious to know who you all are and how you found our blog (if you remember, I can't remember how I have found others myself). So please, leave a comment and let us know...

While your at it, I would like for you guys to guess a weight for baby Brody. My mom, grandma and I were talking about it tonight, here are their guesses...

My mom - 1st guess 10 lbs 13 oz, after I gave her a look like she was crazy she changed it to 10 lbs 3 oz but she thinks he will be around 26 in....I never heard of a baby that long : ) I think she is a little tired!!!!

My grandma - 9 lbs 8 oz

Me - hopefully big enough, but not too big. I will be surprised if he is not close to Kaden's weight and height.

Just a little background info:
Nate was just a little over 10 lbs when he was born

Me, well I was 8 lbs 1/2 oz and 21 inches long

Kaden - 9 lbs 13 oz and 23 inches long

Ava - 8 lbs 8 oz and 20 1/2 inches long (I was told 8 lbs 7 oz however it was written at 8 oz)

Baby Brody - ??????? On the last sono I was exactly 26 weeks and he was measuring at about 29 weeks 3 days.

While I am talking about baby weights, did you all see the baby who was born weighing 14 lbs...that I would like to stay away from!!!

So, leave a comment and let us know who you are, how you found us and your guess on Baby Brody's weight!!! It will be very interesting and fun for us to read. Thank you for your time!!! For those we already know in the blogging world, we would still like to hear from you too!!!

I hope everyone is having a great New Year so far!!!

I might try to post a recent picture of the belly to give you all an idea of how big I really am, tomorrow.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I hope everyone had a safe and happy new year!!!


I have a lot to say about 2008. We have been through highs and lows (about as low as any parent could get). I am excited to start a new year and look forward to experiencing the new gifts life has to give us.

Kaden,
You have grown so much over the last year. What a big boy you are becoming. You have learned to walk and continue to work on the potty training, but I know in your own time you will get it (hopefully sooner then later). You continue to amaze mommy and daddy with how incredibly smart you are. You have been working so hard to come off your vent, unfortunately the bronchitis you had still has it's affects on your lungs which is making it difficult for you to come off your vent for very long.

You have taught mommy and daddy so much. I only pray that you feel how special you are to mommy and daddy. We love you so much. For your four years here with us, you have been through a lot. Not only with what you have gone through but watching what your sissy has been through and then all of us as a family. You give mommy and daddy incredible strength, you must have some type of superhero powers. You are definitely mommy and daddy's hero. We are so proud of you and feel so lucky that you are OUR son. The love we have for you is undescribable, it goes way beyond words. I pray that your 2009 is filled with nothing but greatness for you. You deserved every bit of it.

We love you so much. You are very special and we are very lucky to have the pleasure of watching you grow, learn and just love you.

Love you always and forever,
Mommy and Daddy


Angel Ava,
Although you are not physically here with us, your memory is always with us. We miss you so much. Even with the outcome, we are glad you came into our lives (like the song "The Dance"). Thank you for fighting as long as you did, just so mommy, daddy and bubby could be with you a little longer. This year has gone by so fast. I can not believe that you will almost be one. It is unbelievable to me.

I feel like you were here so long ago, I think because of how much I miss you. However, I remember every detail of the night I had you. I remember how fast you came into this world. I remember how much I was shaking when I was holding you after you were born and giving you to daddy because I was scared I was going to hurt you or something because I couldn't stop shaking. I hope you know how proud daddy and I are of you. You are an amazing little girl who touched many lives (you take after your brother in that department!!).

I thought about you a lot tonight. I wish you could have celebrated with us, even if you were already in bed like your bubby. Your so precious to us and our love for you will never fade, no matter how many years go bye.

We love you baby girl.

Love always and forever,
mommy and daddy

I Am So Lucky...

I have the best job in the world...ok, not really. Today I was doing things to get stuff ready for group that I am now coordinating and ended up having to pick up a little man and hang out with him for awhile. While we were in a company vehicle (thank goodness), I hear "Mrs. Amy" and I turn around. He had thrown up all over himself along with part of the van. I asked him why he didn't tell me that he didn't feel good and he said "I told you I missed my mommy." I should have known : ). I felt so bad for him, but I do not do throw up. As I handed him paper towels to try to get some of it off of him, I was so close to throwing up myself. Driving him home, I almost threw up on the van too. UGH...talk about the most frustrating part...I came back and had to clean up this vomit with some type of vomit clean up kit, which didn't work that well. I spent so much time cleaning up this mess, I think I need a raise!!! I don't know what I am going to do when Brody gets sick. Kaden has a fundo so he can't throw up (which makes me feel horrible for him when he is sick). So that was the "highlight" of my day.

I am so glad I get to come home to Kaden, he always makes everything better, especially on days like today. How could he not...look at him. Now I just hope that we don't get sick.

AHHHHH...

I can not breathe!!! Seriously, this little man is making me so uncomfortable and I still have 7 weeks left. I don't know what I am going to do. Yesterday I couldn't do much because I would do something and then spend forever trying to get air to my lungs. Then I couldn't sleep last night because it felt like I couldn't catch a breath. I actually called my Dr.'s nurse and she probably thought I was crazy. I just wanted to make sure that it was normal because I couldn't remember going through the whole breathing issues with Kaden or Ava. She said with how I am carrying that Brody is probably just pushing up on my diaphragm. Thanks kiddo.

My mom and I were talking last night about how big Brody will probably be. We were comparing my stomach as of now to my stomach with Ava around the same time frame. I am way bigger with Brody then I was with Ava. I will be very surprised if this baby is not as big as Kaden. I don't know what I am going to do the last four weeks when he gains, what...1/2 lb a week. UGH.

Today I had to run to Wal-Mart. The cashier was asking me about my pregnancy and asked if it was my first. I told her no, that I had two others. As we were talking about everything, she then asked "their ages." I told her Kaden's and then hesitated for a second and told her about Ava. She looked very sorry that she asked, but continued by wishing me luck with this pregnancy. I have told myself that I want to include Ava in conversations about my kids, but when it comes time it is so hard because I don't know the reaction I am going to get and I really do not want to feel like I am putting people on the spot, but how else am I going to keep her memory alive???

On another note: I took my Christmas tree down yesterday. I typically leave it up until after New Year's but just felt the need to take it down yesterday. I am glad I got it out of the way!!!

I hope everyone enjoys their New Year's!!!! Have a safe and happy one!!!

Finally some new pictures and videos...

These are, of course, some photos from Christmas. Kaden was really excited about Santa coming to the house and continues to talk about him. One of the videos is of Kaden in the car. We were driving to Nate's hometown and there are some serious hills out there, the type that make your stomach leap out of your body. Kaden loves going down these hills as you can probably tell in the video. The other video is of Kaden enjoying a group singing Christmas music after visiting Santa Claus.

While I am at it, I have a couple of cute stories to share from today. The first one...Kaden was going through some of his new toys and signing who gave them to him...Santa, mommy and daddy, etc. Kaden got a gift from angel Ava. He picked it up and signed "sister" and then looked up to Heaven and signed "thank you." It was way too sweet. Then I was reading him Horton Hears A Who. I read one line that says something like "too small to be seen by an elephant's eyes" but read it as "elephant's eye" and turned the page. Kaden turned the page back and pointed to the "s" in eyes. What a smartie pants!!!

Well, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Now that it took me FOREVER to download these videos I think I am going to go to bed.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

We would like to wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS. Kaden made out, he must have been a REALLY good boy this year!!! He woke up at about 7:15 and seemed excited that Santa came but was a little on the tired side so whined a little when he had to use too much effort to open up his gifts this morning. Once he got to grandpa and grandma's he was more into it. Now I have to figure out where we are going to put everything!!!!

I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful Christmas!!!

Another Prayer Request...

Please keep Carson and Kaci over at My Three Sons in your prayers. Carson has been having difficulty gaining weight due to some feeding issues and they have been trying to keep him from getting admitted into the hospital by sending him home with a NG tube (inserted through the nose down to the stomach for feedings). However, they are having a hard time with Carson pulling it out and when mom tries to put it back in he goes limp. So far this week I think they have been to the ER twice (and it is only Tuesday)...this time hoping that they do not get admitted. It is really hard to be in the hospital with a child on any special occasion, especially Christmas. Please visit their site (on my side bar) and let them know that you are thinking and praying for them during this tough time.

Kaci, if you need anything...call me!!! I hope things get better and they can figure out what is going on with Carson. We are thinking about you and keeping you in our prayers.

Mr. Carson...

I just wanted to ask you all to visit Kayleigh Anne's blog (the button on the side bar). She was born very prematurely and has been in the hospital for a long period of time. She is battling pneumonia, which was very close to taking her life, but with continous prays she seems to be healing. Her mother and father put a button on their site for donations as they are struggling financially while trying to be there for Kayleigh while she is in the hospital. They also have two other children at home.

We have been there and know of the struggles they are going through. I know not everybody can help financial, but even your moral support and prayers will help them. Please read their blog to find out more about this precious little girl and while you are there, leave a comment for the family. Thank you so much.

Giving it another try...

I tried to post last night and after I had finished my post my Internet stopped working. Talk about driving somebody up the wall.

Well, basically I talked about Kaden's trip to see Santa. He did alright, considering that Santa sat right across from the book store in the mall. Kaden did sit on Santa's lap, after I picked him up from the floor and put him there. He signed what he wanted and signed "thank you." Santa's helper asked Kaden to show Santa how to sign "Merry Christmas." Mommy helped Kaden, but he did it as well as showing him how to sign "Santa Claus." Santa seemed to get a kick out of it. We also stopped in an area in the mall where a band was playing Christmas music. Kaden got right in front of the stage and danced his little bootie off. Everyone around looked as though they were enjoying the entertainment provided by the one and only MR. KADEN!!!!

We got about 3 or so inches of snow yesterday. It is very pretty, but is driving me crazy with how messy it makes everything.

Last, I have decided to post a picture of my continous growing bump. I will post other pictures as soon as I get them downloaded on the computer. I have become a little lazy with that part of it all. The only reason I can post these picture is because somebody sent it to me.


Kaden's first visit with Santa this year.